Re: Laugh if you will

December 10, 2003

Cleveland , I don't have an answer just a big hug for you. I remember

living without heat in the winter, losing the house. I was too depressed to

know what to do. I believe you should take care of yourself first You can do

it, we are survivors.

Fay Bayuk

**300/168

10/23/01

Dr.

Open RNY 150 cm

Click for My Profile

http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=Bayuk951061008

December 10, 2003

Good for you Ellen! Ah strapless and bra-less what a luxury!

Joanie

Re: Re: Laugh if you will

> Hi had tt/br 3 weeks ago-went to Dillards yesterday and bought OMG a

> strapless dress (SIZE 8-OMG) and also another dress size SMALL,that I will

wear

> braless.I have never ever gone braless in my whole life even during the

70's in the

> halter fashion days.I can't begin to tell you the excitement I felt in

that

> dressing room.

>

> Ellen

December 10, 2003

It made perfect sense to me. <VBG>

Jac

Friends are angels who lift you up, when your wings have forgotten how to

fly.

http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/

http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS

mail to: jholdaway@...

Re: Laugh if you will

I am so darned glad to hear that someone who is further out from me

cannot see thin in pix. Or in real life. Or not on a consistent basis.

Or something.

I get SO confused when I fit between furniture or into tiny spots.

Part of my brain knows this, but the front part still thinks as I was.

Mind you, I have been this size for EIGHT YEARS (wls was 9 yrs ago).

I was never any single size (ok, or even small span) for any length of

time. I was morbid for 5, starved down to chunky for 7, and varying

degrees of chunky & chunkier since I was 6.

Although I don't see morbid, my brain still files me under chunky.

I'm 5'1 " , so it doesn't take but a few lbs to put me there on this

frame. Lil Tina jelly bean toes is technically shorter than me, and

weighs just a few more lbs. So, in essence, is " bigger " bmi, anyway.

And yes, we discuss this all the time with each other. I stare at her

lil teensy self and cannot grasp the concept that there is enough room

in there for an entire people. All the guts & everything cannot fit

into such a small package. How can that be? And how is it that we can

swap clothes?

Presumably you have moments that you can grab a shirt and hold it up

and be pretty sure it'll fit? But other days, you grab a size to two

too big? And the spatial thing...... where can I FIT?

Do guys do this? Don didn't really go through it. He was kinda lanky

til he was 40, went directly to morbid without even pausing at pudgy,

which is his family history. Happy birthday, 40, be huge. He never

related to large. So, whether he is at 175 or 190, he doesn't

particularly care. His whole self is not wrapped up in weight issues

at all.

I cannot imagine a life in which weight is not one of the major daily

dynamics.

Is anyone with me here or did I just unload a lot of nonsense?

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

December 10, 2003

Oh Thanksgiving morning I woke up in a sweat, I dreamed that I gained all of

the weight back, but it was more of a feeling dream, I didn't see myself.

I think I've always dreamed of myself as thin, though.

Joanie

RE: Laugh if you will

>

> > ok here is a global question for you all:

> >

> > when you dream are you fat/pre op weight or thin/post op weight

> >

> > things that make you go hmmmmmmmm

> >

> > janice

December 10, 2003

I don't recall seeing myself in dreams in quite a while, but I do have a

problem seeing myself as thin. I am referred to as skinny, tiny, thin and

such and when people say that to me I look at them like they're crazy, then

I go on about how I have to lose in my gut, butt and thighs---then they look

at me like I'm crazy, LOL! I don't know where the happy medium for my

weight is, in the last 2 weeks I've gained 10 pounds (WAY over stressed,

eating too much chocolate because I've been trying to stop smoking) so once

again I see myself as fat and how could I have let myself get that big again

(intellectually, 10 pounds really isn't a big deal, but when my work

uniforms start feeling tight, I panic) When I look in the mirror, I see my

fat gut and my fat butt---but my pants (size 10 or 12) are small---so I

honestly wonder how the heck I'm stuffing myself into those small pants. I

don't have a major problem with hanging skin---if I were to have a TT, I'd

probably lose a pound or so in skin---but it still looks HUGE to me! On the

other hand, when I was down to 135 and fitting into size 8's, I wasn't happy

because I looked emaciated. Where does it end???? My goal weight on my

surgery date was 150. I've gotten as far down as 135, then I gained 7 more

pounds and I was pretty happy with myself at 142. I've yo-yo'd ever since,

gaining 5-10 pounds premenstrually, losing it agian after my period, having

tons of crud going on in my life which starts me eating stuff that isn't

good for me (and I am aware of these actions---but it made me feel good,

unless I dumped, so I wasn't too worried about it) Now I'm up to 154 and

I'm not happy again---I know if I gave up candy for 3 days I'd be back at

142---but I just don't seem to have the will power, so now I worry about

gaining more and more. I sure gain easily---but if I do the right things I

lose easily too. My life is such a mess right now, my husband left me,

hasn't paid any child support, I have no money for my 5 kids for Christmas

and my utilities and my rent hasn't been paid because he hasn't given me any

money. The kids are all messed up because of all this, I am working my butt

off trying to get extra hours so I can at least pay SOMETHING---but it's not

nearly enough. So to get through all this stress, I eat. I know it's not

the right thing to do, I tell myself this as I'm doing it but nothing seems

to motivate me at this point to stop. I'm wondering if I should ease off

myself and just deal with things the best way I can, or become really tough

on myself and say WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

HERE!!!. When I'm worrying about whether or not we're gonna have a home

much longer, or if they are gonna shut off the gas or if I can get food for

the kids---the weight issues don't seem that important---even though they

are hugely important to me.

Anyway, I've gone off on quite a tangent here, LOL---sorry and if you've

read this far, thanks for letting me vent, LOL!!! I'm sure I will dream

tonight and see myself how my conscience sees myself (probably fat now with

the extra 10 pounds, LOL!) I told my mother that I was a fat person in a

skinny body---she told me that was unhealthy. I think she is probably

right---if I can get a grip on this emotional eating, I'm sure I'll have a

better image of myself---it's just been real hard lately.

:-) (the one in Cleveland)

RE: Laugh if you will

> What an interesting question!

>

> I generally dream myself thin - or at roughly the size I am now, anyway.

> But even pre-op I didn't dream myself fat. I knew I was fat, but never

> recognized myself in shop windows when I'd go shopping or walking in the

> mall. I'd always be surprised to realize that short, round woman was me.

>

> I was one of those yo-yo people so it was rare for me to be the same size

> two years in a row and regularly would swing several sizes up or down (but

> the last several years pre-op mostly UP) in a relatively short period of

> time. Wonder if that makes any difference?

>

> Amy in Moline

> RNY 12/7/2000

> size 22/24/26 to size 6/8/10

December 10, 2003

> when you dream are you fat/pre op weight or thin/post op weight

I never thought about it, but I think I'm thinner than most of my life, but

heavy (more or less like I am now) like I was in my teenage life.

~~ Lyn

December 11, 2003

are we MO for life?

good questions. my personal opinion is that for those of us that spent the

majority of our life MO, especially the growing up years, that it is much harder

to ever 'think' differently. to even 'know' what normal is....!?

for someone who was normal weight, then had kids, couldn't lose, gained more,

spent a few years MO - its different i think. the diet myths, normal

thinking, etc. is either there or not to draw on and many of us have nothing to

draw

on and must learn it now.

at 6yr. out i still don't see myself as thin, i overfull my plate, i want to

finish my last bite, i basically hate exercise but have conceded i must do it,

and still want my chocolate.

i try convincing my patients of this .... that the first 6-18mo. are a golden

opportunity to make major changes, never look back and don't let these things

haunt you again. i want them forewarned that their bad habits will probably

resurface down the road. they look at me like i'm crazy usually - you remember

the early excitement? lack of desire to eat?

sue

December 11, 2003

i am right there with you

but i am only 13 months out.

i weigh 141 at 5'1 "

but still think that i am fat, even though i wear a size 10 and everyone

else says i look great

in fact most people think i am a size 8 and estimate my weight at 135 or so

i have made a conscious effort to transition to a weight maintenance plan

and not a weight reduction plan

i still " see " myself as big, sometimes not as big as i was at 390, but big

janice