A Cup of Courage

[Guest guest]

Helen, I know you and I have chatted offlist about this, but thought it

might be useful to talk about this emotional side to our eating that

some of us have to deal with with our fellow bandsters. I too as you

know come from an abusive home (emotional) and was not allowed to talk

about the problems openly, nor was there anyone I felt I could tell. So

like many of us I suspect, all that hurt and fear and pain went to

eating. I didn't become obese until 1991 when I became very inactive for

a number of reasons, but nevertheless, food was always my comfort.

As I also mentioned to you, I too eventually brought things out into the

open and boy, talk about upset the apple cart. My family was very, very

angry with me and I was seen in very negative terms. Little to no

support, but like you Helen I couldn't live with it anymore and getting

it all out in the open seemed like the lesser of two evils. I was the

one not sleeping at nights, who had knots in my stomach all the time,

suffered from depression and anxiety attacks, etc. It was so tough to do

anything about it but I did, and while life doesn't instantly resolve

into wonderful sunny, fun-filled days my emotional well-being finally

began an upward turn. It is truly an awful feeling to be abandoned by

your family, but at the same time you make a most powerful inner

statement when you act on your own behalf as you have. And the good news

is is that stays with you for life. It is your internal declaration of

independence if you will and judging by my own experience, it doesn't

fade and can't be taken away either.

It has taken a long time, but I actually do have an OK relationship with

my parents now (although my brother and I haven't spoken in 6 or 7 years

and believe me I've tried), which is more than I thought I would ever

have. And like your mom's reaction, I too was evil incarnate for awhile

and definitely personna non grata to my family. It is a shattering

feeling when you " go up against your family " I know. All I can say is

that for me while it was really, really tough, it was definitely worth

it. And while I know you feel fragile, I doubt you will shatter. It took

too much strength to do what you did and like I said above, it sends a

" power surge " if you will to your innermost self (just might not feel

that way yet!).

Anyway, bringing this back to obesity, WLS, and emotions/genetics, for

me I have done so much work on that emotional side of things, now it's

time to get some help for whatever that genetics side of things has

managed to do to make it imposible for me to deal with this

behaviourally. You've taken care of that side and are now working on the

emotional component and again I say bravo!

Lori

PS - For my fellow bandsters, this might be a good opportunity for me to

say I'm glad to be back on the list. I unsubbed there for awhile because

the feeling of not being heard is so very hard for me to deal with as

you can imagine from the above. But I'm glad to be back and get so much

out of this list that I'm willing to try and grow a slightly thicker

skin in that regard! I'm with Helen though, any gentleness is greatly

appreciated!!!