Guest guest Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 In a message dated 6/2/2004 12:16:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time, ladymyst76@... writes: He is feeling like he is abnormal because he can't perform as well as he would like on command. But he is wanting a baby as much as I am. Did any of you have a situation like this with your spouse? I know he would be more comforted if he knew he wasn't alone. Thanks, Stacey~ --------------------------------------------- My suggestion only if you are both in agreement with Conception... Don't tell him WHEN you are ovulating.... then there is no pressure on his part.... Perhaps make a nice dinner.. candles.. music.. a little wine.... Flirt with him during the day..via phone calls and emails...... Make the moment about spending quality bedroom time with him... and not about getting his baby product.. Perhaps some really nice lingerie.... a nice bubble bath for 2... etc... Be EXTRA romantic and attentive during your fertile days.... While men may desire to procreate and be a father... the details just give them headaches... Good Luck!! - Mommy to: Noah - 10/14/02 - 31 weeker - 3lbs 11 oz Deanna Marie or Jonah due November 18th - 2004 http://www.love-my-kids.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Stacey, As far as your spouse goes...yes girl! I totally understand what you are going through. About 9 years ago my husband and I tried and tried to get pregnant. We went through all the fertility testing and some treatments. We had " sex on command " quite often (once I even had a horrible yeast infection and it hurt so bad I cried...but I insisted we " do it " ). We never were able to conceive at that time, but luckily 5 years ago we did get pregnant and now have a 4 year old son. We have been trying to conceive again since February. Since my surgery I have had regular periods and appear to be ovulating which wasn't the case before. Anyway, the " sex on command " issue is still a sensitive issue for us. My husband has horrible memories of that whole time we were trying so hard to get pregnant before. He doesn't want to repeat the stress and non-romantic times we went through in the past. He really feels pressured when he knows I am ovulating and knows he " has to do it " on certain days. What makes this even worse is he works 60 plus hours a week, every week and is usually very tired. So, this is a dilema I face monthly. What is working for us somewhat is I try not to talk about when I am ovulating. He has a general idea, but I try not to give him too much technical information about my cycle. I might say something like, " you need to rest up " or something like that, but I don't give him exact dates anymore. It has helped him not feel so pressured. Also, I am tracking my temps and taking ovulation predicttor tests, so I have a good clue when it will happen. This cycle we made a point of not having sex for several days prior to the time I will be fertile (which is now...wish me luck!). This way, our hormones take over and at least for the first couple of days we have sex because we are wanting to, and not just because we need to. I also save his favorite lingerie for the last couple of nights to make it more fun for him. The last cycle we " did it " frequently the week following my period, so a few days later when we needed to " do it " for procreational reasons, he wasn't as interested since he had been so well taken care of previously if you know what I mean. Is this too much information for you? Sorry if it is. I just wanted to share that yes we go through this too. My husband jokes about " recreational sex " as opposed to " procreational sex, " and he definately prefers " recreational sex. " My best advice is try to make it fun and spontaneous and try to relax and enjoy it. Good luck, and if you want more specifics or need to vent, you can email me at...momyknipp@... Good luck! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Donna, Thanks for the words of encouragement. My husband even recommended my wearing certain pieces on lingerie and just not telling him that " today is a good day " . I will try this. Also, good luck on your endeavor, mine should hit today or tomorrow and I will try hard not to mention that to him and just romanticize him...lol. Feel free to email me at ladymyst76@... if you want to chat or vent. Perhaps we will both have luck on our sides and can go through these pregnancies around the same time Stacey~ > Stacey, > > As far as your spouse goes...yes girl! I totally understand what > you are going through. About 9 years ago my husband and I tried and > tried to get pregnant. We went through all the fertility testing and > some treatments. We had " sex on command " quite often (once I even > had a horrible yeast infection and it hurt so bad I cried...but I > insisted we " do it " ). We never were able to conceive at that time, > but luckily 5 years ago we did get pregnant and now have a 4 year > old son. We have been trying to conceive again since February. > Since my surgery I have had regular periods and appear to be > ovulating which wasn't the case before. Anyway, the " sex on command " > issue is still a sensitive issue for us. > > Good luck! > Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 Thanks! I am sending baby dust your way!!! and thinking fertile thoughts for you! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 My husband and I didn't plan for our child, it just happened. So, maybe you are thinking about it too much. Doctors will tell you that thinking of it too much and stressing, will hold your body back from concieving. Paradise, TX Lap Gastric Bypass: 4-18-03 Internal hernia repairs & Gallbladder removal: 2-12-04 - 100 pounds! Mother of 2 year old and working on #2 child! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 Oh boy I do understand this. When we were doing the whole fertility thing my schedule w/ hubby was so different. I used to get up at 5 am so wanted to be asleep by 9pm. he was working full time and going to school at night so he would come in at 10:30 - 11 pm and I would be like " OK tonight is the night and I need to get to sleep - dont worry about pleasing me or anything - its your part that is important. " He would be like I need to unwind and that is NOT the way to get me in themood. I was like it used to be you were always in the mood it only takes you a couple of min. to get ready anyway. Month after month of this made us nopt even want to have sex too often. We were doing it because we had to. Finally we gave up trying. I felt like after 2 years of fertility and 18 years of marriage if it has not happened it wont happen. That is when I decided to have WLS and 9 months after we stoped trying and 5.5 months after WLS there we were pregnent. the weird thing is we still had scheduling problems and it was even worse! he worked 13 hour overnight shifts on the weekends and I work all day long all week. As it turned out we only had sex 2 times all of december and only one was not careful(we didn't want to TTC again until at least 1 year post op) Any way I know the exact conception date and I am 26 weeks pregnant now. it is a miracle to say the least. My suggestion to you would be to be sensitive to his needs and if he is worried about performance try to make him relaxed with out putting pressure oon him. I do know it is hard when there is an agenda but it does take 2 to tango. Good Luck - Diane > In a message dated 6/2/2004 12:16:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time, > ladymyst76@y... writes: > He is feeling like he is abnormal because he can't perform as well as he > would like on command. But he is wanting a baby as much as I am. Did any of you > have a situation like this with your spouse? I know he would be more > comforted if he knew he wasn't alone. > Thanks, > Stacey~ > --------------------------------------------- > > My suggestion only if you are both in agreement with Conception... > > Don't tell him WHEN you are ovulating.... then there is no pressure on his > part.... > > Perhaps make a nice dinner.. candles.. music.. a little wine.... > Flirt with him during the day..via phone calls and emails...... > > Make the moment about spending quality bedroom time with him... and not about > getting his baby product.. > > Perhaps some really nice lingerie.... a nice bubble bath for 2... etc... > > Be EXTRA romantic and attentive during your fertile days.... > While men may desire to procreate and be a father... the details just give > them headaches... > > Good Luck!! > > > > > - Mommy to: > Noah - 10/14/02 - 31 weeker - 3lbs 11 oz > > Deanna Marie or Jonah due November 18th - 2004 > > http://www.love-my-kids.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.