Re: want surgery so badly..but can't talk to parents

January 27, 2004

,

Have you ever been evaluated by an orthodontist or dentist about

your class III malocclusion? If you have a true underbite and if it

cannot be corrected my orthodontics, and then I don't see how you

wanting orthognathic surgery could be for cosmetic reasons only.

If and orthodontist states that you have a condition that can only

be corrected by surgery…well, I think your parent's would

understand

your situation and you would have a great chance of your insurance

company paying for it (or at least a portion of it).

Go have a consultation with an orthodontist and just ask what he or

she thinks is the best way to correct your underbite. That's how

a

lot of us got started with this process.

Good Luck,

> Hi,

> I have been listening to you guys and getting great

suggestions

> for a while. But, I've been wanting surgery to correct my

underbite

> for many years. I'm 20, but the thing is, it would only be

cosmetic.

> I desperately want it however, as I think I have developed social

> anxiety as a result.

> The biggest hurdle, is to bring up the topic of surgery to

> correct my underbite to my parents. Especially my mom, since my

dad

> would probably agree to anything..except excessively high

> cost...hoping that empire bluecross blueshield will cover it. My

mom

> seems to get uncomfortable everytime i mention the topic..she

doesn't

> think I need it and thinks jaw surgery will result in a lot of new

> problems. I hardly mention the topic either, maybe twice in my

life,

> since I get uncomfortable as well.

> Help! I don't know how to talk about it. I feel like I'm

holding

> back a secret and I'm going to explode because of how badly I want

> the surgery. I've been diving into a serious depression. Well,

sorry

> to be blabbering, but I'd really appreciate anyone who can relate.

> Thanks, -

January 27, 2004

hey julia, you should tell your mom you have issues regarding your

bite. if i was you, i would probably make a list of pros and cons. i

can really only think of 2 cons, 1 being money, and 2 being recovery

(but it isnt really even a con). there are many pros though.. like

actually liking your face, being comfortable with yourself and around

others, also there ARE medical benfits.. if your teeth arent lined up

correctly, theyre not hitting the right places.. which isnt good for

your jaws or teeth, so thatll be problems later on in life. and if i

was you, i would ask my mom to explain what new problems she thought

would come from having the surgery.. and come to reasonable

conclusions with her about those so called " problems " . i used to get

really upset and FREAK out.. litterally.. tears, screaming everything

because i was SO scared to get my surgery.. but in reality the

surgery isnt that bad.the first week i was wondering how i could have

put myself through that, but once you get past that, everything is

cake. i wish i could have seen myself go through it before i did. its

only a small chunk of icky time out of your life, compared to the

whole thing. i think you would be a lot happier if you at least

attempted to talk with your parents by the sounds of what you wrote.

my insurance did cover my whole surgery.. which we all figured was

cosmetic as well. i had an underbite too.. and a weird ass cross bite

to make it even more attractive! i have pictures up here.. if you go

to files.. and my name is amanda. i know i liked seeing before and

afters.. i hope you can talk with your parents okay, and that your

mom will understand where you are coming from. i have always tried to

be the type like ahh i dont care what everyone else thinks about me..

but i did when i had my old bite.. i was so uncomfortable everywhere

i went, and if people were laughing at school or anywhere.. i was

always thinking how they were probably making fun of me.. so, yeah it

can drive you into gross anxiety, and depression feelings.. and now

with my new bite.. i know there isnt much on me that people can make

fun of.. so now i really dont care what people think - mainly i think

because i am so much more comfortable with myself. i would reccomend

the surgery to anyone .. i think its absolutely great. best of luck

with your mother, and keep me up to date on how things are going..

and if you need a friend, i will always be here for you.

amanda

> Hi,

> I have been listening to you guys and getting great suggestions

> for a while. But, I've been wanting surgery to correct my underbite

> for many years. I'm 20, but the thing is, it would only be

cosmetic.

> I desperately want it however, as I think I have developed social

> anxiety as a result.

> The biggest hurdle, is to bring up the topic of surgery to

> correct my underbite to my parents. Especially my mom, since my dad

> would probably agree to anything..except excessively high

> cost...hoping that empire bluecross blueshield will cover it. My

mom

> seems to get uncomfortable everytime i mention the topic..she

doesn't

> think I need it and thinks jaw surgery will result in a lot of new

> problems. I hardly mention the topic either, maybe twice in my

life,

> since I get uncomfortable as well.

> Help! I don't know how to talk about it. I feel like I'm

holding

> back a secret and I'm going to explode because of how badly I want

> the surgery. I've been diving into a serious depression. Well,

sorry

> to be blabbering, but I'd really appreciate anyone who can relate.

> Thanks, -

January 27, 2004

I was 20 years old too when the idea of surgery popped into my head.

4years later, the surgery will finally become a reality for me. My

parents who are so strict were totally against the idea but they

realized i'm 24 and still talking about the surgery everyday and see

how miserable i am each day that passes that i don't get this surgery

done. they sorta loosened up but are still furious at me for

deciding to go ahead w/surgery. i know no one will be there to help

me after the surgery but you gotta be ready for that. It's my

choice, my body, if this is what makes me happy, why not? As far as

costs go, It's going to be me and no one else. My dad has

specifically told me that he doesn't want to contribute to something

(surgery) that might kill me but it's ok, i can handle the finances

without insurance. Just be firm and don't take no for an answer, if

your looking for them to help out w/payment for surgery, that'll be

another obstacle to face and be prepared to work over-time to finance

this surgery. I understand w/how u might be feeling like u got some

social anxiety thing going, i am so self-conscious girl, i rarely go

out of the house anymore because i absolutely hate the way i look.

i'm scarred too at comments people use to say to me and still do on

occasions :'( but screw them, i'm doing this for myself.

lia

> > Hi,

> > I have been listening to you guys and getting great

suggestions

> > for a while. But, I've been wanting surgery to correct my

underbite

> > for many years. I'm 20, but the thing is, it would only be

> cosmetic.

> > I desperately want it however, as I think I have developed

social

> > anxiety as a result.

> > The biggest hurdle, is to bring up the topic of surgery to

> > correct my underbite to my parents. Especially my mom, since my

dad

> > would probably agree to anything..except excessively high

> > cost...hoping that empire bluecross blueshield will cover it. My

> mom

> > seems to get uncomfortable everytime i mention the topic..she

> doesn't

> > think I need it and thinks jaw surgery will result in a lot of

new

> > problems. I hardly mention the topic either, maybe twice in my

> life,

> > since I get uncomfortable as well.

> > Help! I don't know how to talk about it. I feel like I'm

> holding

> > back a secret and I'm going to explode because of how badly I

want

> > the surgery. I've been diving into a serious depression. Well,

> sorry

> > to be blabbering, but I'd really appreciate anyone who can

relate.

> > Thanks, -

January 28, 2004

Those are all good suggestions, , but don't count on any of them

working with a mom who is definitely, decidedly antagonistic to

surgery.

This topic has been discussed here and on site 2 many times before.

It is amazing that it happens, but it does, and you are not the

first. (It did not happen to me, because both my parents had passed

on by the time I had the surgery. I hope that it would not have,

either. But it does, and more often than you might guess.)

If you want to read what has been said before, try searches

with " Cammie and parents " or " Cammie and mother " on both sites, or

even just with " parents " or with " mother " and you'll find many posts,

I think.

What was foremost for me was that the surgery was indeed necessary to

save my teeth -- which my periodontist says it did accomplish. to put

it in her words, " Your bite was so destructive. " Pre-op, I had

pockets that were 7s and 8s. Now the deepest, if I remember right, is

a 4.

Made a huge difference, with minimal surgery.

Then you have to decide whether you are the one who will decide what

and when you need it, with the advice of your doctors, of course. I

don't mean to suggest disregarding your parents, nor being hostile to

them about it. But you may have to find your support elsewhere and

simply take what they say as an expression of their views and ignore

it otherwise. sorry to say so.

Also, ask your orthodontist and surgeon for help with this. It is a

phenomenon that I'll bet they know well, and they may be able to help

you deal with it. They may even have some ideas for persuading your

parents.

Myself, I think guilt and fear both play roles. Parents, and

especially moms, feel guilty that they have " done " this to their

children (no more than they gave them blue eyes, good minds or curly

hair, though) and fear that something awful will happen during the

surgery. I know of one instance in which something truly awful did

happen, and that was not to anyone on these boards. It was a flat out

mistake, and yes, it can happen. Even in a hospital. I know of a few,

but more, instances in which there was a relapse, and one in which a

surgeon misplaced a jaw -- twice. But I've been posting on these

boards since about 2001, had surgery in 2002, and have read a lot of

posts, and a lot about the surgery, so I'd say the docs have an

incredibly good batting average, if you'll forgive the phrase.

Of course, one thing that makes this surgery different from many is

that what it fixes is not life-threatening. So it is truly your

decision whether to do it, and a surgeon will probably tell you that.

But that does not mean that for many, the benefits do not well

outweigh the risks.

Best wishes to you,

Cammie