Re: Angry with the world

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/17/04 8:16:18 PM Central Standard Time,

skruff@... writes:

~~~I am angry with the world. I am grieving for the loss of my career, my

wife, my life. ~~~

~~~I am not considering suicide - just wishing for a better world.

Greg.

I've walked the path you are now on. Maybe if you look close enough you can

see my shoe prints. I was flat busted, no job, savings depleted, hurting so

much that even getting from the armchair to the bathroom was a battle, no

insurance, no healthcare, and being completely dismissed by everyone I sought to

gain some type of public assistance from cause I was relatively young and

undiagnosed. I had waited until it was too late. I had to prove I could take it,

typical, " stop whining and deal with it " , male ego. My dad saved US 50 states

quarters and I stole at least $300 dollars worth of them to put gasoline in my

vehicle which I was close to selling. For the first time since I was 8 years

old I didnt even have 1 dollar and was unable to earn a buck. There were many

times when I seriously considered ending it all and to be totally honest I

still have those thoughts from time to time. I wish that I could with full

confidence say that some of the dietary changes I adopted made the difference or

perhaps the psychosomatics of psoriasis are more than I give them credit for and

the changes in my attitude made the difference but long story short, I

survived the storm. Pain and rejection led to depression, which led to despair

and

destructive ideation and eventually anger. I got so enraged at psoriasis I

vowed that I would find a way to fix this and nothing else mattered. I spent

probably 18 hours a day for about 9 months online and later in University

medical libraries researching everything I could find about psoriasis and how

the

human body works. Even though I never did identify a magic bullet I think all

the little things combined is what turned the tide. Go ahead and get mad and

use that anger as motivation to understand your enemy. Focus your attention

and use whatever resources you have to find what will work for you. There is a

better world just waiting for you to discover, utilize and promote it. Orin

[Guest guest]

Orin: Sounds sappy, but your story brought tears ... was very kind of

you to be so candid and open about your (very personal) struggles.

For what it's worth, I think your advice excellent!

Greg: I am new here and confess I don't yet " know " all of the folks

here, or their personal histories -- actually, I am very newly-

diagnosed and not really even sure that the diagnosis was an accurate

one (denial??). But I am well acquainted with the hell that one goes

through with a chronic health problem. 5 years ago -- at age 35 --

my pelvic organs began falling out of my body (I'm sure you can use

your imagination and understand how wholly devastating such a thing

could be to a young female). Not only that, but surgery after

surgery to " fix me " failed. I am a former minister and ... I don't

know ... I guess I thought that fact should've earned me

some " brownie points " with God and I'd somehow be exempt. Not so. I

did very much like Orin suggested -- educated myself and " channeled

my energy " towards becoming an advocate for women with pelvic organ

prolapse. I co-manage/moderate a support website for women with POP,

and am presently working towards an RN degree.

Not sure I've said anything especially helpful but just wanted to

say, you're not alone. We DO mourn and grieve, as with any loss.

The loss of ones good health IS as tangible as the loss of ones

spouse, child, etc. and it can take some time (for some, longer than

others) to find your bearings again. I think it's fair to say that

the people here will offer their hands, their ears, their shoulders --

along with their hearts -- and walk alongside you during your

journey. There have been times when I've found that being in the

company of others fighting the same fight is the " spark " I need to

just get me through one more day.

I am terrified of what my future might hold and just try hard not to

think too far ahead. One of the members of my group sent me a

precious gift awhile back -- a bracelet inscribed, " One Day At A

Time. " I wear it EVERY day; amazing how it inspires me.

God bless you, Greg; a big ((((( HUG ))))) to you!

Cat

>

> In a message dated 11/17/04 8:16:18 PM Central Standard Time,

> skruff@p... writes:

> ~~~I am angry with the world. I am grieving for the loss of my

career, my

> wife, my life. ~~~

> ~~~I am not considering suicide - just wishing for a better world.

>

> Greg.

>

> I've walked the path you are now on. Maybe if you look close

enough you can

> see my shoe prints. I was flat busted, no job, savings depleted,

hurting so

> much that even getting from the armchair to the bathroom was a

battle, no

> insurance, no healthcare, and being completely dismissed by

everyone I sought to

> gain some type of public assistance from cause I was relatively

young and

> undiagnosed. I had waited until it was too late. I had to prove I

could take it,

> typical, " stop whining and deal with it " , male ego. My dad saved

US 50 states

> quarters and I stole at least $300 dollars worth of them to put

gasoline in my

> vehicle which I was close to selling. For the first time since I

was 8 years

> old I didnt even have 1 dollar and was unable to earn a buck.

There were many

> times when I seriously considered ending it all and to be totally

honest I

> still have those thoughts from time to time. I wish that I could

with full

> confidence say that some of the dietary changes I adopted made the

difference or

> perhaps the psychosomatics of psoriasis are more than I give them

credit for and

> the changes in my attitude made the difference but long story

short, I

> survived the storm. Pain and rejection led to depression, which

led to despair and

> destructive ideation and eventually anger. I got so enraged at

psoriasis I

> vowed that I would find a way to fix this and nothing else

mattered. I spent

> probably 18 hours a day for about 9 months online and later in

University

> medical libraries researching everything I could find about

psoriasis and how the

> human body works. Even though I never did identify a magic bullet

I think all

> the little things combined is what turned the tide. Go ahead and

get mad and

> use that anger as motivation to understand your enemy. Focus your

attention

> and use whatever resources you have to find what will work for

you. There is a

> better world just waiting for you to discover, utilize and promote

it. Orin

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cat,

Orin's story affected me in exactly the same way - and then you write

what you just did and i must confess, i've goosepimples and teary

eyes myself now... you are a very very wise woman and have been

through so much. with everything you said i could not agree

more.... when you wrote about our pain being as tangible a grief as

losing a spouse... and how this group provides the spark.... you are

so very very wise.... thank you so much for such an inspiring

message, and God Bless,

>

>

> Orin: Sounds sappy, but your story brought tears ... was very kind

of

> you to be so candid and open about your (very personal) struggles.

> For what it's worth, I think your advice excellent!

>

> Greg: I am new here and confess I don't yet " know " all of the

folks

> here, or their personal histories -- actually, I am very newly-

> diagnosed and not really even sure that the diagnosis was an

accurate

> one (denial??). But I am well acquainted with the hell that one

goes

> through with a chronic health problem. 5 years ago -- at age 35 --

> my pelvic organs began falling out of my body (I'm sure you can use

> your imagination and understand how wholly devastating such a thing

> could be to a young female). Not only that, but surgery after

> surgery to " fix me " failed. I am a former minister and ... I don't

> know ... I guess I thought that fact should've earned me

> some " brownie points " with God and I'd somehow be exempt. Not so.

I

> did very much like Orin suggested -- educated myself and " channeled

> my energy " towards becoming an advocate for women with pelvic organ

> prolapse. I co-manage/moderate a support website for women with

POP,

> and am presently working towards an RN degree.

>

> Not sure I've said anything especially helpful but just wanted to

> say, you're not alone. We DO mourn and grieve, as with any loss.

> The loss of ones good health IS as tangible as the loss of ones

> spouse, child, etc. and it can take some time (for some, longer

than

> others) to find your bearings again. I think it's fair to say that

> the people here will offer their hands, their ears, their

shoulders --

> along with their hearts -- and walk alongside you during your

> journey. There have been times when I've found that being in the

> company of others fighting the same fight is the " spark " I need to

> just get me through one more day.

>

> I am terrified of what my future might hold and just try hard not

to

> think too far ahead. One of the members of my group sent me a

> precious gift awhile back -- a bracelet inscribed, " One Day At A

> Time. " I wear it EVERY day; amazing how it inspires me.

>

> God bless you, Greg; a big ((((( HUG ))))) to you!

> Cat

[Guest guest]

Orin,

You are an inspiration. Thanks for all you do.

Becky

Elko, NV

Re: [ ] Angry with the world

In a message dated 11/17/04 8:16:18 PM Central Standard Time,

skruff@... writes:

~~~I am angry with the world. I am grieving for the loss of my career, my

wife, my life. ~~~

~~~I am not considering suicide - just wishing for a better world.

Greg.

I've walked the path you are now on. Maybe if you look close enough you can

see my shoe prints. I was flat busted, no job, savings depleted, hurting

so

much that even getting from the armchair to the bathroom was a battle, no

insurance, no healthcare, and being completely dismissed by everyone I

sought to

gain some type of public assistance from cause I was relatively young and

undiagnosed. I had waited until it was too late. I had to prove I could take

it,

typical, " stop whining and deal with it " , male ego. My dad saved US 50

states

quarters and I stole at least $300 dollars worth of them to put gasoline in

my

vehicle which I was close to selling. For the first time since I was 8 years

old I didnt even have 1 dollar and was unable to earn a buck. There were

many

times when I seriously considered ending it all and to be totally honest I

still have those thoughts from time to time. I wish that I could with full

confidence say that some of the dietary changes I adopted made the

difference or

perhaps the psychosomatics of psoriasis are more than I give them credit for

and

the changes in my attitude made the difference but long story short, I

survived the storm. Pain and rejection led to depression, which led to

despair and

destructive ideation and eventually anger. I got so enraged at psoriasis I

vowed that I would find a way to fix this and nothing else mattered. I

spent

probably 18 hours a day for about 9 months online and later in University

medical libraries researching everything I could find about psoriasis and

how the

human body works. Even though I never did identify a magic bullet I think

all

the little things combined is what turned the tide. Go ahead and get mad

and

use that anger as motivation to understand your enemy. Focus your attention

and use whatever resources you have to find what will work for you. There

is a

better world just waiting for you to discover, utilize and promote it. Orin