Almost 2 yrs. postop

[Guest guest]

I look at this picture of a beautiful lady and tears just come to

my eyes realizing that IT IS ME! (See the pics of my journey in the

photo section under Suzanne). I feel so blessed to have had gastric

bypass surgery, to no longer be imprisoned by a wall of fat. I am

grateful. It has almost been 2 yrs since my surgery which

drastically improved the quality of my life.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had

had the surgery 30 yrs ago as a teen prior to a lifetime of physical

& emotional pain inflicted by obesity, damaging my self esteem over

the years. I'll never know what could have been. But today I

have a new lease on life and am happier than I've been in many, many

years. I like the lady looking back at me in the mirror!

Becoming a normal weight hasn't cured all of my " issues "

though. I have still been unable to feel confident enough as

a " sexual woman " to seek out an intimate relationship. I am just

still so insecure in that area of my life after a lifetime of

feeling sexually repulsive due to my morbid obesity. I just never

was one of those who could accept herself OBESE. My self worth &

desirability as a woman was so tied into the way I looked on the

outside.

So how do I manage to overcome my intimacy fears, to take a

risk, to learn to flirt, etc? Do I take the risk and join

Eharmony.com online or other potential partner meeting sites? I

just don't know many single men and I'm not exactly a social

butterfly who likes a lot of single social scenes. I've been in

this thinner body now for about 1 1/2 yrs (give or take 30 lbs).

No, I am not at an ideal weight (I could stand to lose about 10-15

more lbs.), but I pass for NORMAL. I have loose skin but I look

fine in clothes. So why am I so scared and insecure regarding my

desirabitlity as a sexual woman? I need to just take the risk

and " go for it " , yet I feel a bit paralyzed in fear & insecurity.

DAMN IT!

Thanks for letting me share my innermost thoughts with all of

you. I know that many of you can relate to these feelings.

Changing my thoughts, my actions, and self-talk takes time and work.

I'm doing great overall. I'm sooooooo proud of myself!

Hugs, Suzanne