Re: Dealing with deaths

October 11, 2006

Hi ,

I have not had the experience of trying to get my Aspie to sympathize with

another person.

I have been the mother of a child that died and had to deal with my Aspie in

that circumstance.

My Aspie got great comfort in that her sister was now in heaven. In fact, that

is the first words that came out of her mouth after we told her she died. You

can be the judge whether that is appropriate for your son to say something

about. (Is the family Judeo-Christian? Is your family Judeo-Christian? etc.)

One of the phases of grief is anger. Most of the time the anger is at the

person who died. Your son needs to know that his friend is not bad for getting

angry at his Dad and that it may not be o.k. for him agree that his friend's dad

was bad. That's tough.

Sometimes his anger may be directed at friends and family. That's even

tougher. It is a phase and it passes with time.

His friend is likely to not want to think about it. It is probably best for

your son to not bring it up. Kids especially just escape into play.

As for the first time your son sees his friend afterward. " I am sorry about

your loss. " Is all people usually want to hear. If you son has a fond memory of

his friend's father, that is something good to bring up.

Good Luck.

9732@... wrote:

Oh boy, I hope I word this right. Has anyone had experience in helping

their AS child deal with a death? My son is nearly 8, he knows what death is

because we live on a farm and with all the animals...he's been exposed to many

ceasing to exist.

Recently, my hubby's grandmother passed away. We weren't close to her, it

was somewhat expected that she would go soon and I don't think she even ever

met my son. So we didn't really get into anything with our son when she did

pass away. We just told him and that was that.

Now, last week, my son's best's friend's dad died from a motorcycle accident

just down our road. We did tell our son that if he had any questions to ask

us, not his best friend, since friend is very sad. His only question was

" what are they going to do with the bike? " . But since our son is at school and

on the bus with this boy, I really have no control of shielding the friend

from anything my son may say. Any suggestions on how to coach our son on how

to act or react with his friend? I don't want my son to alienate his friend

(he only has 2 good friends) by seeming callous with his questions or

comments at such a sensitive time. I know friend's mom from birthday parties and

Curves, but not well enough that she knows my son has AS...and even if she did,

I'm sure she's in no place emotionally herself to explain to her son why my

son may be saying some things that may come off as pretty rude or uncaring.

Thank you so much!!!

Miranda (13)

ny (11)

R.J. (7)

Beth (6)

Trying to control children by yelling is as utterly futile

as attempting to steer a car by honking the horn.

(http://www.winzy.com/f/erikac) (http://www.thefreelot.com/?a=becalhoun98)

October 12, 2006

Oh my goodness, . First my condolences on the loss of your daughter.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. So far, so good with my son

and his friend. We're sending a card as a family to their family. The

kiddos reported that " best friend " seems to be his regular self at school. )

Miranda (13)

ny (11)

R.J. (7)

Beth (6)

Trying to control children by yelling is as utterly futile

as attempting to steer a car by honking the horn.

(http://www.winzy.com/f/erikac) (http://www.thefreelot.com/?a=becalhoun98)

October 12, 2006

ka

our kids are different when it comes to death.

My husband passed away in march and my son knows that his dad is gone but he

doesn't dwell on it. Your son may not say anything at all to his friend. If he

does you may want to explain to his friends mom why your son made a comment and

hopefully she is a very understanding person.

lenore