TOP 8 MORONS OF 2003 OT

[Guest guest]

TOP 8 MORONS OF 2003

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President Walter

after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26

million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two

hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.

After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was

standing beside them in the police line, shouting, " Please come out and give

yourself up. "

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a

motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,

wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for

all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he

tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until

police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery

suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked

each man in the lineup to repeat the words: " Give me all your money or I'll

shoot " , the man shouted, " that's not what I said! " .

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: " My wife

is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart " . " Is this her

first child? " the doctor asked. " No! " the man shouted, " This is her husband! "

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, King

was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.

King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to

keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the

high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were

having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand

new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no

matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it

go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to

tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in

perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down,

and

the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys

jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was

laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving

safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid

in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly

proclaiming -- " WOW--What a Ride! "