New Member Intro

Posted October 21, 2009 · October 21, 2009

This sounds incredible hard to deal with. Were you with him when he went to NY, was there something that could have triggered the behaviour? Did he see his parents or go back to places that could have dragged up the past for him? If he is anything like my son he has an incredible memory and will bring up things from years ago with heart felt emotion. He also finds it hard to articulate emotions sometimes, this is when he tends to meltdown, luckily so far it has not been violent. We find when he is behaving in an unacceptable way consistent discipline works well, he has time out for bad behaviour, which he hates, but it works for him. And a reward chart for good behaviour. I'm sure there are people on here that will give you suggestion for dealing with the violence.

I am shocked that your friends would suggest "dumping" it is hard when things aren't going well, but our kids have hard enough a time getting through with a stable home, I can't imagine how hard it would be if they were in a home, I'm sure during the good times you've seen a great kid just trying hard to please.

Hang in there, you are doing a great job.

Lor B

From: la_mcavoy <lakombert@...>Subject: ( ) New member intro Date: Wednesday, 21 October, 2009, 10:02

Hi my name is Laurie. My husband and I are raising our 8 year old grandson and have been since he was 2 years old. He was abused and neglected by his mother and completely ignored by his father. His father is our son. When he first came to us, it was suggested that he may have PDD. We brought him to the top developmental specialist where we lived at the time and he ruled it out. Dillon didn't walk or talk until he was well past his 2nd birthday. He was developmentally delayed (due to severe neglect we believe), he was diagnosed as having OCD at age 3. He was also diagnosed as having a high anxiety level and has been on prozac since age 4. He as also diagnosed with RAD.Dillon was prone to rages and temper tantrums that could last anywhere from 15 minutes to hours on end. Psychiatrist increased his prozac. He caught up academically and was ahead of most of his classmates once he got into school and he absorbed information like a

sponge. Socially though he has never done well. He's never fit in. He's always preferred to be with adults than children. He would have crying jags, etc.We moved from NY to TN and alot of his problems seemed to go away. He actually seemed like a different child. Things were wonderful for 7 months. No problems. He went to NY for his birthday and when he came back, all the old stuff started. He's back to the rages and hours long temper tantrums, his prozac has been tripled, etc. He has now even started to become violent. He's kicked and hit me, thrown fist sized rocks at my husband, and hit me in the back with a crystal.In July we had a forensic psychistric do an evaluation of him. They told us that he had Aspergers not RAD, not OCD like we believed all these years. They also said he has ODD. ASPERGERS??? PDD and AS were ruled out years ago! I've been reading up on AS. I just feel lost. Two weeks ago my husband went to my

grandson's counselor and said that they need to help us because he's afraid someone in our house is going to get hurt and someone is going to end up in jail.We love this little boy so very much. But we don't know where to turn to for help. We've had friends tell us to "dump him in a foster home, he's not your child". But he's our grandchild and we love him fiercely. He has already had his parents who have given up on him. We don't want to give up on him too. But we need to understand how to help him and how to help ourselves. Any suggestions on where to start? His counselor really isn't much help. He got us a case manager and she is zero help. Thank you and I'm sorry this is so long.Laurie

Posted October 21, 2009 · October 21, 2009

In a message dated 10/21/2009 6:46:02 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, lorrainedavidson12@... writes:

This sounds incredible hard to deal with. Were you with him when he went to NY, was there something that could have triggered the behaviour?

I didn't go to NY with him, my husband did. Someone had to stay in TN to maintain the farm. He saw his mother and her family when he was there and we're almost positive that's what triggered him. It's been nonstop ever since.

The problem with my friends is that they all have grown children and they, like us, are retired and are living their lives to the fullest. They travel when they want, they don't have small children to take with them. They can't imagine going through what we go through.

But we love Dillon and his parents have already abandoned him. He was physically and sexually abused and neglected by his mother. Our son refuses to have anything to do with him because he's "damaged goods". So what? We're supposed to give up on him too? No, we won't do that. We'll do what is necessary to give him the best life possible.

But I have to admit, its not easy sometimes.

Laurie

Posted October 22, 2009 · October 22, 2009

OMG what a dreadful start to life, thats absolutely horrible. Does he need to have any contact with his mother? Must be horrific coming face to face with your abuser, even worse when its your mother, the very person that is supposed to love and protect you. Was she prosecuted for what she did?

I wonder whether he thought his new life and home meant that his past was just that and it couldn't happen again, perhaps it has made him think his past isn't too far away and could catch up with him again.

Its a shame you son can't see that your son is not to blame for this, could it be that your son feels guilty that he never stopped the abuse? Obviously don't have the facts so sorry if anything is way off.

I hear what you are saying about your friends, they have their freedom to do what they like, whereas you and your husband are tied down, both with the farm and your grandson, it can be very hard, but on the occasions you see the good side and the wonderful sense of humour and imagination, it makes up for some of the hard times.

I hope he settles down soon, is he getting any councelling? My son finds some pretend stuff really scarey and hard to deal with, your grandson has memories of the real thing to deal with, he must be terrified. My thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

Lor B

/09, lakombert@... <lakombert@...> wrote:

From: lakombert@... <lakombert@...>Subject: Re: ( ) New member intro Date: Thursday, 22 October, 2009, 0:58

In a message dated 10/21/2009 6:46:02 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk writes:

This sounds incredible hard to deal with. Were you with him when he went to NY, was there something that could have triggered the behaviour?

I didn't go to NY with him, my husband did. Someone had to stay in TN to maintain the farm. He saw his mother and her family when he was there and we're almost positive that's what triggered him. It's been nonstop ever since.

The problem with my friends is that they all have grown children and they, like us, are retired and are living their lives to the fullest. They travel when they want, they don't have small children to take with them. They can't imagine going through what we go through.

But we love Dillon and his parents have already abandoned him. He was physically and sexually abused and neglected by his mother. Our son refuses to have anything to do with him because he's "damaged goods". So what? We're supposed to give up on him too? No, we won't do that. We'll do what is necessary to give him the best life possible.

But I have to admit, its not easy sometimes.

Laurie

Posted December 28, 2009 · December 28, 2009

Hi Marcia,

Welcome to the group.

Everyone experiences different levels of pain and you are still in the early

days of recovery so as you build up strength in the leg you should begin to see

a decrease in your pain level. Are you taking pain meds on schedule? That's an

important part of recovery, and also if you've had some nerve damage that could

also be causing the pain.

I remember my knee felt pretty loose at around that stage as well (my surgery

was in May '09) but soon went away. If it continues for a while you should talk

to your os about an xray to make certain all is well.

Good luck,

Jeff

________________________________

From: mnewcomb2002 <mnewcomb@...>

Joint Replacement

Sent: Mon, December 28, 2009 8:43:57 PM

Subject: New Member Intro

Hello all,

I just joined the list & thought I'd introduce myself. I had a total knee

replacement 6 weeks ago today. I think it's coming along pretty well but have a

couple concerns - probably the same type questions everyone has at this point!

My first concern is my pain level. It's only been 6 weeks but I was thinking the

level of pain would be decreasing by this time but it hasn't happened yet. I had

some nerve damage in that knee after my first arthroscopy & I don't know if that

might still be causing issues. I also went into this surgery (my third on that

knee in just over a year) with that knee in pretty poor shape so that might be

slowing my rehab a little also.

My other concern is that that knee seems very loose and it feels like pieces are

really moving around when I step on it. I'm assuming that's because the muscles

are still weak but my PT remarked that I have a lot of crackling in that knee,

more than she would expect, so I wonder if all is ok with that.

Anyways, I am planning on spending time going through the archives here &

hopefully, I will find some answers that will ease my concerns!

Thanks for letting me join your list!

Marcia in NH

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Posted December 30, 2009 · December 30, 2009

Hi, I am new here too. I had TKR on October 14th. The surgery went well, but

the after care and pain was really bad. I had tons of blood in my leg, and had

spasms in my foot and calf, radiating up to my hip for about a week, so bad that

it was impossible to sleep almost at all. I got a few hours here and there....

and staff at the first hospital was horrible. I was transferred to a decent

hospital and things got better.

My pain level was not good either. And I could not take the pain meds, as I

reacted to everything and ended back up in hospital because of them. So I have

been going without my pain meds since about the 4th week. I started taking

like a half of a pain pill when I could not sleep or something but for the most

part I have felt the pain. I still have pain, but it is getting better as

time goes on. It is slow and barely notable from day to day, but then somedays

I notice I have not hurt for hours.

I still have pain and as I do therapy it increases and decreases. I expect

that as the weeks move on for you, your pain will get to be less and less.

This surgery was much more painful than I had anticipated. No one tells you

before how bad it will be, and for me with the spasms and heaps of blood, well I

think it was worse for me. MY incision didn't bother me at all, it was the

lower leg and foot. I now have some of that but it is not really intolerable.

So I am 2.5 months out from surgery. I think probably you will begin to

really feel a lot better in a couple weeks. They say, and it is true,

" everyone is different " and that is why no one wants to address this pain issue

I think. If you can, take your pain meds as prescribed. I know that would have

helped me a lot if I could have. Hope this helps.

I would ask my doctor about the crackling in that knee. I don't have any at

all. My other knee sure does though, and the doc said the noise is not to be

concerned about........but I take it this is the new knee talking to you!!!

My muscles were tight and loose.........my leg was really deformed and I was

supposed to have been in a brace for a few years but wasn't.............so my

knee was really bad......they also had to cut a tendon to get the knee cap to do

what ever it was it needed to do.....So my situation is my very own.......but

maybe that will give you a bit of insight too.

The muscles have to be strengthened and things worked on to make the knee

function well. Good luck....... dash