Re: In The Dumps

[Guest guest]

Sara, I can sympathize with you. I have 17 yo boys. I know

what you are talking about. Everyones making great summer

plans and my boys are perfectly happy to play computer

games, watch tv and sleep. One thing that has helped me with

them not being 'normal' is looking at what some of the kids

that are 'normal' are into. For instance, oral sex, sex-sex,

drugs, alcohol, drama with girlfriends, worrying about them

having a wreck etc... I so wish my kids wanted to drive and

go to a movie or a ballgame or whatever but it just isn't

what they are interested in. Is your son basically happy? Is

he complaining about being different or is it just that you

hurt from your friends and family being so insensitive? I

understand that too. My neices are dating, blah, blah, my

cousins son is playing football and colleges are coming to

watch him, he went to football camp... it goes on and on. As

far as the weight, can the dr put him on something that

doesn't cause weight gain? is lucky to have a mom

that cares so much... Try and think of the positives and not

the negatives. I'm one to talk... I think negatively all the

time. But I am trying to remember ALL the unique, wonderful

things that make my children who they are and GOD doesn't

make mistakes. HE made them the way they are for a purpose.

Hope you get to feeling better soon. Don't forget to take

care of Sara too. Sometimes we all focus so much on our kids

we neglect ourselves... Toni

> I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or

> siblings or the people at my son's school...........they

> just don't understand. My DS will be 17 in 8

> days..........it's so hard to believe. Right now, I am

> just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

> I've just gone through the pictures being passed

> around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got

> this scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for

> friends kids and my neices and nephews, but it's all

> getting me really down right now. My son isn't doing those

> things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My brothers or

> sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

> achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much

> to him when they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

> Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if

> he was 'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet?

> Would he be on the honor society? How about the school

> newspaper? He would most probably be thin instead of

> heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems like I am the

> only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

> Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face,

> and see if he would like to play a board game tonight.

> thanks........Sara

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Sara,

I know how tough it can been when everyone else is braggin on their kids and

your Ds is not one theyare bragging about.

My 16yr old DD is kinda in the same boat

Annie is very well liked in her own class with other children with

disabillities,however when she goes into the main building where these kids are

NOT segrigated then she gets the " stares and looks and the whispering giggles.

And you know what it Irks the h%^ & l outta me

but she is oblivious to it and thinks if the smile at her or hug her that

everything is OK.

I know you are down because of this and that is a reasonable response, So here

is my .37 Cents worth (infation & intrest)

After getting so P.O. at people for not Including my kid because of her

Disability: We just started letting her do her own things

With her it has always been Gymnastics....She is self taught and gets a crowd

every time we go to the park

this is where she has the option to be " nice " and teach or if they were mean

to her before she can just walk away

Well with this new " power " she has only " walked away " once

She Loves to show off now

I cannot blow smoke up your skirt and tell you it will easier,because I dunno

and neither does anyone else, so just have to take it one day ata time

sara11alex77 <sara61145@...> wrote:

I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

I've just gone through the pictures being passed

around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

OH Sara

I wish I could come give you a hug. My son is 5 1/2 and he is experiencing the

same thing with my family. It hurts. I know that it really hurts, to hear how

everyone elses son is playing sports and mine can't catch a ball. I know that

there is a huge age difference between our kids, but I still feel your pain.....

I hope you feel better soon.

Leanne

sara11alex77 <sara61145@...> wrote:

I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

I've just gone through the pictures being passed

around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Sara, my heart goes out to you. Our family has been there, too. What

I can say to you is this. You can give your siblings a chance, by

letting them know that they're hurting your feelings by not asking

about . If they don't pick up on it, then minimize the amount of

time you spend with them when is with you. Find friends who DO

care about and spend time with them. That's what we do. There

are some relatives who we don't see much at all any more because of

their attitude. Some have worked hard to try to understand and I

appreciate that.

Liz

On Jun 29, 2006, at 3:39 PM, sara11alex77 wrote:

>

> I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

> the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

> My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

> now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

> I've just gone through the pictures being passed

> around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

> scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

> my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

> My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

> brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

> achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

> they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

> Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

> 'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

> honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

> probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

> like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

> Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

> he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Been there done that with family. There are 18 grandkids in our family. And you

would think there were 17. My dad will call to wish my daughter happy birthday

and give her birthday money but i have to remind him that my sons birthday was 2

days before hers. Or when family send emails to ask about the kids i have to

remind them that i have four not three. It used to bother me alot but then i

realized we cant make people love them like we do. I believe the saying it takes

a village to raise a child and i found people that love him dispite all his

quirks. Now they may not be blood relative but you could not tell him that. He

thinks of them as his family. I thank god everyday for sending these angels into

his life and hope you can find the same thing

Leanne Back <lback1767@...> wrote: OH Sara

I wish I could come give you a hug. My son is 5 1/2 and he is experiencing the

same thing with my family. It hurts. I know that it really hurts, to hear how

everyone elses son is playing sports and mine can't catch a ball. I know that

there is a huge age difference between our kids, but I still feel your pain.....

I hope you feel better soon.

Leanne

sara11alex77 <sara61145@...> wrote:

I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

I've just gone through the pictures being passed

around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

---------------------------------

Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

countries) for 2¢/min or less.

[Guest guest]

Sara,

Your message touched a raw nerve in me, I felt exactly the same way when all my

friends kids started school while my son went back to kinder. There was all

this big excitement about getting uniforms and school books and kinder

graduations and no one asked if Isaac was looking forward to going back to

kinder. In fact one friend continually made her son show Isaac all his new

school stuff. Which meant I went througha period of having to console a kid

who just wanted to go to school too! Even though he didn't really even get what

school was all about. It has continued on throughout this whole year as I

listen to the talk about what level their kids are reading at, how great their

writing is, all the excitment of sports days. I've just tried to keep myself

focussed on how far we've come this past year, because focussing outward on the

achievements of other kids the same age is too painful.

Beck

( ) In The Dumps

I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

I've just gone through the pictures being passed

around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

[Guest guest]

>

Thanks so much everyone for all your kind words. I'm feelint better

now. Yes, for much of the time my son is content. He is looking

forward to his birthday - his movie Pirates OPENS on birthday! His

friend is spending the night and we are hopefully going to the

movie.Just last night he had a meltdown, but we got through it. They

are fewer than they used to be. I'll just keep trudging along!

> Sara,

> Your message touched a raw nerve in me, I felt exactly the same way

when all my friends kids started school while my son went back to

kinder. There was all this big excitement about getting uniforms and

school books and kinder graduations and no one asked if Isaac was

looking forward to going back to kinder. In fact one friend

continually made her son show Isaac all his new school stuff. Which

meant I went througha period of having to console a kid who just

wanted to go to school too! Even though he didn't really even get

what school was all about. It has continued on throughout this whole

year as I listen to the talk about what level their kids are reading

at, how great their writing is, all the excitment of sports days.

I've just tried to keep myself focussed on how far we've come this

past year, because focussing outward on the achievements of other

kids the same age is too painful.

>

> Beck

> ( ) In The Dumps

>

>

>

> I just need to vent a little. I can't to my husband or siblings or

> the people at my son's school...........they just don't understand.

> My DS will be 17 in 8 days..........it's so hard to believe. Right

> now, I am just wondering if he'll ever be any better than he is now.

> I've just gone through the pictures being passed

> around........graduation. prom. and all the talk. She got this

> scholarship, He got this award. I am very happy for friends kids and

> my neices and nephews, but it's all getting me really down right now.

> My son isn't doing those things. No one hardly asked about my DS. My

> brothers or sisters will tell me all about their FRIENDS KIDS

> achievements, but not ask about my son or even talk much to him when

> they see him. And I'm sure he notices this.

> Sometimes I wonder, what would be like at this age if he was

> 'normal'? Would he play basebell, or the trumpet? Would he be on the

> honor society? How about the school newspaper? He would most

> probably be thin instead of heavy from taking meds. Sometimes it seems

> like I am the only one who loves him totally and unconditionally.

> Thanks for reading! I'll go now, put a smile on my face, and see if

> he would like to play a board game tonight. thanks........Sara

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like you need to remember to put on your own

airmask! You know how flight attendants always give the safety

instructions, and one of the things they say is to put on your own

airmask BEFORE putting on someone else's?

Yes, you're spent, and I would guess that you have been for a long

time. What I'm hearing from you is a lot of depression, and that is

completely understandable. In some ways, the fact that your son has

made strides is giving you time to stop and feel, and grieve for

"what might have been" were he "typical."

I do think you would benefit from getting some help for your

depression. For what it's worth, I know there have been times in my

life when pharmaceuticals were a VERY useful tool, maybe even a

lifesaver, which gave me the strength and momentum to do what I

needed to do.

Just my thoughts. Bless you and hang in there!

Eleanor, San , CA

son Isaac, 10 yo Aspie

On 01/28/2011 06:24 , sara11alex77 wrote:

I am down..........my son is 21 and has made strides.

He's a volunteer at the library one afternoon a week. He

has a provider that takes him out about one day a week.

But, I'm sick of the pit room. I'm sick of not wanting to

shower or brush teeth or shave. I'm not working right now

so I'm home all day, every day. He sometimes needs my

constant attention, I have to watch every video he makes,

every video he thinks is funny, every movie he wants to

watch. I keep having thoughts of how it would be if he

were typical. He would probably be graduated from

college..........he might be working some great computer

job....he might be out on his own.......then I feel

terrible for having these thoughts. I feel spent.........

[Guest guest]

You might work on setting some limits. I know it is not that simple to do rather than say. I will usually watch one you tube video and when they go to set up the next one that I "just have to see", I say, "Nope! Gotta go...(fill in the blank with whatever)." They complain but I am already heading to the bathroom so I can shut and lock the door. lol.

As for showering, make a schedule and work to get him to follow it. It can work and it will take a lot of effort, I am sure. But try to pair showers with what he likes. For instance, he can show you the video after the shower. "Shower first, then one video."

Check into any MR/DD programming you might have in your community. They might have programs to help get him a job or provide some kind of respite.

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) In the dumps

I am down..........my son is 21 and has made strides. He's a volunteer at the library one afternoon a week. He has a provider that takes him out about one day a week. But, I'm sick of the pit room. I'm sick of not wanting to shower or brush teeth or shave. I'm not working right now so I'm home all day, every day. He sometimes needs my constant attention, I have to watch every video he makes, every video he thinks is funny, every movie he wants to watch. I keep having thoughts of how it would be if he were typical. He would probably be graduated from college..........he might be working some great computer job....he might be out on his own.......then I feel terrible for having these thoughts. I feel spent.........