Kommentary: Komprehending the Kubby Kunundrum (OT)

[Guest guest]

Dear Fibroidal Friends:

Why do you think Kubby (i.e., Ku's Hubby = " Kubby " ) still has a following on

this Uterine Fibroid list?

It's a kurious konundrum.

Kould it be his (*charming*) inability to grasp even the most basic

information about medical conditions.... like fibroids and anemia?

Is it his endearingly simplistic solutions to ALL problems--health and

otherwise?

Or..... do we perhaps --deep down-- identify with his fears (i.e., the

possibility of sneaky Texas squid overtaking his Midwestern home) and paranoia

(i.e., those chilling stories of deer who all " conspire " to run in front of his

car--as well as those vindictive bees who plot to overtake him when he steps

outdoors to do yard work.)

It IS kwite konfusing....but my guess about Kubby's " appeal " on this list is

something more basic. I believe Kubby has (unwittingly) become the symbol for

much of what irks us women about the opposite sex.

It's that damn Y chromosome--the one that separates us women from the our

male counterparts. Kubby seems to have an " overly expressed " Y chromosome, and

by virtue of that, I say he deserves to be studied--- not punished!!!

For the sole purpose of advancing scientific understanding, I propose that we

" volunteer " Kubby as a human subject in a single-person study at the

National Human Genome Research Institute. (Gosh, I hope TX Genes is reading

this.)

Why..... the Human Genome Research Institute, you may ask?

Well, for starters......I think Kubby has some very unusual " DNA " --and by

" DNA " , I, of course mean................... his legendary " Doughnut Needing

Appetite. "

Yes, *THAT* DNA!!!

When a man chooses to go get a Krispy Kreme chocolate cruller over being at

his wife's bedside after her myomectomy, he needs to have his " DNA " checked.

- Roma

In a message dated 5/24/2004 9:34:38 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

kukalaka@... writes:

Hi Sunny,

Well... hope springs eternal. Kubby...behave, you're fishing for miracles.

(Kubby is my hubby for those who do not know).

Roma, whom we all love and respect has tried to help out Kubby. Recently,

Roma suggested that since traditional therapy had failed with Kubby (big

surprise

here) that maybe electric shock therapy (the old fashioned kind with real

electricity) or intervention therapy (with fibrodians assisting with Kubby in a

small locked room with a light source like a flash light) might prove more

successful with Kubby since she felt Kubby wasn't intuitive enough for more

traditional therapy.

So I suggested Roma's therapy ideas to Kubby. He said he would prefer the

electric shock over the intervention therapy with the fibroidians. So I had

hope.

He began to ask questions about where Roma lived (he thinks she's out to get

him). He wants to avoid Roma's state. I told him that Roma only had his best

interest at heart and was only trying to help him and that he shouldn't let his

paranoia override his intellect. He did after all have a therapy preference.

The problem was that he never did anything about it.

So I called him into the hall and asked him to remove the night light from

the socket. Kubby did this with no problem and took a big interest in the socket

(we all know how he likes to " fix " things). So I told Kubby to wet his

finger. He put his finger in his mouth and wet it while bent down over the

socket.

So I told him to put his finger in the socket and we'd call this electro shock

therapy #1. He just gave me a look and never went through with his therapy.

You can't help those who won't help themselves.

So then I got a idea watching the nightly KC news. They were using tasers on

a guy who was shot in the head. I said to myself this is sorta like electric

shock therapy and it didn't kill the guy on TV. So I told Kubby I was going to

order a taser from ebay to use for his new form of electric shock therapy.

After all, he is in desperate need of help and that calls for desperate

measures.

He pointed his finger at me and said you'd better not taser me. I told him it

was for his own good and he'd thank me later. He said sooner or later he'd be

able to get up. I said I knew this his fear of getting better talking and

besides that was what the mace I got off ebay was for. To calm him after his

taser therapy. What can I say, Kubby just will not help himself. I suggested the

intervention therapy again (I believe in choices) but he said he'd flee the

state if any cranky fibroidians showed up here.

So I was watching the movie Anger Management on TV and Buddy the therapist

gave me a new therapy idea (and they say TV isn't educational). He said cooking

was relaxing and therapeutic. Now it doesn't work for me like this but who

knows about Kubby. So I told Kubby that he needed to do all the cooking because

cooking was relaxing and therapeutic. So when he came home from work, I asked

him " what's for dinner " . First he protested saying he worked all day blah blah

blah. I told him that he was going to do it if he wanted to eat. So Kubby

actually started dinner. I thought this is great, no cooking for me and Kubby is

getting much needed therapy.

Well... the problem is that Kubby can't cook but he thinks he can. Kubby

cooks all meat the same way. Black and hard on the outside and raw in the

middle.

The rest of the food he burns. But he can heat up things from a can really

well. He can make grilled cheese and other sandwhiches. He tried to make

cornbread. It was soooo hard you could chip a tooth on it. I told Kubby he could

build

a house with his cornbread and refused to eat it. He said it was OK and to

prove it, he would eat it. He ate a few bites before admitting failure. Later he

complained that he had a belly ache that felt like he ate rocks and I told

him that he had eaten rocks. But I figured hey, I'm not cooking and he's got to

get better. He seems to be actually be liking it. I began supervising meals

and Kubby was improving. Well... today he cooks a big lunch. He actually manages

to cook the meat where it's not black and raw. The veggies look OK. I think,

he's getting better at this. Kubby peppers the veggies without

my knowledge. I'm allergic to pepper. So my esophagus begins to swell, my

eyes are watering and my sinuses are running down the back of my throat. The

food

is part way down but it can't go down anymore. It's getting where I can't

breath and I start to throw up. Kubby just sits in the next room eating and

watching TV. I'm having big problems breathing and I'm beginning to think that I

need to dial 911, I kid you not. I guess I threw up enough that I could finally

breath. My chest felt like it was on fire. I drank some water and then took

some Mylanta to try and coat my poor esophagus. I go into the room where Kubby

is and he asks me " is there anything wrong " . So I say that I was throwing up

and couldn't breath, did he put pepper on any of the food? Well yes he did.

He'll use less next time. I yelled at him that he'll use no pepper on any food

at

any time.

You know what this means, (I know Roma, you won't approve but remember that I

sit here with a very sore chest) it's time for revenge. I think Kubby needs a

bowel prep. The nice lemon flavored kind mixed in his lemonade. He'll have

plenty of time to think while he's in the bathroom - toilet therapy - a sort of

time out. I know, I know there are positives to Kubby's cooking. Like losing

weight (I kid you not, I am losing weight but Kubby isn't) and hummmmmm I'm

trying to think... you appreciate going out to eat... new building materials...

ohhhh he washes the dishes when he's done... no one wants to eat at your house

so you get to go out with other people to eat... not a lot of positives but

some. I wasn't supervising today. So cooking therapy will continue under proper

supervision and Kubby will have a " toilet time out " to think about the

consequences of his cooking.

I can tell you about Kubby's new business idea... but it will have to wait.

Right now I need more Mylanta.

Ku

sun2dae sun2dae@...> wrote:

Kukulaka--

Kubby is back on the list!! Do we welcome him or tell him to go play

with the killer deer? I, for one, enjoyed your Kubby stories

immensely and am glad to see you are once again telling tales on him.

I hope he is behaving himself.

Sunny