Male/Female Older/Younger - Docs That Is ! ? ! ?

[Guest guest]

I have also had some thoughts about male and female, older and younger docs.

They’re just thoughts really – and certainly don’t apply across the board

to ALL docs. First and foremost a good doc is a good doc – regardless of age

or gender. I’ve had young and old, male and female. Age and gender are not

determining factors for me - but still I think about them.

In my case it was a woman who left me bleeding and miserable for years

telling me that was just part of “getting older.” It was a man who

immediately recognized the problem and corrected it the following day.

But still if we’re going to speculate, here are some of my thoughts on the

subject – – for whatever they’re worth:

1. In my opinion, women, unfortunately, still have to be twice as good in

order to get half as much credit. I think a lot of women – even women in

gynecology – are still trying their darndest to “keep up with the boys” -

to prove (within the medical system) that they are at least as good as the

men are. Sometimes, that makes their attitudes and services more “male”

than the male docs -- or so it seems to me.

We would all like to believe that women are going to be more like us

emotionally and intellectually because they have the same gender bodies we

do – the same hormones coursing through their bodies - but I think they

often lack a feminine attitude – they are trying too strenuously to be

hard-nosed “scientists.” To me, it’s attitude that counts. Compassion

trumps hormones.

2. I agree that older docs can SOMETIMES be more accommodating. I suspect

that part of the reason for this is that they’ve finished “climbing,” –

They’ve achieved a lot in their professional lives, they aren’t worried any

longer about proving themselves to their superiors, or anyone else. Thus,

they are able to be more independent -- or at least they don’t feel as

compelled by what they believe someone else (in the profession) thinks of

their doings. In other words, they are very comfortable in their role & in

their profession. All of which helps make them more willing to bend to the

patients’ preferences. --- and to some extent, age mellows many of us –

including docs I believe. We have to be sure they've kept up-to-date - but

if they have, they're WAY more experienced!

3. For those of us approaching menopause I think there are cases where

younger docs actually DO perceive us as old, dried up and just about

useless. We are after all, the age of their parents – and we all know what

many 20 and 30-somethings think of their parents! (How many times in life

have I said “don’t ask me, I’m just the stupid mother?” And, I admit, I’ve

seen young docs who made me want to ask whether their mother knows where

they are and what they’re doing). When docs say to me “at your age . . .,”

I want to look over my shoulder and see who the heck it is they’re talking

to anyway, but I always take that as a clue to what they think about me . .

...

A doc who is closer to our own ages just might do better at recognizing how

youthful, vibrant and full of life a person of 50 (or more) can be, how what

you think and feel is not particularly different from when you were 20.

They know better what it feels like to be that age & why such a person

might not view herself or her organs as “no longer necessary.” It’s not

pretty to have your docs telling you you’re old or fat or useless, or

whatever – and docs who are older themselves probably are more sensitive to

this. (I have mentioned to one doc who told me I needed to lose weight,

that she needed to grow a few inches. – I think that displeased her, but

hopefully she learned something from it.)

4. On the other hand, I find it much easier to TELL younger docs exactly

what I am and am not willing to do/put up with, etc. I can respect their

training and abilities without accepting their perspective much more easily

when they are the about the age of my own son – after all I’ve been telling

people in that age range what to do for years and years.

Nothing scientific about any of this -- just some ideas that I found

wanderingi about in my head.

Pat

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