Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Hugs Lonnie! I know how you feel - my in laws drop in unannounced and as they get up earlier than we do they often 'pop in for a cup of coffee' at 8.30am - when I am still in my pyjamas! THey don't have TV, but they do have a video player and a monitor but seem to think that DH and I should supply them with all the videos and often phone up just after 8pm to see if we have a film they can watch - they got quite upset one night when I said they couldn't come round and pick out a video as I had friends over for supper! 'We'll only stay about half an hour' they said!! http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/ Lonnie Fletcher wrote: > My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Hugs Lonnie! I know how you feel - my in laws drop in unannounced and as they get up earlier than we do they often 'pop in for a cup of coffee' at 8.30am - when I am still in my pyjamas! THey don't have TV, but they do have a video player and a monitor but seem to think that DH and I should supply them with all the videos and often phone up just after 8pm to see if we have a film they can watch - they got quite upset one night when I said they couldn't come round and pick out a video as I had friends over for supper! 'We'll only stay about half an hour' they said!! http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/ Lonnie Fletcher wrote: > My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Caroline - I've been to your house and if your house is messy mine is a positive rubbish tip!!! I was meaning to use this time with DH away to have a massive clear out, but I was so tired last night I just sat in front of the TV (watching my recordings of 'The Cazelets') and sewing. We are both hoarders... not helped by the fact that the spare room is stacked high with books (DH is a rare book specialist) and I need that room for the baby! I jsut don't know where to start! The loft is full and the storage room we have is filling up quickly! I am so lazy that last night I couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher properly, I took enough out to enable me to fit the dirty dishes in and then set it off again! Luckily my in-laws are short sighted so don't notice the mess, and my parents live in Florida so they aren't going to check up on me! http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/ Caroline Pearce wrote: > i spent most of the meal with my mum, stepfather, DH, SIL and > DB being harangued about my messy lifestyle and how i had to > pull myself together! my mother has threatened to come over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Caroline - I've been to your house and if your house is messy mine is a positive rubbish tip!!! I was meaning to use this time with DH away to have a massive clear out, but I was so tired last night I just sat in front of the TV (watching my recordings of 'The Cazelets') and sewing. We are both hoarders... not helped by the fact that the spare room is stacked high with books (DH is a rare book specialist) and I need that room for the baby! I jsut don't know where to start! The loft is full and the storage room we have is filling up quickly! I am so lazy that last night I couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher properly, I took enough out to enable me to fit the dirty dishes in and then set it off again! Luckily my in-laws are short sighted so don't notice the mess, and my parents live in Florida so they aren't going to check up on me! http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/ Caroline Pearce wrote: > i spent most of the meal with my mum, stepfather, DH, SIL and > DB being harangued about my messy lifestyle and how i had to > pull myself together! my mother has threatened to come over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 < > Vicky this made me smile but the thing is that my mil and my mother would take the " first " route and that would drive me even more insane (last time my mother was here she " re arranged " my kitchen for me so things where easier to find........ -still looking for some tubberware pots that she put some place it is over a year ago) I do get what you are saying but the problem is that when we have said no they get dh on a mega guilt trip (with ringing like 4 or 5 times over the week) and in the end he then says oh we will go to you... thank goodness my mother is in Denmark at least SHE HAS to check if we are home before she arrives (and why cant they all be like my dad who just gets that people have lives to lead and that he has to slot in around that just like we have to slot in around his life...) thank you it is nice to know that I am not being unreasonable (sometimes I wonder if I am ;o) ) Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. in laws > My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. If you say that to them it is like BUT WE ARE FAMILY.. and short of lying to them (by saying we are out as the one time we said friends coming over they said OH we would love to see Vaughan - and the one time we said we where going out they rang to check..) we generally have to get them over.. last time this resorted in they arrived at 2 pm and FINALLY left at 8 pm. completely screwing up the girls schedule and making it impossible for dh to spend time with them.. > So trying to be smart we rang and said come for lunch (so they cant stay til the end of the day) but NO no we don't want to be to much trouble so we will come for COFFEE.. (who the H*** sets up a " proper " coffee/tea doo at 2 -3 pm anyway?? ) so now I have to sort out the house (as it cant be messy when mil is coming over) and I wont get my lie in (my turn this weekend) AND we wont get any of the stuff done that we need done.. I can feel ALL my muscles tensing up already... it just SO annoys me.. I am seriously thinking about telling them that we have a new rule that says no tv on when we have visitors as my fil spends the ENTIRE time watching sports channels (drives me NUTS) and then the girls gets upset because they cant get to watch what they would like (and they don't get why granddad can watch tv but they cant watch what they want...) > > > Now don't get me wrong I like my in laws but I also like them to not be at our house ALL THE TIME.. and at the moment it really feels that way.. we normally see them roughly every 6-8 weeks (speak every week) but this last 8 weeks we have seen them 4 times WAY to much for me... (and it also means that our entire weekend plans are out as it is ALWAYS at the last minute) > > sorry had to get it off my chest.. driving me nuts and I cant even have a drink ARGH > > > Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama > & expecting a Christmas delivery... > My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. > So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. > > I feel better already. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 > Caroline - I've been to your house and if your house is messy mine is a > positive rubbish tip!!! i did clean up a bit that day LOL! > > I was meaning to use this time with DH away to have a massive clear out, but > I was so tired last night I just sat in front of the TV (watching my > recordings of 'The Cazelets') and sewing. That definately sounds like me! > We are both hoarders... not helped > by the fact that the spare room is stacked high with books (DH is a rare book > specialist) and I need that room for the baby! I still have to find some shelving for all my books - thank goodness Joe doesn't want his bedroom anymore so i can use it for baby. I jsut don't know where to > start! The loft is full and the storage room we have is filling up quickly! Ditto!! > > I am so lazy that last night I couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher > properly, I took enough out to enable me to fit the dirty dishes in and then > set it off again! At least yours works! We had another fiddle with it today and DH (who use to work as a Electrician) says it is terminal It wil definately be cheaper to buy a new one so it is a trip to Comet on Monday. Therfore I have several sink loads of cheesy cups and plates to wash up today! Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Lonnie wrote: > > My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they > wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly > this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. If you say that > to > them it is like BUT WE ARE FAMILY.. and short of lying to them (by saying > we > are out as the one time we said friends coming over they > ...................>>>>>> Could you not say that you have planned your day, but would love to pop over to see them for afternoon tea? Then you can plan to pop in and out at your convenience. Or even - would you like to have the girls and we could go and enjoy ourselves for 1 hour without other company? I know it is really hard, my in-laws used to pop in unannounced at times like midweek tea time when I am trying to sort the boys out quickly to get off to X place. Or Sunday afternoon when I had wandered off to bed for peace and quiet. It really used to bug me but now MIL has no car she does not often appear here. I think she probably realises that she is unwelcome but I am sorry I cannot play happy families with her. Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Jack 7, 5 and Isaac 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Lonnie wrote: > > My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they > wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly > this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. If you say that > to > them it is like BUT WE ARE FAMILY.. and short of lying to them (by saying > we > are out as the one time we said friends coming over they > ...................>>>>>> Could you not say that you have planned your day, but would love to pop over to see them for afternoon tea? Then you can plan to pop in and out at your convenience. Or even - would you like to have the girls and we could go and enjoy ourselves for 1 hour without other company? I know it is really hard, my in-laws used to pop in unannounced at times like midweek tea time when I am trying to sort the boys out quickly to get off to X place. Or Sunday afternoon when I had wandered off to bed for peace and quiet. It really used to bug me but now MIL has no car she does not often appear here. I think she probably realises that she is unwelcome but I am sorry I cannot play happy families with her. Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Jack 7, 5 and Isaac 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 > I am so lazy that last night I couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher > properly, I took enough out to enable me to fit the dirty dishes in and then > set it off again! Lazy? No, I *like* this idea! I hate housework - I want to do far more important things, like play on my pooter and NCT stuff and nongrams and just generally hang out - I'm in a very hanging out mood today - with my kids. But I can't bear mess and dirt - I get more and more stressed if I live in an untidy environment. So I employ a cleaner and make the whole family clear up the messes they make - and it works - kids probably think I am a control freak tho'. One day they will slob out forever. They love it when we go to my sisters, or DH's cousins - where there is mess *everywhere*. I kid you not, one year we stayed new years eve at the cousins and there was not a single square inch of floor space for us to walk on to get to the bed!!! I could not wait to come home. But maybe, jus maybe, one day they'll appreciate it. Who knows? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 Lonnie wrote: > sadly no as we live 1 hour 15 mins away if we do see each other it is at > least a afternoons worth.. I don't mind as long as we keep to the 4-6 week > basis but when they are wanting every 14 days as at the moment I get VERY > tetchy>>>> What about ringing them and asking them to let you know when they next want to come - bearing in mind that you are " so busy " for the next few weeks? You can fill your calendar up even if it is with going to the park days, lazing in the garden afternoons! Tell them it would be nice to arrange it in advance, and have your calendar filled up with " busy times " until another 5 weeks. If it is set in advance you do then have the option of saying " we told you were we busy for the next X amount of weeks " . How did your afternoon go anyway? Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Jack 7, 5 and Isaac 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 << >> sadly no as we live 1 hour 15 mins away if we do see each other it is at least a afternoons worth.. I don't mind as long as we keep to the 4-6 week basis but when they are wanting every 14 days as at the moment I get VERY tetchy.. also dh works long hours and this week he has not once been home before 9 pm (leaves for work at 7am) and week before that he was away on business 3 nights so it has been very little I have seen of him lately so having some time with " just " the family was really important to me. didn't turn out that way but I have promised myself that if they ring wanting to come over week after next they are being told no way ;o) Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 << >> sadly no as we live 1 hour 15 mins away if we do see each other it is at least a afternoons worth.. I don't mind as long as we keep to the 4-6 week basis but when they are wanting every 14 days as at the moment I get VERY tetchy.. also dh works long hours and this week he has not once been home before 9 pm (leaves for work at 7am) and week before that he was away on business 3 nights so it has been very little I have seen of him lately so having some time with " just " the family was really important to me. didn't turn out that way but I have promised myself that if they ring wanting to come over week after next they are being told no way ;o) Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 << >> sadly no as we live 1 hour 15 mins away if we do see each other it is at least a afternoons worth.. I don't mind as long as we keep to the 4-6 week basis but when they are wanting every 14 days as at the moment I get VERY tetchy.. also dh works long hours and this week he has not once been home before 9 pm (leaves for work at 7am) and week before that he was away on business 3 nights so it has been very little I have seen of him lately so having some time with " just " the family was really important to me. didn't turn out that way but I have promised myself that if they ring wanting to come over week after next they are being told no way ;o) Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 How did it go Lonnie? Have they gone and are you feeling better yet? Maybe next time you can let them do some things round the house and you and DH can go out for an hour or so.... Hope it wasn't too bad. Hannah (whose PIL live in Aberdeen and can't pop in whenever they'd like, although I don't think I'd mind as they always wait for an invite!) in laws My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 How did it go Lonnie? Have they gone and are you feeling better yet? Maybe next time you can let them do some things round the house and you and DH can go out for an hour or so.... Hope it wasn't too bad. Hannah (whose PIL live in Aberdeen and can't pop in whenever they'd like, although I don't think I'd mind as they always wait for an invite!) in laws My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2001 Report Share Posted July 1, 2001 How did it go Lonnie? Have they gone and are you feeling better yet? Maybe next time you can let them do some things round the house and you and DH can go out for an hour or so.... Hope it wasn't too bad. Hannah (whose PIL live in Aberdeen and can't pop in whenever they'd like, although I don't think I'd mind as they always wait for an invite!) in laws My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Oh in-laws! Don't they bring the worse out of us?!! My in-laws live just 5 mins drive away (20 min walk). And being Greek they are very much of the 'family' mentality, come and go as you please type thing. When we first got married we did spend a LOT of time at their home, meals, watching TV which wasn't the best start for us as then they expected to always pop down and say 'hi' and we had phone calls saying 'where are you?' if we didn't see them for one day. However, at the time, we still had hardly any furniture in our home - sofa bed, small kitchen table, 3/4 chairs and a rocking chair - so it definitely was more comfortable to sit on their sofa to watch TV. I've gotten used to the daily phone calls. That still drives me nuts 'why didn't you phone today'. Aaargh. Once I got pregnant I refused to go every Sunday for lunch and since DD has been born I hardly ever go to their home - birthdays & Christmas time only (mainly because of their psychotic dog)! So they come here, but they always phone to ask and generally appear once a week or so. The one main benefit (or not, depending which way I see at the time) is that they don't speak English and I don't really speak Greek very well. I more or less understand what they say but can't respond. Which generally is good because the only time I REALLY want to respond is when they get on my nerves so maybe for diplomatic reasons it's better I can't say anything, I would only yell. Plus, if another boring story comes out I can " genuinely " not understand and DH is very at " listening " to his mother but not remembering a word she said!!!:-) My MIL thinks I'm a terrible housewife (which is true) but I don't care, the essentials are dealt with. Greeks have the cleanest / tidiest homes (it's said they are second to the Japanese for cleanliness in the home) - always dusting, cleaning, etc, etc. They only ever stay a couple of hours and I can cope with that once a week. If I don't feel like sitting with them, I just carry on and do my own things - it's not that I can chat to them or anything! And DD is entertained in the mean time. But yes, they drive me nuts over silly things and probably with my own parents (who I miss very much) I would be more tolerant. Janet Athens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Oh in-laws! Don't they bring the worse out of us?!! My in-laws live just 5 mins drive away (20 min walk). And being Greek they are very much of the 'family' mentality, come and go as you please type thing. When we first got married we did spend a LOT of time at their home, meals, watching TV which wasn't the best start for us as then they expected to always pop down and say 'hi' and we had phone calls saying 'where are you?' if we didn't see them for one day. However, at the time, we still had hardly any furniture in our home - sofa bed, small kitchen table, 3/4 chairs and a rocking chair - so it definitely was more comfortable to sit on their sofa to watch TV. I've gotten used to the daily phone calls. That still drives me nuts 'why didn't you phone today'. Aaargh. Once I got pregnant I refused to go every Sunday for lunch and since DD has been born I hardly ever go to their home - birthdays & Christmas time only (mainly because of their psychotic dog)! So they come here, but they always phone to ask and generally appear once a week or so. The one main benefit (or not, depending which way I see at the time) is that they don't speak English and I don't really speak Greek very well. I more or less understand what they say but can't respond. Which generally is good because the only time I REALLY want to respond is when they get on my nerves so maybe for diplomatic reasons it's better I can't say anything, I would only yell. Plus, if another boring story comes out I can " genuinely " not understand and DH is very at " listening " to his mother but not remembering a word she said!!!:-) My MIL thinks I'm a terrible housewife (which is true) but I don't care, the essentials are dealt with. Greeks have the cleanest / tidiest homes (it's said they are second to the Japanese for cleanliness in the home) - always dusting, cleaning, etc, etc. They only ever stay a couple of hours and I can cope with that once a week. If I don't feel like sitting with them, I just carry on and do my own things - it's not that I can chat to them or anything! And DD is entertained in the mean time. But yes, they drive me nuts over silly things and probably with my own parents (who I miss very much) I would be more tolerant. Janet Athens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Sue, you know I live in the dark ages (!) - what IS a nongram??? Ealhswith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Sue, you know I live in the dark ages (!) - what IS a nongram??? Ealhswith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Sue, you know I live in the dark ages (!) - what IS a nongram??? Ealhswith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 > > They love it when we go to my sisters, or DH's cousins - where there is mess > > *everywhere*. I kid you not, one year we stayed new years eve at the cousins > > and there was not a single square inch of floor space for us to walk on to > > get to the bed!!! I could not wait to come home.<< I have a friend with a house so messy she has to clear a tiny spot on the settee when I drop by so I can actually sit somewhere. Every available surface, chair, table, floor is covered with boxes, books, magazines etc etc and she only has one child who is at school all day! She has a cleaner once a week who does her best but really only manages actual cleaning and not tidying away. My house is a long way from spotless but I do try to keep some semblance of order. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 ROFL I'll have to try this one occasionally Todman Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5) Mum to , 3½ > I am so lazy that last night I couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher > properly, I took enough out to enable me to fit the dirty dishes in and then > set it off again! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 Lonnie, I REALLY sympathise! (although my ILs don't do this I hate my plans being upset and fully empathise with everything you've said!) But all I can offer advice wise is to lie a bit more firmly and don't answer the phone - or be truthful even more firmly! Oh, and I like Ruthie's suggestion to say no, but make another date. Good one! Anneliese and Baby Tim in laws My fil rang this morning and they suddenly want to come and visit us (they wanted to come today) this REALLY annoys me when they do as particularly this weekend we had plans for just doing family things.. If you say that to them it is like BUT WE ARE FAMILY.. and short of lying to them (by saying we are out as the one time we said friends coming over they said OH we would love to see Vaughan - and the one time we said we where going out they rang to check..) we generally have to get them over.. last time this resorted in they arrived at 2 pm and FINALLY left at 8 pm. completely screwing up the girls schedule and making it impossible for dh to spend time with them.. So trying to be smart we rang and said come for lunch (so they cant stay til the end of the day) but NO no we don't want to be to much trouble so we will come for COFFEE.. (who the H*** sets up a " proper " coffee/tea doo at 2 -3 pm anyway?? ) so now I have to sort out the house (as it cant be messy when mil is coming over) and I wont get my lie in (my turn this weekend) AND we wont get any of the stuff done that we need done.. I can feel ALL my muscles tensing up already... it just SO annoys me.. I am seriously thinking about telling them that we have a new rule that says no tv on when we have visitors as my fil spends the ENTIRE time watching sports channels (drives me NUTS) and then the girls gets upset because they cant get to watch what they would like (and they don't get why granddad can watch tv but they cant watch what they want...) Now don't get me wrong I like my in laws but I also like them to not be at our house ALL THE TIME.. and at the moment it really feels that way.. we normally see them roughly every 6-8 weeks (speak every week) but this last 8 weeks we have seen them 4 times WAY to much for me... (and it also means that our entire weekend plans are out as it is ALWAYS at the last minute) sorry had to get it off my chest.. driving me nuts and I cant even have a drink ARGH Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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