Re: finding friends

[Guest guest]

,

Alot of that depends on your child, I think. What are her interests?

She might like to be involved in Girl Scouts, or 4-H if she likes

animals. There may be programs in your city that are set up for kids

with AS----check with your local mental health agencies, maybe. If

she enjoys reading, libraries usually have young adult book groups.

If she's active in church, there may be youth groups she can be

involved in.

Even if she doesn't go to school, she still may be able to be

involved in groups at the school. Call your school system and ask! I

know with my sons' elementary school, there are several kids who are

home-schooled and still participate in Scouts there as well as the

chess club.

And if she's home-schooled, there may be home-schooling groups who

get together for " play groups " .

Hope that helps

Nikki

>

> My 13 yr old daughter has asbergers.She has no friends,and

> she's sad about that.What activities do I put her in so she

> can socialize with kids her age?She does not go to school.

>

[Guest guest]

Can I ask why she doesn't go to school? Is she homeschooled? My 13 yr old

has maybe one friend so I understand the friend issue, he wants so many more

But unfortunately, social skills and appropriate friend making skills is a

deficiancy with Aspergers, (as the therapist explained to me). I wish it

wasn't that way. Kris tries so hard to make friends... Kinda sad....

Kerry

-- ( ) finding friends

..

[Guest guest]

Dear -

Something that worked really well for my son (who is now 22

years old) was Special Olympics. It was the very best thing that I

have done for him. His soxial skills grew by leaps and bounds.

hugs........judith (aka ladybug)

On 10/7/06, cindy <rcpjburton@...> wrote:

> My 13 yr old daughter has asbergers.She has no friends,and

> she's sad about that.What activities do I put her in so she

> can socialize with kids her age?She does not go to school.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you tried your local Autism Society?

_Search for providers and support - Autism Source by ASA_

(http://209.200.89.252/search_site/)

[Guest guest]

>

> Can I ask why she doesn't go to school? Is she homeschooled? My

13 yr old

> has maybe one friend so I understand the friend issue, he wants so

many more

> But unfortunately, social skills and appropriate friend making

skills is a

> deficiancy with Aspergers, (as the therapist explained to me). I

wish it

> wasn't that way. Kris tries so hard to make friends... Kinda

sad....

>

> Kerry

>

> -- ( ) finding friends

>

> .

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Can I ask why she doesn't go to school? Is she homeschooled? My

13 yr old

> has maybe one friend so I understand the friend issue, he wants so

many more

> But unfortunately, social skills and appropriate friend making

skills is a

> deficiancy with Aspergers, (as the therapist explained to me). I

wish it

> wasn't that way. Kris tries so hard to make friends... Kinda

sad....

>

> Kerry

>

> -- ( ) finding friends

>

> .

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > My 13 yr old daughter has asbergers.She has no friends,and

> > she's sad about that.What activities do I put her in so she

> > can socialize with kids her age?She does not go to school.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

,

I see that you live in California by your name. If you ask me

you are very fortunate to live in California, because some of the

best experts and groups are in your state. There is TACA,

Winner and Dr. Lovaas just to name a few. I don't know where

you are in California, but you need to start a massive search

through the internet. If necessary start with an autism family you

know, and let them get you started with a phone number. Go from

there and keep searching. Autism right now is not being addressed

very well nationally and probably in your local area. I however

believe if you live near a large city you can find a great deal of

support.

My son is 18 years old, Asperger, quiet and withdrawn with passions

of art, music, computers, big dictionary words and graphic arts

(computer and art combination ......LOL). We live in a suburb of

Dallas in Texas. Many Texas Autism families are now actively

fighting and advocating for their loved ones. In other words, we

are NOT ACCEEPTING THE STATUS QUO AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

My son loves to be alone, but I will not accept his lack of

socializing with others. I take him to social skill groups, autism

meetings and now college HFA/AS young adults meetings. YOU MUST

TAKE AN ACTIVE APPROACH, BECAUSE ASPERGER AND SOCIAL COGNITIVE

WEAKNESSES WILL NOT CHANGE WITHOUT INTERVENTION.

You can't allow your daughter to stay isolated. You will need to

intervene. Unless you have sensory issues or behavioral issues that

prevent her from existing in social/community environments then you

need to help Paige.

And if she does have sensory issues or behavioral issues, then you

need to get OT, Speech, psychological and psychiatric professional

help too.

Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have a son who is

Asperger/autism spectrum. There is much you can do, and I hope that

you will not allow her to stay the way she is " hard-wired " to be. I

have suffered with my son for years, but he is making great progress

now, because our family refused to accept the AUTISM/ASPERGER

CONDITION.......you must too.....you must push and pull with love,

understanding, great patience, kindness and a lot of humor.........

Mark

> > > My 13 yr old daughter has asbergers.She has no friends,and

> > > she's sad about that.What activities do I put her in so she

> > > can socialize with kids her age?She does not go to school.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Just wanted to interject and mention that many of the

highschool services online that homeschoolers can use

also have interactive discussion forums and groups

that kids can use and join either with or without a

webcam - the interactive type of schooling is mainly

available to highschool students so it might be worth

looking around.

Because our kids are younger we use the time4leaning

system, there's no social aspect but it's interactive

learning all the same and works really well with my

kids who love video games - unfortunately the service

only takes your child to 8th grade.

a

--- cindy <rcpjburton@...> wrote:

>

> >

> > Can I ask why she doesn't go to school? Is she

> homeschooled? My

> 13 yr old

> > has maybe one friend so I understand the friend

> issue, he wants so

> many more

> > But unfortunately, social skills and appropriate

> friend making

> skills is a

> > deficiancy with Aspergers, (as the therapist

> explained to me). I

> wish it

> > wasn't that way. Kris tries so hard to make

> friends... Kinda

> sad....

> >

> > Kerry

> >

> > -- ( ) finding friends

> >

> > .

> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > Hi, Kerry

> Paige is on home and hospital.The teacher comes to

> our

> home for instruction.Paige can't handle a place

> with too many people,so going to school right

> now is out of the question.It makes me sooo

> frustrated that I can't find a way for her to make

> friends.She stays in her room every day playing

> video games or drawling.There has to be a way,

> but I just haven't found it yet.

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I would suggest you find a speech therapist who has a social skill group. That

way she can learn how to socialize better and it will help her make friends.

Roxanna

( ) finding friends

My 13 yr old daughter has asbergers.She has no friends,and

she's sad about that.What activities do I put her in so she

can socialize with kids her age?She does not go to school.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

You might want to consider seeing a doctor and trying meds, if the doc agrees.

Sometimes this kind of anxiety needs help. I know with our one ds, he took meds

for anxiety for several years. It helped him tremendously. He would otherwise

have not been able to go to school.

Roxanna

Re: ( ) finding friends

> Hi, Kerry

Paige is on home and hospital.The teacher comes to our

home for instruction.Paige can't handle a place

with too many people,so going to school right

now is out of the question.It makes me sooo

frustrated that I can't find a way for her to make

friends.She stays in her room every day playing

video games or drawling.There has to be a way,

but I just haven't found it yet.

[Guest guest]

Hi Nick,

Wow, I really sympathize with your situation. What a difficult position to be

in as a parent. Are there any other options in terms of schools? Is there

anyone else you can go to at the school besides your son's teacher? A

principal, maybe, who could be supportive, a school counselor, or a special ed

teacher who could come on board and help to build some kind of protective

infrastructure? Personally, I would go to the principal if the teacher wasn't

being helpful. Do the kids know your son has Asperger's? I've been reading

about books to educate other kids about what Asperger's is, and I ordered one

which is pretty good and very simple, called " Can I Tell You About Asperger

Syndrome: A Guide for Friends and Family, " by Newson. You may not

want to go this route at all, but it seems that sometimes if kids understand

where behaviors are coming from and that they're part of something the kid can't

control it helps them to be more sympathetic. I've heard of people reading this

book to their kids' classes. But of coures that may not want to be at all the

route you want to go, since there's also the potential for giving the bullies

more fodder for their canons.

Don't know if I've been of any help at all, but sending lots of good wishes.

>

> Hi from New Zealand,

>

> My son is 11 years old and was disagnosed with Aspergers in 2003, just after

starting school.

>

> He's what I guess you would call a mild case, copes fairly well with school

work and can appear invisible in a classroom. He has zero tolerance for teasing,

which makes him an easy target as the other kids love to wind him up.

>

> Basically my biggest concern for him is that he has no friends. I've already

moved him from one school that had aggressive violent children in it, and he was

miserable there. His school now is better but he is still getting teased and

keeps telling me he is lonely. I think he makes it worse by drawing attention to

himself, but of course he is seen as an oddball.

>

> The kids call him " Random " , Freak/Geek etc. Beating my head against a wall

with the teacher who claims he is doing everything he can but won't discuss

issues of concern.

>

> I'm sure many can relate, not sure if I'm asking for advice here or just

sounding off.

>

> Nick

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome, fellow kiwi. I moved from NZ to Australia 3 years ago before we learnt

about Asperger's. My son has issues at school too, including being a bully

magnet and having huge trouble making friends. He is finally being left alone

by the key trouble-makers and has 1 or 2 friends now. Recently officially

diagnosed as has major issues with getting very upset resulting in screaming

etc. Yesterday, I had to collect him from school as he didn't cope with having

a relief teacher and was having tantrums. They are still going through the

process of implementing a special program for him since getting his official

diagnosis.

Miranda

>

> Hi from New Zealand,

>

> My son is 11 years old and was disagnosed with Aspergers in 2003, just after

starting school.

>

> He's what I guess you would call a mild case, copes fairly well with school

work and can appear invisible in a classroom. He has zero tolerance for teasing,

which makes him an easy target as the other kids love to wind him up.

>

> Basically my biggest concern for him is that he has no friends. I've already

moved him from one school that had aggressive violent children in it, and he was

miserable there. His school now is better but he is still getting teased and

keeps telling me he is lonely. I think he makes it worse by drawing attention to

himself, but of course he is seen as an oddball.

>

> The kids call him " Random " , Freak/Geek etc. Beating my head against a wall

with the teacher who claims he is doing everything he can but won't discuss

issues of concern.

>

> I'm sure many can relate, not sure if I'm asking for advice here or just

sounding off.

>

> Nick

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear that your son is still being bullied at his new school. My son

went through this as well at this age. Kids can be so cruel at times and

unfortunately the people who should be watching our kids often turn a blind eye

to teasing. Once I was with my son before school and some kids who didn't know

who I was came up to him and quietly called him some names and I just lost my

temper. I could not believe what they said and how much they were enjoying the

fact that they were crushing a younger child's spirit. I was standing right next

to their teacher at the time, too.

What I did to help my son was try to find something he could do after school

where he was around people who accepted him as he was. At 11, my son still liked

Boy Scouts and I sent him on lots of hikes with the Scouts. He found a refuge in

taking martial arts and in going to a language school on the weekend to study

Japanese. He loved to draw and I enrolled him in a couple of drawing classes at

a museum where he got a lot of praise for his talent.

I got a book on how to deal with bullies (can't remember the title) that

described different ways to stop bullies. We talked about things that he could

do to keep things from esacalating. In his case, the strategy of telling jokes

wouldn't work because he clams up when he is stressed, but he could do the

technique of just walking away from a bully. Once on the playground I saw him

try this strategy and it was funny to see. The bullies started talking to him

and he got up and moved somewhere else and then they would go over to him again

and he would quickly get up and move somewhere else and so on...Finally they

gave up.

In my son's case older kids would tease him deliberately to make him have a

meltdown and start making a scene - either yelling or crying or throwing a wild

punch. I talked to the school and got little results, but his teacher did a

great job of watching over my son. The teacher actually punished the kids who

deliberately said and did things that made my son have a meltdown.

[Guest guest]

yep, my son a dramatic reaction like a meltdown. The school managed to get one

of the 2 key bullies to stop. the other persisted. One morning, I took my son

in and this particular bully was alone. I know the school doesn't want us to

" interfere " , but I went up to the bully and made a polite request in a " don't

mess with me or else " tone of voice. I said to him: " you've been bullying my

child, hassling him every day. Please stop. I don't ever want to hear your

name mentioned again. "

And the bullying stopped. So currently, as far as I am aware, he is not being

attacked anymore, and he even has 1 new friend (and the first ex-bully is trying

to be a friend too apparently)

Miranda

>

> Sorry to hear that your son is still being bullied at his new school. My son

went through this as well at this age. Kids can be so cruel at times and

unfortunately the people who should be watching our kids often turn a blind eye

to teasing. Once I was with my son before school and some kids who didn't know

who I was came up to him and quietly called him some names and I just lost my

temper. I could not believe what they said and how much they were enjoying the

fact that they were crushing a younger child's spirit. I was standing right next

to their teacher at the time, too.

>

> What I did to help my son was try to find something he could do after school

where he was around people who accepted him as he was. At 11, my son still liked

Boy Scouts and I sent him on lots of hikes with the Scouts. He found a refuge in

taking martial arts and in going to a language school on the weekend to study

Japanese. He loved to draw and I enrolled him in a couple of drawing classes at

a museum where he got a lot of praise for his talent.

>

> I got a book on how to deal with bullies (can't remember the title) that

described different ways to stop bullies. We talked about things that he could

do to keep things from esacalating. In his case, the strategy of telling jokes

wouldn't work because he clams up when he is stressed, but he could do the

technique of just walking away from a bully. Once on the playground I saw him

try this strategy and it was funny to see. The bullies started talking to him

and he got up and moved somewhere else and then they would go over to him again

and he would quickly get up and move somewhere else and so on...Finally they

gave up.

>

> In my son's case older kids would tease him deliberately to make him have a

meltdown and start making a scene - either yelling or crying or throwing a wild

punch. I talked to the school and got little results, but his teacher did a

great job of watching over my son. The teacher actually punished the kids who

deliberately said and did things that made my son have a meltdown.

>