Funny Doctor Stories

[Guest guest]

> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her

baby in

> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the

lady's

> dress, and b egan to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed

that

> there were several cabs-and I was in the wrong one.

>

> Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac, San , TX

>

>

>

> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an

elderly and

> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"

I

> instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

>

> Submitted by Dr. Byrnes, Seattle, WA

>

>

>

> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

that

> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more

than five

> minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family

that he

> had died of a "massive internal fart."

>

> Submitted by Dr. Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

>

>

> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having

trouble

> with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The pat c h.

The nurse

> told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running

out of

> places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I

hoped

> I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now,

> the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying

a new

> one.

>

> Submitted by Dr. St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

>

>

>

> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,

"How

> long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion

she

> answered..." Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was

alive."

>

> Submitted by Dr. Swanson, Corvallis, OR

>

> < BR>

> 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast

this

> morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't

seem

> to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see

the

> jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

>

> Subm it ted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

>

>

>

>

> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman

with

> purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of

> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

scheduled

> for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the

operating

> table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,

and

> above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once

the

> surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the

patient's

> dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

>

> Submitted by RN no name

>

>

> AND FINALLY!!!.. ......... .....

>

>

> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite

embarrassed

> when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I

had

> unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. Th e m

iddle-aged lady

> upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing

and

> further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly

said,

> "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the

song

> you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Meyer Wiener".

>

> Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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MOD:sewmurkot/ "Life's a journey, not a destination"

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