How do you respond to hyst pressure?

[Guest guest]

I am barely symptomatmic, but do have a 16-wk-size uterus, urinary

frequency mostly at bedtime and more some days than others, and

heavier bleeding (mostly days 2 & 3, but no more than changing one

super tampon every 3 hours at worst). No pain. Minimal symptoms. I'm

resisting three gyn surgeon's opinions to have a hyst for more than

one reason. I'm researching all options at this point.

My question is, how do YOU do with people who exert minimal to

maximum pressure, suggestions, etc., for you to have a hysterectomy?

I'm talking about co-workers, friends, acquaintances, etc. I'm at

the point where I refuse to even bring it up anymore and feel like a

fool that I ever told one person! The things I have heard from women

who seem to think their uterus is more disposable than a paper

plate! Don't get me wrong, I know for many that a hyst is the last

resort and may well become unavoidable, particularly in the sad event

one has cancer, certainly unavoidable. These women DID have a choice

and chose to " take it out and get over all those problems " or " get

rid of my period once and for all. " You must KNOW all the remarks!

My husband, who has often heard them, too, now is convinced that the

majority of women are glad they had their hyst and now are living the

joyful life! DH told me today that " If there are so many women

dissatisfied with their hysts out there, why aren't we hearing more

about it? Why isn't it a big thing? " I told him that I thought women

were finally speaking up and that I believed the majority

of " contemporary women " are definitely not chosing hysterectomy until

it is considered the last resort.

What do I say to these people? The latest was an extremely well-

meaning church member who serves the church like an angel. She

wanted me to go to a weekend conference. I explained that due to two

health problems (severe migraines and bleeding issues/fibroids) I

could not. She then told me about her hysterectomy and went on about

how well she is now and fully serving the church. You can imagine

how " little " I felt at this point, although I know this was not her

intent.

How do you all cope? Not discuss it with acquaintances? If they do

say certain inappropriate things, how do you respond briefly? I hate

to get into length about this all the time, but would appreciate

knowing how you react to this primitive pressure to have a hyst.

Thanks!

Meg

[Guest guest]

Hi,

If it isn't broke, don't fix it. If you can live with your symptoms, then do. I

wouldn't wait and see on a fibroid that was causing heavy bleeding, you could

possibly only need a resection. Otherwise, do what's right for you. Be aware

that fibroids don't improve, they just get worse. You may be near enough

menopause to get relief.

You have many options. If you don't want a hyst - don't get one! I was told

hysts by 3 docs. Later found out they couldn't do a myo. They didn't know what a

UAE was (I couldn't get one). I found a RE out of state and had a myo. I had NO

choice. I was slowly bleeding to death.

A lot of women have problems after hysts. They say they bring them up to their

docs and just get told their problems are unrelated (when they are). Sometimes

it takes a while for the problems to show up. Sometimes women don't see it as a

hyst related problem. Other times they don't care (they don't care to have sex

so it doesn't bother them if they have sex problems from their hyst). Some are

embarrassed to talk about their problems related to hyst. A hyst could be better

than some of their symptoms they had before a hyst and new problems haven't

showed up yet. Or mom and sis had hysts and never said anything negative so why

not me. Some women don't want to make the decision and say the doc knows more

than they do. The ever popular " It's in your head " , it has nothing to do with

your hyst. So you have many reasons why women might report positive reactions to

hysts that are off base.

My ultrasound tech (was very young) said she wouldn't mind a hyst just to get

rid of her period! Grrrrrr! You can have a ablation for that. Ignorance! Pure

ignorance. This is what your dealing with. Tell yourself this. Also, three

people would want to educated and most want to ignore this " uterus " problem. I

know I never heard of fibroids before I was told I had one. I've met several

nurses who didn't know what they were. One doc in training who never heard of

them. She was asking my symptoms and then said her aunt was having the same

problems. This ignorance is rampant even among medical people.

My husband " Kubby " was much like your husband. The just get it " fixed " response.

Docs know more than me, why was I questioning them anyways. I think all he heard

was " tumor " and convinced himself that I had cancer and was going to die.

Well... maybe from the anemia according to the ER doc who had Kubby backed up

against the wall screaming at him. This did seem to get his attention. I told

him that if he thought I was this sick, he didn't treat me that well. Not all

husbands and/or boyfriends are supportive. Some even bail. I think mine was

waiting to collect my life insurance . You shouldn't have a hyst

because it's inconveniencing your hubby\boyfriend\friends\family. It's your

body!!! My Dad thought anemia could be cured with 1 tiny " magic " pill. He still

thinks this. I'm not totally sure that Kubby would have drove me to my out of

state doc if they didn't have Krispy Creame donuts and Waffle House. But this is

a man who's afraid vacationing sharks from Hawaii and of

Giant Squid now lurking off the Texas coast. Yes, he wanted me to contact and

ask TX about the Giant Squid problem.

My point is... that you may NEVER reach family, friends or your husband and have

them understand and support you. I didn't. But you have the wonderful women here

that will support you. This is what got me through.

Otherwise, education is your best weapon.

Remember, we are here for YOU.

Ku

abtan2 galations522@...> wrote:

How do you all cope? Not discuss it with acquaintances? If they do

say certain inappropriate things, how do you respond briefly? I hate

to get into length about this all the time, but would appreciate

knowing how you react to this primitive pressure to have a hyst.

[Guest guest]

As far as what to tell your husband: Tell him that some women lose

their libido and/or ability to experience orgasm after hysterectomy

and you certainly don't want to jeopardize your sex life with him.

That should keep him from jumping on the hysterectomy bandwagon.

> My husband, who has often heard them, too, now is convinced that

> the majority of women are glad they had their hyst and now are living

> the joyful life! DH told me today that " If there are so many women

> dissatisfied with their hysts out there, why aren't we hearing more

> about it? Why isn't it a big thing? " I told him that I thought

> women were finally speaking up and that I believed the majority

> of " contemporary women " are definitely not chosing hysterectomy

> until it is considered the last resort.

[Guest guest]

That must be horrible! I didn't have that problem myself as I aready

knew I'd be having a myomectomy before most people were told. My

gynaecologist recommended a myo and the GP wouldn't have said hyst

either. The only message I got from anyone was that I was reading up

too much. As well as being useful to look things up, it's also very

interesting. I'm in my mid thirties, which also hade it less likely

that people would think I needed a hsyterectomy.

On the subject of the gynaecologist's recommendations . . .

I don't really know how big that is. I know that periodically we see

posts here from women who have found it necessary to see 3 or 4

gynaecologists because the first 1 or 2 were rubbish, or not

supportive of them going for a treatment they were a good candidate

for. They said they were glad they hunted around. I guess that even

if the last gynaecologist you see says the same thing, at least

you'll know you tried one more time. Finding out what the former

gynaecologist's arguments against other options are in your case

would be very useful to see what the next gynaecologist makes of

their points. Have you tried any of the names recommended on this

forum as myo specialists? Where are you based again?

I guess it's just very bad luck or very bad regions. Some Fibroid

books and forum posts will be helpful for estimating what sizes are

hardest to do without a hysterectomy, but no doubt there are other

factors besides size. I saw a post this week that referred to the

source of the blood supply to a particular fibroid. Don't forget to

look at Smartgroups UK, The Fibroid Place and other forums for

ideas.

I think it's good that you are doing this research and talking to

people to establish the truth about risks and treatments, because

I've seen it make so much of a difference to women on this forum who

got a well performed myo, retaining fertility as a result of

switching gynaecologists.

Remember as well that some women will need the hysterectomy for

safety reasons in their particular case. Even though it's far fewer

than are given hysterectomies. It depends on the type of reasons

you're being given.

Well, firstly you're going to want to keep these people as friends

and if you have surgery, they'll be wishing you well and helping you

out. You've got to try not to let their annoying ways damage your

friendships. The best way to do that is to stop them saying it

anymore.

* You could blind them with science! That could be quite amusing.

Use lots of medical words of several syllables. You may not even

need to use the word hysterectomy at all! That'll possibly shut them

up by showing that you know more than they do about it.

* Happen to be talking to someone else after Church or when ever the

culprits are most liekly to broach the subjects. Watch out for the

directions conversations are taking and subtly steer them in other

directions.

* You could say I've decided not discuss it at work/Church/etc.

anymore, so they know it's not a topic you're happy about. If they

plague you because they want to know the reasons, simply say briefly

in a friendly sentence that doesn't invite responses. You don't want

to permanently put anyone's nose out of joint.

* Tell them you have a doctor's appointment and there is no new news

at present. You'll let them know when things are finally rwesolved

in regard to hospital dates. Then change the subject or wander off.

* You could happen to mention in conversation that a lot of people

are bugging you with their opinions on operations, in such a way as

to imply it's elsewhere and not present copmpany at all.

* You could say at this stage you want to discuss it with doctors

further and wait for them to tell you where you stand. You'd rather

not talk it over with friends until that's resolved.

* You could say you're embarrassed discussing it, or that you 'don't

want to bore them discussing helth issues' as a way of closing dowwn

the convcersation.

* This'll work - Ask them about THIER health on an entirely

different health subject. Pick on someone most likely to take the

conversation focus away from you. People usually like talking about

themselves. Holidays and neices and nephews are other good diversion

topics.

* Have a single conversation with your other half or very best

friend that let's them know how you feel and how you appreciate

where they're coming from, but that will get them off your back!

These women may be justifying their own life decisions in the

process of justifying them to you. By telling them there are other

choices they may feel upset, wondering if they could have had

something else, especially if they might have wanted another child.

Aztek

[Guest guest]

Also point out the risk of prolapse, risk of incontinance, increased

risk for heart disease, increase risk for thyroid cancer, etc. and

tell him he's best get on your side on the issue and pronto! He's

supposed to be supportive of what YOU want to do, not what everyone

thinks you should do.....

Gerri

In uterinefibroids , " terricecile "

wrote:

> As far as what to tell your husband: Tell him that some women

lose

> their libido and/or ability to experience orgasm after

hysterectomy

> and you certainly don't want to jeopardize your sex life with

him.

> That should keep him from jumping on the hysterectomy bandwagon.

>

>

> > My husband, who has often heard them, too, now is convinced that

> > the majority of women are glad they had their hyst and now are

living

> > the joyful life! DH told me today that " If there are so many

women

> > dissatisfied with their hysts out there, why aren't we hearing

more

> > about it? Why isn't it a big thing? " I told him that I thought

> > women were finally speaking up and that I believed the majority

> > of " contemporary women " are definitely not chosing hysterectomy

> > until it is considered the last resort.

[Guest guest]

I thought of a Twilight Zone episode in which there is nowhere you can

hide. " They " will capture you, and a doctor will perform a hyst on you.

And at the end all of the women happily walk around with a hyst

operation.

Some women -people - identify themselves with what they believe. I

remember a bizarre story of two women, complete strangers, had a fist

fight in an airport restroom because one believed that the toilet paper

should be faced outward. The other didn't. So I agree with Aztek that

you may want to keep the subject away from fibroid issue when talking to

people like that Church Lady.

As for your husband, it could be that he just doesn't want you to be

miserable anymore, and by doing that ended up forcing a wrong choice on

you.

What these people do not and will not understand is that hyst is just

one of the options. Women should be making their own decision about

their own body. If others truly care, they should respect that and not

try to impose their own choice on others.

Meg, it's not what these people think that matters. It's what you know

and believe and how you handle these people, that matters.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

I thought of a Twilight Zone episode in which there is nowhere you can

hide. " They " will capture you, and a doctor will perform a hyst on you.

And at the end all of the women happily walk around with a hyst

operation.

Some women -people - identify themselves with what they believe. I

remember a bizarre story of two women, complete strangers, had a fist

fight in an airport restroom because one believed that the toilet paper

should be faced outward. The other didn't. So I agree with Aztek that

you may want to keep the subject away from fibroid issue when talking to

people like that Church Lady.

As for your husband, it could be that he just doesn't want you to be

miserable anymore, and by doing that ended up forcing a wrong choice on

you.

What these people do not and will not understand is that hyst is just

one of the options. Women should be making their own decision about

their own body. If others truly care, they should respect that and not

try to impose their own choice on others.

Meg, it's not what these people think that matters. It's what you know

and believe and how you handle these people, that matters.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

I thought of a Twilight Zone episode in which there is nowhere you can

hide. " They " will capture you, and a doctor will perform a hyst on you.

And at the end all of the women happily walk around with a hyst

operation.

Some women -people - identify themselves with what they believe. I

remember a bizarre story of two women, complete strangers, had a fist

fight in an airport restroom because one believed that the toilet paper

should be faced outward. The other didn't. So I agree with Aztek that

you may want to keep the subject away from fibroid issue when talking to

people like that Church Lady.

As for your husband, it could be that he just doesn't want you to be

miserable anymore, and by doing that ended up forcing a wrong choice on

you.

What these people do not and will not understand is that hyst is just

one of the options. Women should be making their own decision about

their own body. If others truly care, they should respect that and not

try to impose their own choice on others.

Meg, it's not what these people think that matters. It's what you know

and believe and how you handle these people, that matters.

Jackie