anyone else feel so alone?

[Guest guest]

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time

adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different

from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class

this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day

suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our

hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a

safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school

system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be

plenty of resources.

My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a

hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are

just dong the best we can.

Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of

people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever could. This is the

isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.

I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical

families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if

ever?

Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

[Guest guest]

It is lonely. I have connected with other mothers thru an AS group in NJ and it

very helpful to finding resources otherwise it is like looking for a needle in a

haystack. Some people seem to be able to

integrate into community easier than we have. We belong to a summer

RV campground. One family there is able to socialize with other adults while

their son stays in the RV and plays computer games. Our daughter on the other

hand wants my full engagement with her and her interests. It is impossible for

us to socialize with other adults except in very limited ways.

For helping your son there are such small pockets of great AS support in the US.

Not everyone can just pick up and move to these places right? The Orion Academy

on CA is an AS high school. Chapel Haven is for adult transition skills in CT.

There is a very active AS support group called ASCEND in Phili. We have a group

called ASPEN in NJ and they have a yearly conference. Look at their website.

Perhaps others can offer other groups in other cities too that may be near year.

Pam

[Guest guest]

>

> Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of

people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever could. This is the

isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.

>

> I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical

families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if

ever?

I don't have any answers since I have also become very isolated in our community

and am also trying to find my way back to some kind of a life. Maybe some of us

can work through this on the list? I don't know where to start! I've started

keeping a journal, or trying to--hardly ever have time, to help sort my

thoughts, and I've identified some things for myself that I feel like I need to

make time for because they are my self-image and I'm not normal without

them--like exercising. I'm lost on the family piece. My husband is blind, has

some major health problems besides, is very poorly adapted to his disability, we

live in a state with very bad services, and he has a huge attitude. He has way

to many problems of his own to help me much with the kids/family issues. I'm on

my own, but I'm out of ideas and energy. Nobody in my family wants to do

anything as a family; I used to organize day trips, put the kids in very

carefully chosen activities, and try to do an ocassional thing at home as a

family. None of it was ever appreciated. I imagine they will discuss my

efforts in therapy at some point as horrible things I did. Anyway, I find

myself in a place where " normal " parents are discussing their " issues " and find

I have nothing to say. My NT son has started talking to me more when I can find

something to inquire about that interests him. That is something! So, one

thing I am trying to focus on is simply talking and trying to get the other

family members to open up and share their lives more. I think that is worth

something and maybe a first step to something. I often wonder what it is like

for my NT son living in such a dysfunctional family and feel bad. I feel bad

for all of us because I can't figure out anything to really make it better. I'm

totally snowed under in work with working full-time with a long commute, not

being able to hire any help, having a disabled husband and getting no services

from the school or anywhere, so we don't get out much in addition to all these

other problems. My husband, who has a lot more time on his hands than I do,

said one of the neighbors said they've decided I'm a recluse. So, nice of them

to share that with him, huh. This is maybe the only place where I can post this

or talk about it and people won't just dismiss it as a big whine. OK, I'm

rambling, I'll stop now. I know this doesn't contain any answers--just know you

are not alone on this list!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Someone mentioned finding other AS parents in a support group/type environment. For some people this is great and you should try it! Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) anyone else feel so alone?

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.42/2042 - Release Date: 04/05/09 10:54:00

[Guest guest]

Hi!

Yes, I think we are all in the same boat....I too isolate...I started going to a new church and getting my son confirmed. But, 3 incidents happened and the straw that broke my back was when the assistant pastor told my son to go sit with us instead of the other kids. I cried the entire service....I didn't even know why he did that. So after the service, my husband asked him...and he said oh, one of the girls heard my son curse...so they thought it would be best if he sat with us for a while....OMG....and that must have happened 3 weeks ago because they missed one week because they both were sick and didn't have class and the next week my son was sick...no one said anything to us...and they were suppose to be so caring and loving...I can't and don't want to go back...I feel hurt and also embarrassed...and I hate the way everyone looks at my son. He was so upset when he has to sit with us...he kind of acted out...slouched in the seat,

cracked his neck and put his head down...I wanted to leave right then and there but my husband would not let me.

Ugh!!!

I feel like you...we can go out and socialize...no one gets it...no one understands...it is hard!!! I feel safer at home ....and I don't have to hear the comments or get the looks. I am beginning to hate kids...they are so cruel...the neighbor girl shout at my son...Loser, Loser and the older boy who use to hang with my son said "How's your gandpa?" knowing he died a year ago....he lived with us for 12 years. And, this boy just lost his own dad???? My son, said to him, And, how is your dad? Normally my son would never say anything like that....but he had enough of this kid and his being cruel. He is learning how cruel kids are. Before he would let kids be cruel to him and then still beg them to come over...so I guess he is learning. I would love to go say something to the mom...but what is the point...she laready hates my son...she things he tattles all the time....Oh, well that is her problem...at least my son tells me

things...like that this kids smoked weed and got drunk...my son came home when this happened...and being so Aspie he tells me...not to tell on the kids but just out of making conversation....but I am not going to let this mom know anything....whereas I told my other neighbor so she could protect her daughter....am I evil? Not generally but I feel this mom and her son and daughter are so mean that I want nothing to do with them. I can't even look at them anymore. And, they go to church every single week.

Yes, I am isolated...but I make jewelry, crafts, read books, email, play with my dogs, walk, and watch tv and movies. And, I have all of you.

So my suggestion is maybe get a hobby to make yourself feel good and busy. I also just started sketching ....pencil ...I love it.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: beulah_mae2002 <beulah_mae2002@...>Subject: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever

could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

[Guest guest]

It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I

had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try

to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and

what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining.

Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined.

Pam

[Guest guest]

I too feel your pain and wish I knew the magical answer. I wish you ladies lived closer so we could support each other and help each other out.

A little over 4 years ago I took custody of my now 6 yr old niece and my now 9 yr old nephew. My nephew is the AS child and was being abused. My life turned upside down. My children are grown and my youngest at home is 16. I have started over!

I quit my job, I don't go to any church organizations anymore, my friends don't really socialize with us anymore and we don't go hardly go anywhere. I live in a very small community so it is hard for people to understand. My parents don' t have too much to do with the kids and we don't have a very good relationship even though we live in the same town. I definately don't socialize with my sister (these are her kids). The Grandma on their dad's side is real good to take my niece to give me a break but is finding it is hard to take my nephew because he takes so much care. Yes I do feel alone in this situation, but ladies I am determined to make the best of this situation. I am going to put myself back on the list to take care of me and not feel guilty about it!Take care and I say we stay in touch and support one another. Feel free to email me. It is my link to the "outside!"

Lori

From: beulah_mae2002 <beulah_mae2002@...>Subject: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever

could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

[Guest guest]

I try to find connection in small ways. I think it is a good day if I get to sit

and drink a cup of coffee in the diner without my

little girl there tugging on my hair to leave. I may laugh someday

at all the crazy things this kid has done. If I didn't care

what people thought maybe I could laugh more and enjoy our life more. We are

social beings I quess it matters to us.

If people could just once look at my daughter's behavior with puzzlement " what

in the world is that girl doing and why " ..instead of with anger and a " what

kind of a mother would allow such a thing "

well how about a mother that rarely gets out and wants to connect once awhile!

It is not funny to watch our kids suffer there is a real pain in that.

You can't joke about it because there are some serious issues sometimes. Maybe

the loneliness comes from there, I think it does. I think it is hard to connect

with others over suffering. I remember such connection with a friend in my late

20's we both shared a dream of a family. I never felt so connected. It is much

easier to make connections around hope and sharing fun easy times.

Pam

[Guest guest]

>

> The Grandma on their dad's side is real good to take my niece to give me a

break but is finding it is hard to take my nephew because he takes so much care.

Would she take your nephew just by himself sometimes? Just a thought. I know

my aspie is MUCH easier if he is by himself and nothing needs to be demanded of

him. Not only that, but sometimes he is quite enjoyable company.

I also have family near--a sister and grown niece in town, a grown niece about

an hour away, and another sister in another town in-state--that are not

supportive so we spend little time together. Sometimes I think their sole

interest in us is to gather juicy stuff to gossip about (and to get presents on

birthdays?). I can deal with it; it is my kids I feel bad about and wonder how

this will affect their self image.

> Yes I do feel alone in this situation, but ladies I am determined to make the

best of this situation. I am going to put myself back on the list to take care

of me and not feel guilty about it!

> Take care and I say we stay in touch and support one another. Feel free to

email me. It is my link to the " outside! "

Yes, let us all hang in there!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I have to say, this is one are that I've just been totally blessed in. See, my pastor's wife (who's also head of our children's ministry) is a special ed. teacher in an autism classroom. Needless to say, there are many accomodations made for my kids, including someone assigned to my older child who's an eloper for the duration of the service and in the children's classroom. (I have 4 kids, two who are PDD-NOS, and I take my children to church by myself, so the helper during worship is INVALUABLE...otherwise I wouldn't be able to go at all.) And, I have to say, that the church makes every effort for me to be able to participate in other activities as well...we have a women's meeting on Wednesday morning and I've got both my PDD kids and my NT 2 year old with me at that time, and we just worked out a way to make it fun and safe for everyone. Does someone sometimes have to chase my eloper who's escaped the room? Yup. Is it sometimes a pain that the moms with NT kids don't have to deal with? Yup. But it works, I get to participate, and not feel so isolated. In any case, there are churches that will be accepting, it's just finding them. And I don't believe you need the pastor's wife to be a sped teacher, either! (Although it doesn't hurt!)Mina -------------------------------Mina SmolinskiMommy to: 9/25/02 - NT 5/13/04 - PDD-NOSOwen 7/1/05 - PDD-NOS/HyperlexiaLila 3/3/07 - NT On Apr 5, 2009, at 10:54 PM, susanonderko wrote:It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining. Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined. Pam

[Guest guest]

We've had good luck with our church. My parents volunteer a lot and have met the church leaders and church "regulars" which probably helps. We've also talked to the youth pastor specifically about Dylan so he knew what was going on from early on. We've provided ways to deal with behavior (like "Don't assume Dylan can read a situation and understand the appropriate way to respond immediately. He'll get it, but you might have to pull him aside and explain a few things very concretely first.")

Dylan's a sweet kid and any adult who takes the time to connect with him sees it right away. I've actually received many compliments from the adults who've had the patience to see through some of the eccentric behaviors and see my "true" boy. He's so kind and considerate. For the adults that don't take the time and slap a negative label on him, it's truly their loss. They'll never see Dylan's desire to please, compassion, consideration, loyalty, humor, etc... they'll only interpret some of his mannerisms or words as "behavior problem" when that is completely inaccurate. Once Dylan is able to realize what's going on and interpret it appropriately, he's able to make the right choice the majority of the time. Probably even more so than me! He's like our moral compass of the family. Never thought that would've been the case when he was

in Kindergarten! But I was still interpreting his behavior inappropriately like some adults do now. Thank goodness I figured it out! I won't take all of the credit though. Our psychologist at the time was amazing and she did a lot of good for me and for Dylan.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Sunday, April 5, 2009 9:54:29 PMSubject: Re: ( ) anyone else feel so alone?

It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining. Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined. Pam

[Guest guest]

I am not saying she never takes him but just takes my niece more. I am thankful for her because my niece doesn't have to miss out on activities. She is very good to take her skating and to church organizations. Things that if I took my nephew I would end up sitting in the car with him or leaving early. Grandmas has her own set of problems though. Their dad is currently sitting in jail right now on drug charges and she has another grandson with brain cancer. She is invaluable to me and has become my best friend. I am closer to her than I am to my own mother. Thank you to everyone for these boards, sometimes it is just a good release>

Lori

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Monday, April 6, 2009, 6:02 AM

>> The Grandma on their dad's side is real good to take my niece to give me a break but is finding it is hard to take my nephew because he takes so much care. Would she take your nephew just by himself sometimes? Just a thought. I know my aspie is MUCH easier if he is by himself and nothing needs to be demanded of him. Not only that, but sometimes he is quite enjoyable company. :)I also have family near--a sister and grown niece in town, a grown niece about an hour away, and another sister in another town in-state--that are not supportive so we spend little time together. Sometimes I think their sole interest in us is to gather juicy stuff to gossip

about (and to get presents on birthdays?). I can deal with it; it is my kids I feel bad about and wonder how this will affect their self image. > Yes I do feel alone in this situation, but ladies I am determined to make the best of this situation. I am going to put myself back on the list to take care of me and not feel guilty about it!> Take care and I say we stay in touch and support one another. Feel free to email me. It is my link to the "outside!"Yes, let us all hang in there!Ruth------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining. Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined. Pam

____________________________________________________________

Click here to find the perfect picture with our powerful photo search features.

[Guest guest]

It's like that in life even in the AS community. Some people will feel less

isolation. Their children's needs will be easier to have met in school and in

church. Others will struggle with more difficult problems, they will feel more

isolation.

Pam

[Guest guest]

It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining. Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined. Pam

____________________________________________________________ Click here to find the perfect picture with our powerful photo search features.

[Guest guest]

I try to find connection in small ways. I think it is a good day if I get to sit and drink a cup of coffee in the diner without my little girl there tugging on my hair to leave. I may laugh someday at all the crazy things this kid has done. If I didn't care what people thought maybe I could laugh more and enjoy our life more. We are social beings I quess it matters to us. If people could just once look at my daughter's behavior with puzzlement "what in the world is that girl doing and why" ..instead of with anger and a "what kind of a mother would allow such a thing" well how about a mother that rarely gets out and wants to connect once awhile! It is not funny to watch our kids suffer there is a real pain in that.You can't joke about it because there are some serious issues sometimes. Maybe the loneliness comes from there, I think it does. I think it is hard to connect with others over suffering. I remember such connection with a friend in my late 20's we both shared a dream of a family. I never felt so connected. It is much easier to make connections around hope and sharing fun easy times. Pam

____________________________________________________________

Digital Photography - Click Now.

[Guest guest]

Some AS kids are less prone to unwanted behaviors in public and fit in better.

Other AS kids stand out more. It is understandable that if the kids behavior is

too much (impatient, frustrated, anxious, demanding, inappropriate) that they

should not participate in a group. It may be understandable but it is never the

less, isolating. Thats when the criticism starts usually directed at Mom. There

are for some of us not an easy fix (meds, more social skills), if there were we

wouldn't be struggling.

Pam

[Guest guest]

I can tell you my son's unwanted public behaviors get less and less the older he gets. I really didn't ever see a light at the end of the tunnel when he was younger, but there is definitely a big light shining on us now. That doesn't mean I don't worry and have concern, because I do. We were at a Relay for Life event this weekend and I was able to let him go out and about and just have a good time. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've felt comfortable enough to just let him go in a uncontrolled social situation without a lot of monitoring on my end (one being another Relay for Life event a few years ago!) But I know he's learned to assess situations better and I felt okay knowing we were at a fundraising event with a lot of people who were also dedicated to raising money for the American Cancer Society. Probably friendlier and more understanding

than your typical "public" event. Besides a soccer ball incident where a man got really mad at D and the boy he was playing with (and we got into a verbal altercation, but that's another story!), he had no problems. My heart was in my throat part of the time, but I think it was a good experience for him.

So I guess we do shelter him. Partly because I'm nervous about letting him go to places w/out structure and adult supervision but mostly b/c he doesn't have a lot of interest in putting himself out there either. He likes to stay closer to home. I would never let him go to the mall or any other typical teen hangout place not because I don't trust him but because I don't trust other kids. Since he only has one friend his age that lives anywhere close, he doesn't get invited to many things either but I don't think it bothers him.

Life is so different for me with my NT daughter though. She's a social butterfly. It's night and day from how I feel towards Dylan. For , I have to worry about her physical safety only, like any typical mom/kid situation. For Dylan, I have to worry about so much more, but it has lessened over time. It is so great to go to a restaurant playground or park or birthday party with b/c I just let her go. I'm not worried about people being mean to her b/c if they are, she can stick up for herself in an appropriate way. I don't have to worry about meltdowns or anything like I had to worry about when Dylan was 7. I feel for you guys that are in that place right now b/c I know how hard it is to feel like you want to put your child in a bubble.

I guess what I'm saying is, things can get better. They might not ever be what you originally hoped, but as they grow and change, you might see improvements you never thought possible. I originally wanted a son who was popular, a football star, did well in school, and had a kind heart. Right now I have a kid who's figuring out better how to fit in with his peers, loves playing soccer on a rec team, makes A's and B's on his report card, has a super-kind heart, is extremely polite, and has the strongest moral compass of any other child I know. Not what I originally expected, but how can I complain? He's a GREAT KID. Sometimes if you adjust your expectations, it's easier to notice the successes.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 11:15:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) anyone else feel so alone?

Some AS kids are less prone to unwanted behaviors in public and fit in better. Other AS kids stand out more. It is understandable that if the kids behavior is too much (impatient, frustrated, anxious, demanding, inappropriate) that they should not participate in a group. It may be understandable but it is never the less, isolating. Thats when the criticism starts usually directed at Mom. There are for some of us not an easy fix (meds, more social skills), if there were we wouldn't be struggling. Pam

[Guest guest]

Exactly. Been there, too. God is everywhere you choose to look. Understanding isn't.

Robin

From: Norma Filbrun <n.filbrun1@...>Subject: Re: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Monday, April 6, 2009, 10:11 AM

It hurts when church people are not understanding it is a loss of community. I had to accept that we would have to do alot less. I try to look at it as a simplier life. My loyalty is to my husband and daughter and what is best for our peace. If there is too much criticism it is just draining. Then church has to be a walk in the woods and a prayer. Life gets way redefined. Pam

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ Click here to find the perfect picture with our powerful photo search features.

[Guest guest]

re: 16/school/suspension Did you want more help in the school? He should be

getting skill development in handling emotions/teasing/adult skills. Every

school has a counselor and child study team. I hope he is classifed under IEP.

There should be a plan now and transition skills to adulthood in place for him

now.

I was asking others about social skill curriculums for young children. So I am

no expert but for your son's age group there is a book by Jed Baker for AS teen

social skills. Something like that should be taught to him based on his

particular needs. If he is classifed there should be a plan for how to address

and prevent his behavior issues in school. Suspension for a child with a

disability hmmm what is the school going to do to prevent this behavior in the

future?

School is the place that should understand his issues and triggers.

If they do a functional behavioral assessment they will have to

analyze what were the triggers for his behavior that led to the suspension. And

what is in place to prevent it in the future.

If they do not have a autism specialist for the FBA they have state

resources to get them. Every state does. If he has a diagnosis of AS

from a doctor he has a disability and can get school resources.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Thank you for that.

Lori

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: Re: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Monday, April 6, 2009, 11:15 AM

Some AS kids are less prone to unwanted behaviors in public and fit in better. Other AS kids stand out more. It is understandable that if the kids behavior is too much (impatient, frustrated, anxious, demanding, inappropriate) that they should not participate in a group. It may be understandable but it is never the less, isolating. Thats when the criticism starts usually directed at Mom. There are for some of us not an easy fix (meds, more social skills), if there were we wouldn't be struggling. Pam------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

She says he's a "tattletale"? I haven't been able to figure out what's

wrong with that. As far as I can see, "tattling" is the same as

"whistle-blowing" or helping to reduce evil in the world.

The way I see it, people who have a problem with "tattle-tales" are

people up to something bad, too often, lol

And, I personally, would think about it, like you did, and then decide

to tell the mom about the kid that inquires rudely about a deceased

relative. Especially if she hates my son, because then I'd have one

over on her. I don't care if it's a month later or if I only talked to

her once a year - I'd make a point to tell her.

My motto is to "do the right thing" no matter what others do. lol. i'm

such an aspie sometimes

Take care

rushen janice wrote:

Hi!

Yes, I think we are all in the same boat....I too

isolate...I started going to a new church and getting my son confirmed.

But, 3 incidents happened and the straw that broke my back was when the

assistant pastor told my son to go sit with us instead of the other

kids. I cried the entire service....I didn't even know why he did

that. So after the service, my husband asked him...and he said oh, one

of the girls heard my son curse...so they thought it would be best if

he sat with us for a while....OMG....and that must have happened 3

weeks ago because they missed one week because they both were sick and

didn't have class and the next week my son was sick...no one said

anything to us...and they were suppose to be so caring and loving...I

can't and don't want to go back...I feel hurt and also

embarrassed...and I hate the way everyone looks at my son. He was so

upset when he has to sit with us...he kind of acted out...slouched in

the seat, cracked his neck and put his head down...I wanted to leave

right then and there but my husband would not let me.

Ugh!!!

I feel like you...we can go out and socialize...no one

gets it...no one understands...it is hard!!! I feel safer at home

.....and I don't have to hear the comments or get the looks. I am

beginning to hate kids...they are so cruel...the neighbor girl shout at

my son...Loser, Loser and the older boy who use to hang with my son

said "How's your gandpa?" knowing he died a year ago....he lived with

us for 12 years. And, this boy just lost his own dad???? My son, said

to him, And, how is your dad? Normally my son would never say anything

like that....but he had enough of this kid and his being cruel. He is

learning how cruel kids are. Before he would let kids be cruel to him

and then still beg them to come over...so I guess he is learning. I

would love to go say something to the mom...but what is the point...she

laready hates my son...she things he tattles all the time....Oh, well

that is her problem...at least my son tells me things...like that this

kids smoked weed and got drunk...my son came home when this

happened...and being so Aspie he tells me...not to tell on the kids but

just out of making conversation....but I am not going to let this mom

know anything....whereas I told my other neighbor so she could protect

her daughter....am I evil? Not generally but I feel this mom and her

son and daughter are so mean that I want nothing to do with them. I

can't even look at them anymore. And, they go to church every single

week.

Yes, I am isolated...but I make jewelry, crafts, read

books, email, play with my dogs, walk, and watch tv and movies. And, I

have all of you.

So my suggestion is maybe get a hobby to make yourself

feel good and busy. I also just started sketching ....pencil ...I love

it.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try

to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: beulah_mae2002 <beulah_mae2002@...>

Subject: ( ) anyone else feel so alone?

Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had

a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes

now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out

against other students in class this year, which led him to have in

school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in

a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find

that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go

to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are

sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty

of resources.

My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We

plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it

all out. We are just dong the best we can.

Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with

alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever could.

This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.

I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the

typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a

functional adult, if ever?

Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

[Guest guest]

Ha ha! And, I am so the opposite..what is the point...she will or wont' beleive me or make something up....so I let it go...it eats me a little...but then I tell myself...I don't have the problem..they do...so I hold my head high and don't even look at their house when i go by. I know my son loved his poppy and he did love Shane until he started picking on him. Maybe there is good in part of all this mess...he learned (at least in this situation)...not to take the kid's garbage anymore...that part I loved. I feel sorry for the family losing their dad,husband....but I am not going to go out of my way for them. I am just going to be the better person and realize that her kids are rude and so is she. And, you know what....she is suffering in the long run...because I know so much about her son....he is NO angel...but let her find out the hard way

....maybe she never will know that but it is out of my hands. I just hate the fact that he comes down in front of our house and skate boards and throws the football with Brad...it is level in front of our house ...but I still think they are trying to hurt him...they could find another place to go.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: beulah_mae2002 <beulah_mae2002>Subject: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever

could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

[Guest guest]

{{Jan}} I know how you feel. It's hard. I think getting a hobby is a great idea. I crochet! I was going to say, my dd loves to sketch in pencil too.

Roxanna

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Reagan

( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.42/2042 - Release Date: 04/05/09 10:54:00

[Guest guest]

Oh, I just picked it up...I got some books at the library and I love it...I love coloring and it is so calming for me and gets my mind off everything....maybe one day I will try watercolors...but so far it is just for fun...I don't want to take classes ...I just want to do it when I want ....I don't want anything that gives me a schedule ...Ha Ha. I even love to color in coloring books....

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: beulah_mae2002 <beulah_mae2002>Subject: ( ) anyone else feel so alone? Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:05 PM

My story is probably not unique. My 16 year old has had a horrible time adjusting to the changes in high school and realizes now that he is different from his peers. There has been new acting out against other students in class this year, which led him to have in school suspension followed by a 3 day suspension at home. Now he is in a BED type classroom setting which breaks our hearts. However, we find that this teacher is good for Ben and does give him a safe person to go to. Of course, deficiencies in services within the school system are sorely lacking. If he were not high functioning, there would be plenty of resources.My husband retired from his job to be available to be there for him. We plan a hybrid type education plan for him and are trying to figure it all out. We are just dong the best we can.Meanwhile, I am finding I would rather hide out at home than be with alot of people. I feel no one understands our situation or ever

could. This is the isolated feeling part, which I am sure we all share.I need help figuring this out. How to reconcile our lives with the typical families I see? How to survive? How to help him become a functional adult, if ever?Any words of wisdom or hope, I would greatly appreciate.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.42/2042 - Release Date: 04/05/09 10:54:00