Second pregnancy-Struggling with moral issues.

March 4, 2004

Hi, I'm . My 18month old son, Tarok has been recently diagnosed

with Leigh's disease. After strugglung with moral issues around this

genetic disorder I decided to take precautions against having any

more children and look into adoption in the future. On one of my hard

to come by nights away from the hospital with his father, we got very

drunk and I'll leave the rest to imagination. I went to see the

doctor a couple days later (supposed to be within 72 hours) for a

morning after pill and future birth control prescriptions. He said

that I would get a period from the pill and I didn't. Maybe I took it

too late, maybe I didn't conceive to begin with, I have a few more

days at least before I can find out(I should be due for a period next

week). Tarok's father (we are not in a monogamous relationship) is

very supportive, but does not beleive he could handle having an other

sick child. I do not want to bring a child into the world just to

suffer, yet I do not regret having Tarok for a second, and beleive

that he enjoys life thouroughly even when he is having a hard time.

Tarok has done so much to change the lives of those around him for

the better. Because of him, I got off the street and into school, I

have gained in self confidence, I have enjoyed such sacred

experiences as pregnancy, breastfeeding, and just holding and adoring

my son. I have quit smoking, and so have his father and grandmother.

Because of Tarok's illness a long standing feud in my family has been

deminished, and my mother has been reunited with her sisters. Am I

just being selfish by wanting to have an other child of my own? Of

course I'm afraid of becoming single again after being a mother. I

can't imagine what it would be like. But I also have to beleive that

this child has a chance at a long, relatively normal life. I have

CFS, probably due to mito, but I would never go back and just not be

born, so how can I make this decision for an infant? Please tell me

if you've struggled with similar issues. I know I'm not the only one

who's considered it. I guess I just need to know I'm not alone.

Tarok's father doesn't even seem conflicted about it. I've always

been pro-choice, but never considered that my choice might someday be

abortion. I just don't know if I could go through with it.

Donovan (21, nursing student and single mother of Tarok)

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