Feeling Down

May 22, 1999

HI Marie,

I know just what you mean with the depression, it just makes everything seem

worse and its so frustrating. Hopefully it will pass quickly and you are

lucky you have some medication and a doctor who you can call. Take care and

I hope you feel better!

May 22, 1999

Marie, at least your depression is relatively mild compared to the one

I had when first contracting HCV and you can tolerate it. I am more

afraid of the depression than of the HCV and could not even conceive

of taking interferon and risking that again. Arlene

May 22, 1999

Arlene, were you suicidal? I get so depressed when I am feeling bad

physically and I am afraid to take the meds cuz that will make it worse but

hen again maybe in the long run it will make me feel better. Who

knows...this is such a vicious cycle.

May 22, 1999

Marie: Just try to hold onto knowing that it will pass, and the clouds will

clear. And like you said, look at it as having to feel worse temporarily in

order to feel good again. Don't be afraid to tell someone if you're feeling

suicidal. We're thinking about you in land.

May 23, 1999

, I will try to describe the depression but my description cannot

fully reflect its depth: It was like a deep black hole that was both

completely surrounding me and was also within me. There was a

terrible emptiness as if I had been hollowed out. There was no joy in

anything, even my grandchildren who had previously been the light of

my life. I thought only of illness and death. I was overwhelmed by

everything, could not cope with the most mundane things like making a

phone call and going through voice mail or being put on hold. I felt

completely helpless and hopeless. I had no appetite whatsoever, food

held no interest. Sleep was only possible with pills. I felt removed

from the world, wanting someone to rescue me but unable to respond to

their efforts. There was no escape. If there is such a thing as hell,

this must surely be what it is like. I was terrified I might commit

suicide, because life was so painful. Now that I am finally out of

it, I would rather die than ever go through that again. Arlene

May 23, 1999

Gerri, I did not yet know that I had the illness when the depression

started. As I have always been health oriented and opposed to putting

artificial chemicals into my body I found a natural antidepressant,

SAMe (at the time it was virtually unknown except by the Life

Extension Institute, but has recently entered the mainstream and made

by many companies and can be obtained almost anywhere) and began

taking it at the minimal dose. Over the course of a few months I

increased it to the maximum dose, where it remains now. Fortunately,

it also has liver protective properties. I am leary of regular

antidepressant drugs because of toxic side effects which we are always

learning about too late in drugs. Arlene

May 23, 1999

Was this depression due to the knowledge of the illness or due to the

medication?

I have been severly depressed and suicidal as well. Once I started to

consider ways to remove myself from life, I went to my doctor. I am now

taking Celexa, an anti depressant. It's helping alot.

Gerri

Tucson, Az

Re: Feeling down

From: arbrus@...