Re: Re: I Do Not Have Asperger's!!! to Jackie

[Guest guest]

I never use the word CANT at my house.. unless it involves danger!

is a very bright boy and he understands a lot more feelings

then the typical AS child.. I THINK! He knows when he is feeling

anxious or depressed... he just might not use those words. It's weird

the words that he uses to tell me how he feels! So anyway I can tell

that he may feel this way because he has XYZ and he will take

it completely out of context and decide it's the excuse for something

we he DOESN " T want to do it! Make sense?

Robin's son Ian is emailing too! I think it's a wonderful idea

that will have Tommy and Ian to email him. really

needs to work with staying on topic when he writes and just his basic

grammar! I'm also hoping that it will also help with some social

skills too! I'm not quite sure about that except there will be give

and take between the boys on receiving and returning the emails. I

know is extremely excited about having his own emails!! He is

curious about meeting other children like him now! I just have to find

some local children with AS so that he can SEE that he's not the only

" weird " (his word not mine!!!) kid! Weird is also the word the kids at

school use to describe him! So that's probably why he uses it for

himself!

Jackie

On Jul 15, 2007, at 10:05 AM, Rose wrote:

> My son said to me he was glad I told him what he has.  He now knows

> the areas he has to work harder on.  As far as children using the

> aspergers as an excuse, that they can't do something because they have

> aspergers.  I wonder if they hear it from someone in school first

> - say, you can't do that because you have aspergers.  then our

> kids repeat it. 

> Do you have any others responding to be a pen-pal?  This would also

> help with reading & writing skills.  maybe a little social skills? 

>  

>

> <hunebear3@...> wrote:

>> I got the email. is at his grandparents house until Monday..

>> so let Tommy know that will not reply until Monday afternoon.

>> is extremely excited to be getting emails from other children.

>>

>> I finally broke down and told him what his DX was... He seemed very

>> relived!! LOL

>>

>> Jackie

>> On Jul 14, 2007, at 7:44 PM, Rose wrote:

>>

>> > Hello, If I did this right, I (Mom) sent your son an e-mail.  If I

>> got

>> > the address right.  Tommy will write him back. (he needs help with

>> the

>> > typing/spelling, and will take a long time).   If you didn't get an

>> > e-mail.  There was a problem with the e-mail address.

>> > in the subject box:  I typed pen-pal  to matthew. 

>> >

>> >

>> > wrote:

>> >> My son said the same thing... Can I go visit?? I'm excited for the

>> two

>> >> of them as well because they will work on some other skills besides

>> >> friendship! Yeah I wish I was closer to a lot of the people of this

>> >> group! There are so many nice moms and wonderful (just like my

>> child)

>> >> children!

>> >>

>> >> Jackie

>> >> On Jul 13, 2007, at 12:07 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >>

>> >> > great... I'll have him start Saturday after his social skills

>> >> > program.  He's excited as well.  He wanted to go to your house

>> >> > to visit with him.  LOL.  to bad we aren't closer.

>> >> >

>> >> > wrote:No, I'm fine with real

>> >> > names! For now... just use my regular email

>> >> >> address for too! I'll set up a folder on my computer for

>> so

>> >> >> that he can see when he has " pen pal " email! It's going to be so

>> >> >> excited.

>> >> >>

>> >> >> Thanks Rose!!

>> >> >>

>> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 7:43 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >>

>> >> >> > Great.  my son is 10.  If would like to e-mail him. 

>> He

>> >> can

>> >> >> > use my address, and in the subject space:  put 'pen-pal' and

>> we

>> >> will

>> >> >> > know its for him.  Would you like to use nick names?

>> >> >> > As soon as my son gets out of the shower, I'll let him know he

>> >> has a

>> >> >> > pen-pal.  LOL 

>> >> >> >

>> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> I just asked him and he's dancing around singing YES YES

>> YES!!

>> >> So

>> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> guessing that he would love to have an email pen pal!! His

>> name

>> >> is

>> >> >> >> and he will be 11 years old in December. I'll set him

>> >> up an

>> >> >> >> email account tonight!!!

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> I don't think there is anyone on this group that is close

>> by...

>> >> >> but we

>> >> >> >> shall see! But for now the email thing would be perfect!

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 5:56 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> > If no one is close by, (I'm in N.Y.).  Maybe others (on

>> this

>> >> >> >> > site) with children the same age as your son  can e-mail

>> you

>> >> off

>> >> >> >> line

>> >> >> >> > with their e-mail address and he can have a 'pen pal'.  or

>> >> maybe

>> >> >> >> write

>> >> >> >> > letters, or talk on the phone.  they can be " HIS "

>> >> friend. Maybe

>> >> >> he

>> >> >> >> can

>> >> >> >> > even have his own e-mail address.   Would that interest

>> him?

>> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> Rose,

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> These are all great suggestions! is only involved

>> in

>> >> >> Karate

>> >> >> >> >> right now. His only other interest is Video games. He will

>> >> not

>> >> >> >> >> participate in any group sports as he HATES sports! I am

>> >> trying

>> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> locate a local support group that is more geared toward

>> AS.

>> >> >> There

>> >> >> >> is a

>> >> >> >> >> Special needs group that meets approx 30 minutes from my

>> >> house

>> >> >> but

>> >> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> >> think that is more of a " mom " support meeting even though

>> >> >> children

>> >> >> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> welcomed. I just finished a Sleep Study at the Local

>> >> Children's

>> >> >> >> >> hospital and I had some great Mom's in my group and lucky

>> >> for us

>> >> >> >> all

>> >> >> >> >> we

>> >> >> >> >> have children that are all about the same age. So we are

>> >> >> planning

>> >> >> >> on

>> >> >> >> >> forming our own little group as soon as vacation season is

>> >> over.

>> >> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> >> looking forward to that because the other mom's have

>> children

>> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> Dx with AS too!

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> does not understand the concept of what a friend

>> is

>> >> >> >> either. He

>> >> >> >> >> thinks when someone asks to " borrow " (which means keep in

>> the

>> >> >> other

>> >> >> >> >> children's eyes) that they are his " friend " . If they want

>> to

>> >> >> play

>> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> him ONE day out of 7 then they are his friend. Basically

>> >> anyone

>> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> his " nice " to him on a one time basis is his friend! We

>> talk

>> >> >> about

>> >> >> >> >> what a friend is frequently and I try to help when the

>> boys

>> >> are

>> >> >> >> over,

>> >> >> >> >> but like I said I can not trust him going to the other's

>> >> boy's

>> >> >> >> house

>> >> >> >> >> as

>> >> >> >> >> they are unsupervised. These boys are all about 10 years

>> old

>> >> and

>> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> come knocking on our door as late as 8:30 pm!! I'm sorry

>> if I

>> >> >> sound

>> >> >> >> >> like a overprotective mother but my kids are usually in

>> bed

>> >> at

>> >> >> this

>> >> >> >> >> time... especially if it's a school night!!

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> will do just about anything that someone tells

>> him to

>> >> >> do or

>> >> >> >> >> dares whatever it is! So that's another reason I don't

>> feel

>> >> safe

>> >> >> >> >> allowing him to go to far from home. There is one boy

>> that he

>> >> >> plays

>> >> >> >> >> with that spends the night here that is very tolerate of

>> >> >> .

>> >> >> >> He's

>> >> >> >> >> attuned into 's problems even though he doesn't

>> know

>> >> >> whats

>> >> >> >> >> wrong

>> >> >> >> >> with him. Walter-- the friend has asked me several times

>> why

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> cries so easily and why he gets so mad... but he will

>> usually

>> >> >> try

>> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> calm down or talk him through it. He also tells

>> the

>> >> >> other

>> >> >> >> boys

>> >> >> >> >> to stop making fun of him! BUT... he(walter) likes to play

>> >> with

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> other boys too and this ticks off because he

>> thinks

>> >> he

>> >> >> >> should

>> >> >> >> >> be the ONLY friend!! What a hard life to live!!!

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> Maybe there's someone on this group that lives closeby...

>> I

>> >> >> live in

>> >> >> >> >> Gallatin, TN!!! Want to hook up for a Play date?????? LOL

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 11:08 AM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> > Hi Jackie,

>> >> >> >> >> > The same problem here.  there are a click (handful) of

>> >> >> children

>> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> > are unsupervised under 12 and free to do what they want

>> >> >> including

>> >> >> >> >> > staying out till late hours.  The ones that are

>> supervised

>> >> >> only

>> >> >> >> have

>> >> >> >> >> > scheduled playdates, have to stay in site of their

>> parents.

>> >> >> (like

>> >> >> >> >> > mine).

>> >> >> >> >> > and of course when the unsupervised boys are separated. 

>> >> the

>> >> >> one

>> >> >> >> >> > that's left home with nothing to do would come over to

>> play

>> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> > son.  great, He has a friend???  problem is, he asked

>> if he

>> >> >> could

>> >> >> >> >> have

>> >> >> >> >> > everything my son has.  He just got a fishing pole still

>> >> with

>> >> >> >> tags. 

>> >> >> >> >> > and the kid wanted it.  I explained to my son what a

>> >> 'friend'

>> >> >> >> is. 

>> >> >> >> >> > also asked if he thought these boys fit that

>> description of

>> >> >> >> >> 'friend'. 

>> >> >> >> >> > so, he played by himself for a while.  He joined a boys

>> &

>> >> >> >> girls club

>> >> >> >> >> > and gets to play with other children there.   He also

>> >> wants a

>> >> >> >> 'best

>> >> >> >> >> > friend' so bad.  but right now, I'd rather him wait and

>> >> play

>> >> >> at

>> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> > boys club, than get into trouble or hurt feelings with

>> >> those

>> >> >> >> >> > unsupervised boys.  I could easily see him doing

>> something

>> >> >> >> dangerous

>> >> >> >> >> > just because he says he is strong or nothing bad can

>> >> happen.

>> >> >> >> >> (because

>> >> >> >> >> > he doesn't understand the concept of danger).  

>> >> >> >> >> > I think sometimes our children need some adult help when

>> >> >> >> choosing a

>> >> >> >> >> > friend.  a little explaining that names " do hurt " and a

>> >> >> 'friend'

>> >> >> >> >> won't

>> >> >> >> >> > call you names.    Is your son involved in boyscouts?

>> >> >> baseball?

>> >> >> >> >> maybe

>> >> >> >> >> > you can call one of those boys over for a playdate and

>> if

>> >> your

>> >> >> >> son

>> >> >> >> >> is

>> >> >> >> >> > into fishing, movies, riding bikes.  Maybe you can

>> arrange

>> >> for

>> >> >> >> them

>> >> >> >> >> > both to do that together with you supervising until a

>> >> >> friendship

>> >> >> >> >> > develops.  Just a thought.  I wish I had more ideas for

>> >> you. 

>> >> >> >> When

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> > boys call your son stupid.  Have him say:  takes on to

>> know

>> >> >> one

>> >> >> >> -and

>> >> >> >> >> > walk away.  maybe not those exact words, but something

>> to

>> >> say

>> >> >> >> >> back so

>> >> >> >> >> > your son wont feel so hurt.   Sorry he has to be around

>> >> those

>> >> >> >> mean

>> >> >> >> >> > children.   Do you have an aspergers support group near

>> >> >> you?  If

>> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> > have children your sons age, mayby you can all meet at a

>> >> park

>> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> see

>> >> >> >> >> > who he gets along with???.   *smile*

>> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> Kids are all so mean!! Sometimes I can completely

>> >> understand

>> >> >> why

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> kids don't want to play with my DS... but then again he

>> >> is my

>> >> >> >> >> child!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> The neighborhood kids either are my son's best friend--

>> >> when

>> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> want

>> >> >> >> >> >> something or there's no one else to play or they hurl

>> >> insults

>> >> >> >> over

>> >> >> >> >> our

>> >> >> >> >> >> fence at my son. The worst insult to my son is

>> " stupid " !

>> >> He

>> >> >> can

>> >> >> >> >> >> handle them calling him a sissy or " Homo " much better

>> than

>> >> >> being

>> >> >> >> >> >> called

>> >> >> >> >> >> stupid! But then again after they call him stupid he's

>> >> real

>> >> >> >> quick

>> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> point out all the reason WHY he can't be stupid!! Which

>> >> then

>> >> >> >> makes

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> boys all laugh and tell him to go in the house! All of

>> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> neighborhood kids... which all happen to be boys play

>> >> mostly

>> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> >> DD... which is sad! She is the one who rides bikes with

>> >> them,

>> >> >> >> >> tosses

>> >> >> >> >> >> the football... you know typical boy things. is

>> >> now

>> >> >> >> >> beginning

>> >> >> >> >> >> to notice this more! One of the boys was in the house

>> >> >> yesterday

>> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> came to me and said " it happened again " and I

>> said

>> >> >> >> what...

>> >> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> then told me my friend is playing with ... she

>> took

>> >> him

>> >> >> >> away!

>> >> >> >> >> So

>> >> >> >> >> >> I made the girls and boys separate. That worked for a

>> >> while!

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> The friend thing is just getting worse and worse and

>> >> causing

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> not to even want to go out in the yard to play. Plus

>> some

>> >> of

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> children in the neighborhood are the kinds of kids

>> that I

>> >> >> don't

>> >> >> >> >> want

>> >> >> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> >> children playing with out of my sight... if you know

>> what

>> >> I

>> >> >> >> mean!

>> >> >> >> >> They

>> >> >> >> >> >> have NO parent supervision and are allowed to do pretty

>> >> much

>> >> >> >> >> whatever

>> >> >> >> >> >> they want to do and that is NOT a good place for

>>

>> >> to

>> >> >> be

>> >> >> >> >> >> especially. So sometimes I think they invite

>> over

>> >> >> >> because

>> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> know I won't let him go just to see him have a

>> breakdown

>> >> in

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> yard.

>> >> >> >> >> >> Believe me and I talk about this frequently,

>> but

>> >> when

>> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> moment comes... all of our talking is out the window!!!

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> This job of raising an AS child is Hard... just gotta

>> >> figure

>> >> >> out

>> >> >> >> >> how

>> >> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> lick it!! LOL

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 11, 2007, at 9:18 PM, Roxanna wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> > The depression part has been a problem here for my

>> 10 yo

>> >> >> ds. 

>> >> >> >> The

>> >> >> >> >> >> > " friend " thing is so awful.  I think it's the worst

>> >> thing

>> >> >> of

>> >> >> >> >> all. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> The

>> >> >> >> >> >> > kids in the neighborhood sometimes play with him but

>> >> more

>> >> >> >> often,

>> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> > tease him or exclude him.  It's been tough to deal

>> with

>> >> >> this

>> >> >> >> >> stuff

>> >> >> >> >> >> > lately. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >> >> > Roxanna

>> >> >> >> >> >> > Autism Happens

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Re: ( ) Re: I Do Not Have

>> >> >> >> Asperger's!!!

>> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> This is the hard part that he sees himself as

>> >> " defective "

>> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> see

>> >> >> >> >> >> him as

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> a extremely smart child that is different! The

>> >> >> developmental

>> >> >> >> >> doctor

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> also has concerns that he could be bi polar so at

>> >> times I

>> >> >> >> notice

>> >> >> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> he uses these words to describe himself more

>> >> frequently.

>> >> >> He

>> >> >> >> also

>> >> >> >> >> >> calls

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> himself unworthy, loser, pitiful! Like your son he

>> is

>> >> the

>> >> >> >> only

>> >> >> >> >> one

>> >> >> >> >> >> who

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> can call himself these things! Gets VERY angry if

>> his

>> >> >> sister

>> >> >> >> >> calls

>> >> >> >> >> >> him

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> a loser!!! We are on a " down " mood swing this week

>> and

>> >> >> it's

>> >> >> >> very

>> >> >> >> >> >> ugly

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> around here! can't do anything himself and

>> >> wants

>> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> be

>> >> >> >> >> told

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> everything to do step by step! Hard for me because

>> I've

>> >> >> got

>> >> >> >> 10

>> >> >> >> >> >> things

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> going on at once! I'm trying my hardest to get

>> >> organized

>> >> >> so

>> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> we as

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> a family can STAY organized in order to help

>> >> from

>> >> >> >> being

>> >> >> >> >> so

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> overwhelmed!!! has also spent a lot of time

>> >> crying

>> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> temper

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> tantruming and I think worst of all PICKING on his

>> >> >> youngest

>> >> >> >> >> >> sister!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> She's a screamer and he picks on her until she

>> screams

>> >> >> (VERY

>> >> >> >> >> >> LOUDLY)

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> and then complains that she is screaming and hurting

>> >> his

>> >> >> >> ears...

>> >> >> >> >> >> then

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> he goes back and does the same thing again!! Can you

>> >> tell

>> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> stressed??? LOL

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> This is the sad part of AS to me at least! The

>> >> feelings of

>> >> >> >> self

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> worthlessness!! is Proud that he is so smart

>> >> and

>> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> " he

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> knows more than any of the other kids in his class "

>> >> but he

>> >> >> >> gets

>> >> >> >> >> so

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> upset because he doesn't have friends, can't ride a

>> >> bike,

>> >> >> >> etc...

>> >> >> >> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> hoping that we the new therapy appts that we can get

>> >> his

>> >> >> life

>> >> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> our

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> family life on track and can help him to see that

>> He is

>> >> >> NOT

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> defective... just a very unique child with different

>> >> great

>> >> >> >> >> >> qualities

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> that others do not possess!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 11, 2007, at 11:14 AM, Sandy wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > ...but he calls it defective!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > my ds, calls himself a loser!...he's also 10.5

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > I get so upset when he does that. I can't handle

>> it.

>> >> he

>> >> >> >> says

>> >> >> >> >> he

>> >> >> >> >> >> is a

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > loser but gets mad if his brother calls him one.

>> My

>> >> ds

>> >> >> even

>> >> >> >> >> >> blames

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> it

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > on his own glasses for the reason he " can't do

>> >> anything

>> >> >> >> right "

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

[Guest guest]

I have the "Freaks....." book ordered from Amazon. Can't wait. I also ordered "It's so hard to be your friend" and a bunch of other ones. I wonder when I'll get to read them......hee hee. Robin <hunebear3@...> wrote: thinks he's an expert too! JUST because he rode his bike for a few yards... NOW! He does that with everything though... no matter what it is he tries! He's an awful singer... can't carry a tune at all, but thinks he's the greatest singer he has ever known.. LOLI didn't like those parts of the book either at first.. but needs to be told like that in order for him to understand that you just don't do certain things. is a big question person and usually he asks questions that don't pertain to

the subject. When go on vacation and we tour historical sites and we are in old houses or such... he has to be quiet or have his questions PRE approved before he asks the tour guide! I know it sounds awful but if We don't do it this way he would be talking about Florida when we are in VA!!I do tell him not to pretend to be something that he isn't and that there will be someone out there that likes him just the way he is! It's sad though we he says No one does right now!! He lives for the moment ya know?I'm reading Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers now because I saw that it was mentioned here in the group. I want to pre read to make sure that it's appropriate for . The kids at school call him nerd and geek all the time so I thought it might have some revelent information for ! I haven't gotten far in the book because I'm backed up on orders (I make hair bows and other handmade items) since I came back

from vacation.JackieOn Jul 15, 2007, at 8:51 AM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:> That's great about him riding his bike!! There's no stopping him > now!!!> Ian always thinks that if he's done something once or has 'tried' it, > that he's an expert....ha ha.> He just read "Aspergers, Huh?", also. I liked it too,,,,,,but there > were a few parts I didn't like. Like, when it would tell him that he > shouldn't "be the way he is"......to fit in.> I mean,,,,I agree. But,,,,,,,,,,I would have him rather hear that you > should just BE who you are. Eventually, someone will be ok with you, > like you are.> Oh well.> I did like, though, how it basically told it like it is........."If > you don't want people to think you're a bit odd,,,,,,,don't do > it...."......just seemed kind of harsh...> Heehee.> Have a good

one!!> Robin>> wrote:>> I'm sure that will have more questions as time goes by, but he>> did seem relieved and a bit anxious today. I had him read a book>> called "asbergers HUH"! Very good book to introduce AS to a older>> child. It was funny because he read it and started complaining that>> the boy in the book sure did like the weather! I laughed and said...>> that's just like you with your video games and it was Space when you>> were little!! He looked at me like I was crazy for a minute and then>> said Ok!>>>> I made a huge deal about AS being the REASON for some things but not >> an>> EXCUSE! So hopefully that will help so it won't just say "I have AS so>> I can't do that"...>>>> Another BIGGIE for us... TODAY rode his bike for the

FIRST>> time!! I was so happy... it was like seeing him take his first steps.>> Now he can only go straight and only balance for a bit... but he rode>> from our driveway to the neighbors before he lost his balance! HE was>> so proud!! So I made a big deal out of how He can do anything when he>> sets his mind to it!!>>>> It's been a big day for us! Still need to take that breath! LOL>>>> Jackie>> On Jul 14, 2007, at 10:03 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:>>>> > That's awesome that he took it so well.>> > Ahhh.......now you can breathe.>> > Hee he.>> > Robin>> >>> > wrote:>> >> I got the email. is at his grandparents house until >> Monday..>> >> so let Tommy know that will not reply until Monday >>

afternoon.>> >> is extremely excited to be getting emails from other >> children.>> >>>> >> I finally broke down and told him what his DX was... He seemed very>> >> relived!! LOL>> >>>> >> Jackie>> >> On Jul 14, 2007, at 7:44 PM, Rose wrote:>> >>>> >> > Hello, If I did this right, I (Mom) sent your son an e-mail. If >> I>> >> got>> >> > the address right. Tommy will write him back. (he needs help >> with>> >> the>> >> > typing/spelling, and will take a long time). If you didn't get >> an>> >> > e-mail. There was a problem with the e-mail address.>> >> > in the subject box: I typed pen-pal to matthew. >> >>

>>> >> >>> >> > wrote:>> >> >> My son said the same thing... Can I go visit?? I'm excited for >> the>> >> two>> >> >> of them as well because they will work on some other skills >> besides>> >> >> friendship! Yeah I wish I was closer to a lot of the people of >> this>> >> >> group! There are so many nice moms and wonderful (just like my>> >> child)>> >> >> children!>> >> >>>> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> On Jul 13, 2007, at 12:07 PM, Rose wrote:>> >> >>>> >> >> > great... I'll have him start Saturday after his social skills>> >> >> > program. He's excited as well. He wanted to go to your house>>

>> >> > to visit with him. LOL. to bad we aren't closer.>> >> >> >>> >> >> > wrote:No, I'm fine with real>> >> >> > names! For now... just use my regular email>> >> >> >> address for too! I'll set up a folder on my computer for>> >> so>> >> >> >> that he can see when he has "pen pal" email! It's going to >> be so>> >> >> >> excited.>> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> Thanks Rose!!>> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 7:43 PM, Rose wrote:>> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> > Great. my son is 10. If would like to e-mail

>> him. >> >> He>> >> >> can>> >> >> >> > use my address, and in the subject space: put 'pen-pal' >> and>> >> we>> >> >> will>> >> >> >> > know its for him. Would you like to use nick names?>> >> >> >> > As soon as my son gets out of the shower, I'll let him >> know he>> >> >> has a>> >> >> >> > pen-pal. LOL >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> > wrote:>> >> >> >> >> I just asked him and he's dancing around singing YES YES>> >> YES!!>> >> >> So>> >> >> >> I'm>> >> >> >> >> guessing that he would love

to have an email pen pal!! His>> >> name>> >> >> is>> >> >> >> >> and he will be 11 years old in December. I'll set >> him>> >> >> up an>> >> >> >> >> email account tonight!!!>> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> I don't think there is anyone on this group that is close>> >> by...>> >> >> >> but we>> >> >> >> >> shall see! But for now the email thing would be perfect!>> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 5:56 PM, Rose wrote:>> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> > If no one is close by, (I'm in

N.Y.). Maybe others (on>> >> this>> >> >> >> >> > site) with children the same age as your son can e-mail>> >> you>> >> >> off>> >> >> >> >> line>> >> >> >> >> > with their e-mail address and he can have a 'pen pal'. >> or>> >> >> maybe>> >> >> >> >> write>> >> >> >> >> > letters, or talk on the phone. they can be "HIS">> >> >> friend. Maybe>> >> >> >> he>> >> >> >> >> can>> >> >> >> >> > even have his own e-mail address. Would that interest>> >> him?>> >> >> >> >> > >>

>> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> > wrote:>> >> >> >> >> >> Rose,>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> These are all great suggestions! is only >> involved>> >> in>> >> >> >> Karate>> >> >> >> >> >> right now. His only other interest is Video games. He >> will>> >> >> not>> >> >> >> >> >> participate in any group sports as he HATES sports! I >> am>> >> >> trying>> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> >> >>

locate a local support group that is more geared toward>> >> AS.>> >> >> >> There>> >> >> >> >> is a>> >> >> >> >> >> Special needs group that meets approx 30 minutes from >> my>> >> >> house>> >> >> >> but>> >> >> >> >> I>> >> >> >> >> >> think that is more of a "mom" support meeting even >> though>> >> >> >> children>> >> >> >> >> are>> >> >> >> >> >> welcomed. I just finished a Sleep Study at the Local>> >> >> Children's>> >> >> >> >> >> hospital and I had some great Mom's in my group and >> lucky>> >> >> for

us>> >> >> >> >> all>> >> >> >> >> >> we>> >> >> >> >> >> have children that are all about the same age. So we >> are>> >> >> >> planning>> >> >> >> >> on>> >> >> >> >> >> forming our own little group as soon as vacation >> season is>> >> >> over.>> >> >> >> >> I'm>> >> >> >> >> >> looking forward to that because the other mom's have>> >> children>> >> >> >> that>> >> >> >> >> are>> >> >> >> >> >> Dx with AS too!>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >>

does not understand the concept of what a >> friend>> >> is>> >> >> >> >> either. He>> >> >> >> >> >> thinks when someone asks to "borrow" (which means keep >> in>> >> the>> >> >> >> other>> >> >> >> >> >> children's eyes) that they are his "friend". If they >> want>> >> to>> >> >> >> play>> >> >> >> >> with>> >> >> >> >> >> him ONE day out of 7 then they are his friend. >> Basically>> >> >> anyone>> >> >> >> >> that>> >> >> >> >> >> his "nice" to him on a one time basis is his friend! We>> >> talk>> >> >>

>> about>> >> >> >> >> >> what a friend is frequently and I try to help when the>> >> boys>> >> >> are>> >> >> >> >> over,>> >> >> >> >> >> but like I said I can not trust him going to the >> other's>> >> >> boy's>> >> >> >> >> house>> >> >> >> >> >> as>> >> >> >> >> >> they are unsupervised. These boys are all about 10 >> years>> >> old>> >> >> and>> >> >> >> >> they>> >> >> >> >> >> come knocking on our door as late as 8:30 pm!! I'm >> sorry>> >> if I>> >> >> >> sound>> >> >>

>> >> >> like a overprotective mother but my kids are usually in>> >> bed>> >> >> at>> >> >> >> this>> >> >> >> >> >> time... especially if it's a school night!!>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> will do just about anything that someone tells>> >> him to>> >> >> >> do or>> >> >> >> >> >> dares whatever it is! So that's another reason I don't>> >> feel>> >> >> safe>> >> >> >> >> >> allowing him to go to far from home. There is one boy>> >> that he>> >> >> >> plays>> >> >> >> >> >> with that spends the night here that is very

tolerate >> of>> >> >> >> .>> >> >> >> >> He's>> >> >> >> >> >> attuned into 's problems even though he doesn't>> >> know>> >> >> >> whats>> >> >> >> >> >> wrong>> >> >> >> >> >> with him. Walter-- the friend has asked me several >> times>> >> why>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> cries so easily and why he gets so mad... but he will>> >> usually>> >> >> >> try>> >> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> >> >> calm down or talk him through it. He also tells>> >> the>> >> >>

>> other>> >> >> >> >> boys>> >> >> >> >> >> to stop making fun of him! BUT... he(walter) likes to >> play>> >> >> with>> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> other boys too and this ticks off because he>> >> thinks>> >> >> he>> >> >> >> >> should>> >> >> >> >> >> be the ONLY friend!! What a hard life to live!!!>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> Maybe there's someone on this group that lives >> closeby...>> >> I>> >> >> >> live in>> >> >> >> >> >> Gallatin, TN!!! Want to hook up for a Play date?????? >>

LOL>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 11:08 AM, Rose wrote:>> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> > Hi Jackie,>> >> >> >> >> >> > The same problem here. there are a click (handful) >> of>> >> >> >> children>> >> >> >> >> that>> >> >> >> >> >> > are unsupervised under 12 and free to do what they >> want>> >> >> >> including>> >> >> >> >> >> > staying out till late hours. The ones that are>> >> supervised>> >> >> >> only>> >>

>> >> >> have>> >> >> >> >> >> > scheduled playdates, have to stay in site of their>> >> parents.>> >> >> >> (like>> >> >> >> >> >> > mine).>> >> >> >> >> >> > and of course when the unsupervised boys are >> separated. >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> one>> >> >> >> >> >> > that's left home with nothing to do would come over >> to>> >> play>> >> >> >> with>> >> >> >> >> my>> >> >> >> >> >> > son. great, He has a friend??? problem is, he asked>> >> if he>> >> >> >> could>> >> >>

>> >> >> have>> >> >> >> >> >> > everything my son has. He just got a fishing pole >> still>> >> >> with>> >> >> >> >> tags. >> >> >> >> >> >> > and the kid wanted it. I explained to my son what a>> >> >> 'friend'>> >> >> >> >> is. >> >> >> >> >> >> > also asked if he thought these boys fit that>> >> description of>> >> >> >> >> >> 'friend'. >> >> >> >> >> >> > so, he played by himself for a while. He joined a >> boys>> >> & >> >> >> >> >> girls club>> >> >> >> >> >>

> and gets to play with other children there. He also>> >> >> wants a>> >> >> >> >> 'best>> >> >> >> >> >> > friend' so bad. but right now, I'd rather him wait >> and>> >> >> play>> >> >> >> at>> >> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> > boys club, than get into trouble or hurt >> feelings with>> >> >> those>> >> >> >> >> >> > unsupervised boys. I could easily see him doing>> >> something>> >> >> >> >> dangerous>> >> >> >> >> >> > just because he says he is strong or nothing bad can>> >> >> happen.>> >>

>> >> >> >> (because>> >> >> >> >> >> > he doesn't understand the concept of danger). >> >> >> >> >> >> > I think sometimes our children need some adult help >> when>> >> >> >> >> choosing a>> >> >> >> >> >> > friend. a little explaining that names "do hurt" >> and a>> >> >> >> 'friend'>> >> >> >> >> >> won't>> >> >> >> >> >> > call you names. Is your son involved in boyscouts?>> >> >> >> baseball?>> >> >> >> >> >> maybe>> >> >> >> >> >> > you can call one of those boys over for a playdate >>

and>> >> if>> >> >> your>> >> >> >> >> son>> >> >> >> >> >> is>> >> >> >> >> >> > into fishing, movies, riding bikes. Maybe you can>> >> arrange>> >> >> for>> >> >> >> >> them>> >> >> >> >> >> > both to do that together with you supervising until a>> >> >> >> friendship>> >> >> >> >> >> > develops. Just a thought. I wish I had more ideas >> for>> >> >> you. >> >> >> >> >> When>> >> >> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> > boys call your son stupid. Have him say:

takes on >> to>> >> know>> >> >> >> one>> >> >> >> >> -and>> >> >> >> >> >> > walk away. maybe not those exact words, but >> something>> >> to>> >> >> say>> >> >> >> >> >> back so>> >> >> >> >> >> > your son wont feel so hurt. Sorry he has to be >> around>> >> >> those>> >> >> >> >> mean>> >> >> >> >> >> > children. Do you have an aspergers support group >> near>> >> >> >> you? If>> >> >> >> >> >> they>> >> >> >> >> >> > have children

your sons age, mayby you can all meet >> at a>> >> >> park>> >> >> >> and>> >> >> >> >> >> see>> >> >> >> >> >> > who he gets along with???. *smile*>> >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> > wrote:>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Kids are all so mean!! Sometimes I can completely>> >> >> understand>> >> >> >> why>> >> >> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> >> kids don't want to play with my DS... but then >> again he>> >> >> is my>> >> >> >> >> >> child!!>> >>

>> >> >> >> >> The neighborhood kids either are my son's best >> friend-->> >> >> when>> >> >> >> >> they>> >> >> >> >> >> want>> >> >> >> >> >> >> something or there's no one else to play or they >> hurl>> >> >> insults>> >> >> >> >> over>> >> >> >> >> >> our>> >> >> >> >> >> >> fence at my son. The worst insult to my son is>> >> "stupid"!>> >> >> He>> >> >> >> can>> >> >> >> >> >> >> handle them calling him a sissy or "Homo" much >> better>> >> than>> >> >> >> being>>

>> >> >> >> >> >> called>> >> >> >> >> >> >> stupid! But then again after they call him stupid >> he's>> >> >> real>> >> >> >> >> quick>> >> >> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> >> >> >> point out all the reason WHY he can't be stupid!! >> Which>> >> >> then>> >> >> >> >> makes>> >> >> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> >> boys all laugh and tell him to go in the house! All >> of>> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> >> neighborhood kids... which all happen to be boys >> play>> >> >> mostly>> >> >>

>> >> with>> >> >> >> >> >> my>> >> >> >> >> >> >> DD... which is sad! She is the one who rides bikes >> with>> >> >> them,>> >> >> >> >> >> tosses>> >> >> >> >> >> >> the football... you know typical boy things. >> is>> >> >> now>> >> >> >> >> >> beginning>> >> >> >> >> >> >> to notice this more! One of the boys was in the >> house>> >> >> >> yesterday>> >> >> >> >> and>> >> >> >> >> >> >> came to me and said "it happened again" and >> I>> >> said>> >> >> >>

>> what...>> >> >> >> >> >> and>> >> >> >> >> >> >> then told me my friend is playing with ... she>> >> took>> >> >> him>> >> >> >> >> away!>> >> >> >> >> >> So>> >> >> >> >> >> >> I made the girls and boys separate. That worked for >> a>> >> >> while!>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> The friend thing is just getting worse and worse and>> >> >> causing>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> not to even want to go out in the yard to play. Plus>> >> some>>

>> >> of>> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> >> children in the neighborhood are the kinds of kids>> >> that I>> >> >> >> don't>> >> >> >> >> >> want>> >> >> >> >> >> >> my>> >> >> >> >> >> >> children playing with out of my sight... if you know>> >> what>> >> >> I>> >> >> >> >> mean!>> >> >> >> >> >> They>> >> >> >> >> >> >> have NO parent supervision and are allowed to do >> pretty>> >> >> much>> >> >> >> >> >> whatever>> >> >> >> >> >> >> they

want to do and that is NOT a good place for>> >> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> be>> >> >> >> >> >> >> especially. So sometimes I think they invite >> >> over>> >> >> >> >> because>> >> >> >> >> >> they>> >> >> >> >> >> >> know I won't let him go just to see him have a>> >> breakdown>> >> >> in>> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >> yard.>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Believe me and I talk about this frequently,>> >> but>> >> >> when>> >> >> >> >> the>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> moment comes... all of our talking is out the >> window!!!>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> This job of raising an AS child is Hard... just >> gotta>> >> >> figure>> >> >> >> out>> >> >> >> >> >> how>> >> >> >> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> >> >> >> lick it!! LOL>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 11, 2007, at 9:18 PM, Roxanna wrote:>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > The depression part has been a

problem here for my>> >> 10 yo>> >> >> >> ds. >> >> >> >> >> The>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > "friend" thing is so awful. I think it's the >> worst>> >> >> thing>> >> >> >> of>> >> >> >> >> >> all. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> The>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > kids in the neighborhood sometimes play with him >> but>> >> >> more>> >> >> >> >> often,>> >> >> >> >> >> >> they>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > tease him or exclude him. It's been tough to deal>> >> with>> >> >>

>> this>> >> >> >> >> >> stuff>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > lately. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Roxanna>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Autism Happens>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Re: ( ) Re: I Do Not Have>> >>

>> >> >> Asperger's!!!>> >> >> >> >> >> to>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> This is the hard part that he sees himself as>> >> >> "defective">> >> >> >> I>> >> >> >> >> see>> >> >> >> >> >> >> him as>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> a extremely smart child that is different! The>> >> >> >> developmental>> >> >> >> >> >> doctor>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> also has

concerns that he could be bi polar so at>> >> >> times I>> >> >> >> >> notice>> >> >> >> >> >> >> that>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> he uses these words to describe himself more>> >> >> frequently.>> >> >> >> He>> >> >> >> >> also>> >> >> >> >> >> >> calls>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> himself unworthy, loser, pitiful! Like your son === message truncated ===

The fish are biting.

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[Guest guest]

I checked my books out at the Family Resource center at the hospital.

I'll have to see what other books they have in the children's section

so that we can have a family reading night so that we can all discuss

" issues " !

Tell me about time.. I don't have much of that at all here lately! I

am trying to read a Civil War Overview right now and I keep falling

asleep! The book is interesting; it;s just that by the time that I

actually sit down to read, I'm worn out!

Jackie

On Jul 15, 2007, at 6:19 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:

> I have the " Freaks..... " book ordered from Amazon.

> Can't wait.  I also ordered " It's so hard to be your friend " and a

> bunch of other ones.

> I wonder when I'll get to read them......hee hee.

> Robin

>

> <hunebear3@...> wrote:

>> thinks he's an expert too! JUST because he rode his bike for a

>> few yards... NOW! He does that with everything though... no matter

>> what it is he tries! He's an awful singer... can't carry a tune at

>> all, but thinks he's the greatest singer he has ever known..

>> LOL

>>

>> I didn't like those parts of the book either at first.. but

>> needs to be told like that in order for him to understand that you

>> just

>> don't do certain things. is a big question person and usually

>> he asks questions that don't pertain to the subject. When go on

>> vacation and we tour historical sites and we are in old houses or

>> such... he has to be quiet or have his questions PRE approved before

>> he

>> asks the tour guide! I know it sounds awful but if We don't do it this

>> way he would be talking about Florida when we are in VA!!

>>

>> I do tell him not to pretend to be something that he isn't and that

>> there will be someone out there that likes him just the way he is!

>> It's sad though we he says No one does right now!! He lives for the

>> moment ya know?

>>

>> I'm reading Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers now because I saw that it was

>> mentioned here in the group. I want to pre read to make sure that it's

>> appropriate for . The kids at school call him nerd and geek all

>> the time so I thought it might have some revelent information for

>> ! I haven't gotten far in the book because I'm backed up on

>> orders (I make hair bows and other handmade items) since I came back

>> from vacation.

>>

>> Jackie

>> On Jul 15, 2007, at 8:51 AM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:

>>

>> > That's great about him riding his bike!!  There's no stopping him

>> > now!!!

>> > Ian always thinks that if he's done something once or has 'tried'

>> it,

>> > that he's an expert....ha ha.

>> > He just read " Aspergers, Huh? " , also.  I liked it too,,,,,,but there

>> > were a few parts I didn't like.  Like, when it would tell him that

>> he

>> > shouldn't " be the way he is " ......to fit in.

>> > I mean,,,,I agree.  But,,,,,,,,,,I would have him rather hear that

>> you

>> > should just BE who you are.  Eventually, someone will be ok with

>> you,

>> > like you are.

>> > Oh well.

>> > I did like, though, how it basically told it like it is......... " If

>> > you don't want people to think you're a  bit odd,,,,,,,don't do

>> > it.... " ......just seemed kind of harsh...

>> > Heehee.

>> > Have a good one!!

>> > Robin

>> >

>> > wrote:

>> >> I'm sure that will have more questions as time goes by,

>> but he

>> >> did seem relieved and a bit anxious today. I had him read a book

>> >> called " asbergers HUH " ! Very good book to introduce AS to a older

>> >> child. It was funny because he read it and started complaining that

>> >> the boy in the book sure did like the weather! I laughed and

>> said...

>> >> that's just like you with your video games and it was Space when

>> you

>> >> were little!! He looked at me like I was crazy for a minute and

>> then

>> >> said Ok!

>> >>

>> >> I made a huge deal about AS being the REASON for some things but

>> not

>> >> an

>> >> EXCUSE! So hopefully that will help so it won't just say " I have

>> AS so

>> >> I can't do that " ...

>> >>

>> >> Another BIGGIE for us... TODAY rode his bike for the FIRST

>> >> time!! I was so happy... it was like seeing him take his first

>> steps.

>> >> Now he can only go straight and only balance for a bit... but he

>> rode

>> >> from our driveway to the neighbors before he lost his balance! HE

>> was

>> >> so proud!! So I made a big deal out of how He can do anything when

>> he

>> >> sets his mind to it!!

>> >>

>> >> It's been a big day for us! Still need to take that breath! LOL

>> >>

>> >> Jackie

>> >> On Jul 14, 2007, at 10:03 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:

>> >>

>> >> > That's awesome that he took it so well.

>> >> > Ahhh.......now you can breathe.

>> >> > Hee he.

>> >> > Robin

>> >> >

>> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> I got the email. is at his grandparents house until

>> >> Monday..

>> >> >> so let Tommy know that will not reply until Monday

>> >> afternoon.

>> >> >> is extremely excited to be getting emails from other

>> >> children.

>> >> >>

>> >> >> I finally broke down and told him what his DX was... He seemed

>> very

>> >> >> relived!! LOL

>> >> >>

>> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> On Jul 14, 2007, at 7:44 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >>

>> >> >> > Hello, If I did this right, I (Mom) sent your son an e-mail. 

>> If

>> >> I

>> >> >> got

>> >> >> > the address right.  Tommy will write him back. (he needs help

>> >> with

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> > typing/spelling, and will take a long time).   If you didn't

>> get

>> >> an

>> >> >> > e-mail.  There was a problem with the e-mail address.

>> >> >> > in the subject box:  I typed pen-pal  to matthew. 

>> >> >> >

>> >> >> >

>> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> My son said the same thing... Can I go visit?? I'm excited

>> for

>> >> the

>> >> >> two

>> >> >> >> of them as well because they will work on some other skills

>> >> besides

>> >> >> >> friendship! Yeah I wish I was closer to a lot of the people

>> of

>> >> this

>> >> >> >> group! There are so many nice moms and wonderful (just like

>> my

>> >> >> child)

>> >> >> >> children!

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> On Jul 13, 2007, at 12:07 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> > great... I'll have him start Saturday after his social

>> skills

>> >> >> >> > program.  He's excited as well.  He wanted to go to your

>> house

>> >> >> >> > to visit with him.  LOL.  to bad we aren't closer.

>> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> > wrote:No, I'm fine with real

>> >> >> >> > names! For now... just use my regular email

>> >> >> >> >> address for too! I'll set up a folder on my computer for

>> >> >> so

>> >> >> >> >> that he can see when he has " pen pal " email! It's going to

>> >> be so

>> >> >> >> >> excited.

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> Thanks Rose!!

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 7:43 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> > Great.  my son is 10.  If would like to e-mail

>> >> him. 

>> >> >> He

>> >> >> >> can

>> >> >> >> >> > use my address, and in the subject space:  put 'pen-pal'

>> >> and

>> >> >> we

>> >> >> >> will

>> >> >> >> >> > know its for him.  Would you like to use nick names?

>> >> >> >> >> > As soon as my son gets out of the shower, I'll let him

>> >> know he

>> >> >> >> has a

>> >> >> >> >> > pen-pal.  LOL 

>> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> I just asked him and he's dancing around singing YES

>> YES

>> >> >> YES!!

>> >> >> >> So

>> >> >> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> >> >> guessing that he would love to have an email pen pal!!

>> His

>> >> >> name

>> >> >> >> is

>> >> >> >> >> >> and he will be 11 years old in December. I'll

>> set

>> >> him

>> >> >> >> up an

>> >> >> >> >> >> email account tonight!!!

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> I don't think there is anyone on this group that is

>> close

>> >> >> by...

>> >> >> >> >> but we

>> >> >> >> >> >> shall see! But for now the email thing would be

>> perfect!

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 5:56 PM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> > If no one is close by, (I'm in N.Y.).  Maybe

>> others (on

>> >> >> this

>> >> >> >> >> >> > site) with children the same age as your son  can

>> e-mail

>> >> >> you

>> >> >> >> off

>> >> >> >> >> >> line

>> >> >> >> >> >> > with their e-mail address and he can have a 'pen

>> pal'. 

>> >> or

>> >> >> >> maybe

>> >> >> >> >> >> write

>> >> >> >> >> >> > letters, or talk on the phone.  they can be " HIS "

>> >> >> >> friend. Maybe

>> >> >> >> >> he

>> >> >> >> >> >> can

>> >> >> >> >> >> > even have his own e-mail address.   Would that

>> interest

>> >> >> him?

>> >> >> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Rose,

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> These are all great suggestions! is only

>> >> involved

>> >> >> in

>> >> >> >> >> Karate

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> right now. His only other interest is Video games.

>> He

>> >> will

>> >> >> >> not

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> participate in any group sports as he HATES sports!

>> I

>> >> am

>> >> >> >> trying

>> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> locate a local support group that is more geared

>> toward

>> >> >> AS.

>> >> >> >> >> There

>> >> >> >> >> >> is a

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Special needs group that meets approx 30 minutes

>> from

>> >> my

>> >> >> >> house

>> >> >> >> >> but

>> >> >> >> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> think that is more of a " mom " support meeting even

>> >> though

>> >> >> >> >> children

>> >> >> >> >> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> welcomed. I just finished a Sleep Study at the Local

>> >> >> >> Children's

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> hospital and I had some great Mom's in my group and

>> >> lucky

>> >> >> >> for us

>> >> >> >> >> >> all

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> we

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> have children that are all about the same age. So we

>> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> planning

>> >> >> >> >> >> on

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> forming our own little group as soon as vacation

>> >> season is

>> >> >> >> over.

>> >> >> >> >> >> I'm

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> looking forward to that because the other mom's have

>> >> >> children

>> >> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Dx with AS too!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> does not understand the concept of what a

>> >> friend

>> >> >> is

>> >> >> >> >> >> either. He

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> thinks when someone asks to " borrow " (which means

>> keep

>> >> in

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> other

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> children's eyes) that they are his " friend " . If they

>> >> want

>> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> play

>> >> >> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> him ONE day out of 7 then they are his friend.

>> >> Basically

>> >> >> >> anyone

>> >> >> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> his " nice " to him on a one time basis is his

>> friend! We

>> >> >> talk

>> >> >> >> >> about

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> what a friend is frequently and I try to help when

>> the

>> >> >> boys

>> >> >> >> are

>> >> >> >> >> >> over,

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> but like I said I can not trust him going to the

>> >> other's

>> >> >> >> boy's

>> >> >> >> >> >> house

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> as

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> they are unsupervised. These boys are all about 10

>> >> years

>> >> >> old

>> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> come knocking on our door as late as 8:30 pm!! I'm

>> >> sorry

>> >> >> if I

>> >> >> >> >> sound

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> like a overprotective mother but my kids are

>> usually in

>> >> >> bed

>> >> >> >> at

>> >> >> >> >> this

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> time... especially if it's a school night!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> will do just about anything that someone

>> tells

>> >> >> him to

>> >> >> >> >> do or

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> dares whatever it is! So that's another reason I

>> don't

>> >> >> feel

>> >> >> >> safe

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> allowing him to go to far from home. There is one

>> boy

>> >> >> that he

>> >> >> >> >> plays

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> with that spends the night here that is very

>> tolerate

>> >> of

>> >> >> >> >> .

>> >> >> >> >> >> He's

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> attuned into 's problems even though he

>> doesn't

>> >> >> know

>> >> >> >> >> whats

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> wrong

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> with him. Walter-- the friend has asked me several

>> >> times

>> >> >> why

>> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> cries so easily and why he gets so mad... but he

>> will

>> >> >> usually

>> >> >> >> >> try

>> >> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> calm down or talk him through it. He also

>> tells

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> other

>> >> >> >> >> >> boys

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> to stop making fun of him! BUT... he(walter) likes

>> to

>> >> play

>> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> other boys too and this ticks off because he

>> >> >> thinks

>> >> >> >> he

>> >> >> >> >> >> should

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> be the ONLY friend!! What a hard life to live!!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Maybe there's someone on this group that lives

>> >> closeby...

>> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> >> live in

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Gallatin, TN!!! Want to hook up for a Play

>> date??????

>> >> LOL

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 12, 2007, at 11:08 AM, Rose wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Hi Jackie,

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > The same problem here.  there are a click

>> (handful)

>> >> of

>> >> >> >> >> children

>> >> >> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > are unsupervised under 12 and free to do what they

>> >> want

>> >> >> >> >> including

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > staying out till late hours.  The ones that are

>> >> >> supervised

>> >> >> >> >> only

>> >> >> >> >> >> have

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > scheduled playdates, have to stay in site of their

>> >> >> parents.

>> >> >> >> >> (like

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > mine).

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > and of course when the unsupervised boys are

>> >> separated. 

>> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> one

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > that's left home with nothing to do would come

>> over

>> >> to

>> >> >> play

>> >> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > son.  great, He has a friend???  problem is, he

>> asked

>> >> >> if he

>> >> >> >> >> could

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> have

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > everything my son has.  He just got a fishing pole

>> >> still

>> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> >> tags. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > and the kid wanted it.  I explained to my

>> son what a

>> >> >> >> 'friend'

>> >> >> >> >> >> is. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > also asked if he thought these boys fit that

>> >> >> description of

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> 'friend'. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > so, he played by himself for a while.  He joined a

>> >> boys

>> >> >> &

>> >> >> >> >> >> girls club

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > and gets to play with other children there.   He

>> also

>> >> >> >> wants a

>> >> >> >> >> >> 'best

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > friend' so bad.  but right now, I'd rather him

>> wait

>> >> and

>> >> >> >> play

>> >> >> >> >> at

>> >> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > boys club, than get into trouble or hurt

>> >> feelings with

>> >> >> >> those

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > unsupervised boys.  I could easily see him doing

>> >> >> something

>> >> >> >> >> >> dangerous

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > just because he says he is strong or nothing bad

>> can

>> >> >> >> happen.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> (because

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > he doesn't understand the concept of danger).  

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > I think sometimes our children need some adult

>> help

>> >> when

>> >> >> >> >> >> choosing a

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > friend.  a little explaining that names " do hurt "

>> >> and a

>> >> >> >> >> 'friend'

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> won't

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > call you names.    Is your son involved in

>> boyscouts?

>> >> >> >> >> baseball?

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> maybe

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > you can call one of those boys over for a playdate

>> >> and

>> >> >> if

>> >> >> >> your

>> >> >> >> >> >> son

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> is

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > into fishing, movies, riding bikes.  Maybe you can

>> >> >> arrange

>> >> >> >> for

>> >> >> >> >> >> them

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > both to do that together with you supervising

>> until a

>> >> >> >> >> friendship

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > develops.  Just a thought.  I wish I had more

>> ideas

>> >> for

>> >> >> >> you. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> When

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > boys call your son stupid.  Have him say:  takes

>> on

>> >> to

>> >> >> know

>> >> >> >> >> one

>> >> >> >> >> >> -and

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > walk away.  maybe not those exact words, but

>> >> something

>> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> say

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> back so

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > your son wont feel so hurt.   Sorry he has to be

>> >> around

>> >> >> >> those

>> >> >> >> >> >> mean

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > children.   Do you have an aspergers support group

>> >> near

>> >> >> >> >> you?  If

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > have children your sons age, mayby you can all

>> meet

>> >> at a

>> >> >> >> park

>> >> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> see

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > who he gets along with???.   *smile*

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Kids are all so mean!! Sometimes I can completely

>> >> >> >> understand

>> >> >> >> >> why

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> kids don't want to play with my DS... but then

>> >> again he

>> >> >> >> is my

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> child!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> The neighborhood kids either are my son's best

>> >> friend--

>> >> >> >> when

>> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> want

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> something or there's no one else to play or they

>> >> hurl

>> >> >> >> insults

>> >> >> >> >> >> over

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> our

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> fence at my son. The worst insult to my son is

>> >> >> " stupid " !

>> >> >> >> He

>> >> >> >> >> can

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> handle them calling him a sissy or " Homo " much

>> >> better

>> >> >> than

>> >> >> >> >> being

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> called

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> stupid! But then again after they call him stupid

>> >> he's

>> >> >> >> real

>> >> >> >> >> >> quick

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> point out all the reason WHY he can't be stupid!!

>> >> Which

>> >> >> >> then

>> >> >> >> >> >> makes

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> boys all laugh and tell him to go in the house!

>> All

>> >> of

>> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> neighborhood kids... which all happen to be boys

>> >> play

>> >> >> >> mostly

>> >> >> >> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> DD... which is sad! She is the one who rides

>> bikes

>> >> with

>> >> >> >> them,

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> tosses

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> the football... you know typical boy things.

>> >> is

>> >> >> >> now

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> beginning

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> to notice this more! One of the boys was in the

>> >> house

>> >> >> >> >> yesterday

>> >> >> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> came to me and said " it happened again "

>> and

>> >> I

>> >> >> said

>> >> >> >> >> >> what...

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> and

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> then told me my friend is playing with ...

>> she

>> >> >> took

>> >> >> >> him

>> >> >> >> >> >> away!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> So

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> I made the girls and boys separate. That worked

>> for

>> >> a

>> >> >> >> while!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> The friend thing is just getting worse and worse

>> and

>> >> >> >> causing

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> not to even want to go out in the yard to play.

>> Plus

>> >> >> some

>> >> >> >> of

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> children in the neighborhood are the kinds of

>> kids

>> >> >> that I

>> >> >> >> >> don't

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> want

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> my

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> children playing with out of my sight... if you

>> know

>> >> >> what

>> >> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> >> >> mean!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> They

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> have NO parent supervision and are allowed to do

>> >> pretty

>> >> >> >> much

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> whatever

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> they want to do and that is NOT a good place for

>> >> >>

>> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> be

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> especially. So sometimes I think they invite

>>

>> >> >> over

>> >> >> >> >> >> because

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> know I won't let him go just to see him have a

>> >> >> breakdown

>> >> >> >> in

>> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> yard.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Believe me and I talk about this

>> frequently,

>> >> >> but

>> >> >> >> when

>> >> >> >> >> >> the

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> moment comes... all of our talking is out the

>> >> window!!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> This job of raising an AS child is Hard... just

>> >> gotta

>> >> >> >> figure

>> >> >> >> >> out

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> how

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> lick it!! LOL

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> On Jul 11, 2007, at 9:18 PM, Roxanna wrote:

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > The depression part has been a problem here

>> for my

>> >> >> 10 yo

>> >> >> >> >> ds. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> The

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > " friend " thing is so awful.  I think it's the

>> >> worst

>> >> >> >> thing

>> >> >> >> >> of

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> all. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> The

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > kids in the neighborhood sometimes play with

>> him

>> >> but

>> >> >> >> more

>> >> >> >> >> >> often,

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> they

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > tease him or exclude him.  It's been tough to

>> deal

>> >> >> with

>> >> >> >> >> this

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> stuff

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > lately. 

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >  

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Roxanna

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Autism Happens

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Re: ( ) Re: I Do Not

>> Have

>> >> >> >> >> >> Asperger's!!!

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> to

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Jackie

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> This is the hard part that he sees himself as

>> >> >> >> " defective "

>> >> >> >> >> I

>> >> >> >> >> >> see

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> him as

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> a extremely smart child that is different! The

>> >> >> >> >> developmental

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> doctor

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> also has concerns that he could be bi polar

>> so at

>> >> >> >> times I

>> >> >> >> >> >> notice

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> that

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> he uses these words to describe himself more

>> >> >> >> frequently.

>> >> >> >> >> He

>> >> >> >> >> >> also

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> calls

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> himself unworthy, loser, pitiful! Like your

>> son

>>

>> === message truncated ===

> The fish are biting.

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>

[Guest guest]

I don't really sort at all. I might understand that because my child has autism, something are harder for him. But if he is misbehaving, he needs to learn to behave. We will make allowances that do not depend on being "naughty" - like if he can't sit still in a movie or show, he can walk to the bathroom and get some wiggles out. But if he's naughty, he should stop being naughty even if he's autistic. It just might take more work to make that impression on him or to teach him the more appropriate behavior.

RoxannaAutism Happens

RE: ( ) Re: I Do Not Have Asperger's!!! to Jackie

The hard thing for me...with my daughter just newly diagnosed....is sorting out her not so good behavior. I am always looking at these situations now and thinking....okay, is this the mild Aspergers or is she just being naughty. Does this eventually become easier to sort out?Kirsten -----Original Message-----From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of and/or Robin LemkeSent: Wednesday, July 11, 2007 3:17 PM Subject: Re: ( ) Re: I Do Not Have Asperger's!!! to JackieWe've been very blunt with Ian about what issues he has ,and will have, because of Aspergers. He knows he's smart because of it. He knows that he's always going to have to work at being social. He wants friends and yet as the same time,,,,could care a less.When I catch him doing something "correctly",,,,,we chat about it and I know I go overboard with the praise,,,,,but I give it until I can't stop. When he does something very annoying.....like when he says things over and over and over and over or screams and shouts wierd things at the pool...........it's really embarrassing for him....or should I say, should be embarrassing for him......anyway,,,,,,,,then I chat with him about that..and why it's annoying. He really "gets it". Not that it won't happen again,,,,,,,,,but maybe with repetition, it will sink in.I've learned (and he is too - he's 11),,,,that social "appropriateness" is NEVER going to just "happen". He's only going to learn HOW to BE.....from LEARNING it. It will never come on its own.He knows that some day, he'll have to get a job...........again, this is going to have to be in a field where he'll probably be alone........cause that works for him.As far as fighting with sibs..........I think they all fight. It makes me insane, too........but this, I believe, is normal. At least I tell myself it is.Robin <hunebear3comcast (DOT) net> wrote:This is the hard part that he sees himself as "defective" I see him as a extremely smart child that is different! The developmental doctor also has concerns that he could be bi polar so at times I notice that he uses these words to describe himself more frequently. He also calls himself unworthy, loser, pitiful! Like your son he is the only one who can call himself these things! Gets VERY angry if his sister calls him a loser!!! We are on a "down" mood swing this week and it's very ugly around here! can't do anything himself and wants to be told everything to do step by step! Hard for me because I've got 10 things going on at once! I'm trying my hardest to get organized so that we as a family can STAY organized in order to help from being so overwhelmed!!! has also spent a lot of time crying and temper tantruming and I think worst of all PICKING on his youngest sister!! She's a screamer and he picks on her until she screams (VERY LOUDLY) and then complains that she is screaming and hurting his ears... then he goes back and does the same thing again!! Can you tell that I'm stressed??? LOLThis is the sad part of AS to me at least! The feelings of self worthlessness!! is Proud that he is so smart and that "he knows more than any of the other kids in his class" but he gets so upset because he doesn't have friends, can't ride a bike, etc... I'm hoping that we the new therapy appts that we can get his life and our family life on track and can help him to see that He is NOT defective... just a very unique child with different great qualities that others do not possess!!On Jul 11, 2007, at 11:14 AM, Sandy wrote:> ...but he calls it defective!> my ds, calls himself a loser!...he's also 10.5> I get so upset when he does that. I can't handle it. he says he is a> loser but gets mad if his brother calls him one. My ds even blames it> on his own glasses for the reason he "can't do anything right">>>>