Re: feelings of regret??/depressed

[Guest guest]

I have just recently signed on to this group, and your question sounds

exactly like my life,social anxiety, people judging you before they know you,

I'm 35

and I am due to have upper and lower jaw surgery soon, I don't know when

though, but no, I don't feel guilty about having this done, I do sometimes get

depressed that my parents, and even my doctors when I was a kid and growing up

never bothered to to anything to help. I regret waiting this long to have this

done, and just can't wait for it to be over. I have trouble socializing with

people and also relating to people, the biggest thing that bothers me is I'm not

that bad looking and some people after I do get to know them say they can't

even tell there's a problem with my jaw, the thing that bothers me is when I

notice someone looking at me, (primarily women) I don't know if thier interested

in me or if they are fixating on my jaw and wondering what the hell the

problem is. This has been a big problem for me, I feel very self concious, and

my

self esteem is very low , and I don't have that many good friends because of

this.I think maybe I'll at least have a better sense of who I am and where I

stand when this is corrected (my jaw). Rich

[Guest guest]

I have just recently signed on to this group, and your question sounds

exactly like my life,social anxiety, people judging you before they know you,

I'm 35

and I am due to have upper and lower jaw surgery soon, I don't know when

though, but no, I don't feel guilty about having this done, I do sometimes get

depressed that my parents, and even my doctors when I was a kid and growing up

never bothered to to anything to help. I regret waiting this long to have this

done, and just can't wait for it to be over. I have trouble socializing with

people and also relating to people, the biggest thing that bothers me is I'm not

that bad looking and some people after I do get to know them say they can't

even tell there's a problem with my jaw, the thing that bothers me is when I

notice someone looking at me, (primarily women) I don't know if thier interested

in me or if they are fixating on my jaw and wondering what the hell the

problem is. This has been a big problem for me, I feel very self concious, and

my

self esteem is very low , and I don't have that many good friends because of

this.I think maybe I'll at least have a better sense of who I am and where I

stand when this is corrected (my jaw). Rich

[Guest guest]

I have just recently signed on to this group, and your question sounds

exactly like my life,social anxiety, people judging you before they know you,

I'm 35

and I am due to have upper and lower jaw surgery soon, I don't know when

though, but no, I don't feel guilty about having this done, I do sometimes get

depressed that my parents, and even my doctors when I was a kid and growing up

never bothered to to anything to help. I regret waiting this long to have this

done, and just can't wait for it to be over. I have trouble socializing with

people and also relating to people, the biggest thing that bothers me is I'm not

that bad looking and some people after I do get to know them say they can't

even tell there's a problem with my jaw, the thing that bothers me is when I

notice someone looking at me, (primarily women) I don't know if thier interested

in me or if they are fixating on my jaw and wondering what the hell the

problem is. This has been a big problem for me, I feel very self concious, and

my

self esteem is very low , and I don't have that many good friends because of

this.I think maybe I'll at least have a better sense of who I am and where I

stand when this is corrected (my jaw). Rich

[Guest guest]

Ooohhhh yes. This has happened with a lot of people. Even those who

are able to maintain their balance on the most delicate of tightwires

are sometimes troubled by that new face in the mirror.

Honey, it is nobody else's business why you're doing this. If you and

your surgeon (not to mention your ortho) agree that you need it, why

should you justify it to anybody else, with the possible exception of

your insurance carrier?

Guilty? Hell, NO! Would you feel guilty (or expect your child to) if

you had a clubbed foot, or a craniofacial problem resolved

surgically for a baby? I wouldn't. Not for one minute. This is a form

of craniofacial deformity. (sorry -- I know it takes a while to get

used to thinking of it that way!)

I believe that your body will function better when you get the

balances repaired. I'd bet that your ortho and surgeon do, as well.

Hang on to that thought.

I hate to tell you, though, but people will always judge you before

they get to know you. If you're fat (as am I) or super skinny (I

wish!) or haven't washed your hair, or wear designer clothing, or

don't, or whatever. I agree, it's a dumb way to choose your friends.

But poop happens, as the saying goes.

I can think of some really choice words for your ex. I will spare us

and everybody else that exchange. But anybody who would call someone

to try to be hateful and cruel does not deserve your consideration,

at least in my book. And if he does it again, consider whether you

need to report him, as a menace, to the police. That's a particularly

nasty kind of manipulation he's attempting, and I urge you not to put

up with it.

How about seeing a counselor? At your church, if you have one? Or at

any church, if you don't? Or at a social service agency -- here

there are mental health agencies that offer help on a sliding pay

scale, depending on what funds you have available. If none of that

can be had, talk with your GP, or the OS who seemed sympathetic, and

ask how you can find help. I'll bet it is out there.

Meantime... One other healthy thing you can do is find someone who's

in worse trouble than you are, and offer your help to that person. A

visit to a nursing home. Volunteering in a hospital, becoming

a " roaming reader " for kids in low-income day care. That will, I

promise you, take your mind off your trouble and help you think about

others who will accept you for healthier reasons than this idjut

who's trying to mistreat you!

And put whatever you want on the board. We're here, and we'll answer

if we have an answer, or not, if we don't. But this place is all

about talking things through, I believe.

Cammie

> Thanks to my friend who's studying psychology, she asked me if i

> would regret having the surgery because i would be saying " goodbye "

> to an old familiar face that i've known for the past 24 years of my

> life. Seriously now, has anybody here who's doing the surgery more

> so for appearance purposes felt guilty after the surgery?? I'm not

> going to lie, i'm doing this more so for cosmetic purposes because

> i'm tired of people judging me before they get to know me, i thought

> that nonesense would've stopped at high school,,,it didn't. I know

> that i might've developed feelings of social anxiety disorder as a

> result of this, like i think people are judging me and laughing at

me

> and 60% of the time, i'm right *sigh* I refuse to date any guy

> because of my insecurities about my jaw and how i was devastated

when

> my ex out of the blue just contacted me days after new year's and

> called me a very upsetting word that isn't a curse word but is a

very

> negative adjective. I told my 2 OSs some horror tales and the one

> got all teary eyed, (a guy!!) too. I just hope I can overcome all

> this emotional pain because i'm been through too much in my young

> life already not refering to what i put up and it's all just

> overwhelming sometimes. Sorry to put this on the board,,,i'm too

> embarrased to tell my friends this but since nobody here knows me,

at

> least i got this off my chest ) lia