Re: Kommentary: Komprehending the Kubby Kunundrum (OT)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/24/2004 7:26:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time, ARomaWithAView

writes:

> Well, for starters......I think Kubby has some very unusual " DNA " --and by

> " DNA " , I, of course mean................... his legendary

> " Doughnut Needing

> Appetite. "

Roma/Ku,

I think I know what the study would show...linkage disequilibrium of *Doughnut

Needing Appetite* with *fear of killer deer* and *fear of killer bees*....And,

it hasn't it already been documented that he has the gene for fear of killer

deer? Can you get us a good swab from his mouth?

Ku, are you allergic to bee pollen? Maybe you should replace the pepper shakers

with shakers of bee pollen?

;-)

[Guest guest]

Hi Ro,

GOOD ONE! Very good!

Maybe if they studied Kubby, they'd find out what is wrong with him and " fix "

him. But I have a bad feeling that this would take a very long time. Kubby could

die of old age before they could finish.

You gotta remember, we're not dealing with a " normal " person in any sense of the

word.

Kubby decided the best way to avoid the vacationing Hawaiian sharks and sneaky

squid would be to buy a house near the coast (where he could look at the water

at a distance) with a swimming pool. Then he got to worrying about big waves

getting salt water in his pool. I'm not kidding. So he kept talking about waves

(day after day) and what to do. So I asked him if he realized how big of a wave

it would take to get salt water in his imaginary pool? And wouldn't he'd miss

the house that would surly be gone if such a wave hit? We're talking giant

Tsunamis waves off the coast of TX! I'm sure they are all worried about it in

TX. You know they have Tsunamis wave warnings on the news there. Later, Kubby

says he's given up the pool idea due to the unknowns about big waves. But he

isn't planning on getting into the Gulf water. But he has to live near it. He'll

call me all through the day about this stuff.

Kubby is a lot like the character " Carl " in the movie Sling Blade. Which is a

really good movie. Kubby isn't as much as a " people person " as Carl is in the

movie. Carl is good with small motors and Kubby is good with big machines. Kubby

is some kind of " idiot savant " . Another reason to study him.

Now Roma, you said that I shouldn't divorce Kubby, that another innocent woman

might get stuck with him. How many deaf, blind, mute women do you think they are

out there? Women don't take to Kubby. Most women tell me I should divorce him

after meeting him. So, he won't get one with his personality.

Looks... hummmmm... that bald ape look isn't in. Dress, yes, got to talk about

this. Kubby will ask if we need to go out because he'll need to take a bath and

clean up. This is good, he's clean. But then he'll dress. Pants with stains on

the butt where it looks like he pooped in them. Then a shirt with stains down

the front where he spills food (I call them vomit shirts) and for shoes... old

falling apart house slippers. Nothing matches in color. We couldn't have that.

So I'll ask him why is he wearing this particular outfit instead of something

nice. Apparently, he has to keep his nice clothes nice by not wearing them so

they keep looking good hanging in his closet. By the time

he would wear them, they'd be out of style. Yes, he has plenty of good clothes

and shoes. So he won't impress anyone with his " style " of dress. He does get a

lot of stares though. I just don't think that there's a lot of women looking for

a donut eating bald ape wearing ugly clothes with a bad personality. At least, I

hope not!

But he is trying to learn how to cook. His cooking is so bad that my brother

came to our house and cooked dinner to show Kubby how to cook. It just didn't

help much. The family wants to avoid eating his cooking. I figure they're

desperate and sent my brother to " help " . I told you Kubby likes to cook. But I

am losing weight on the " Kubby diet " , not a lot of choice. He will vacuum, I

don't mind this. Laundry, I don't let Kubby touch my clothes. My jeans end up

fitting a Barbie doll after he's done with them and my other clothes change all

colors. I even made him pay me for my jeans he was shrinking. This did stop him

from doing them. Telling him to leave them alone didn't work. I do my clothes.

He can do towels (I buy all the same color so he isn't confused) and sheets and

his own clothes. He can chase (he's a little slow) and kill bugs. OK, OK

sometimes the bugs chase and sting him but that can be amusing.

I'm all for studying Kubby if it gets him out of the house and can help others

too. I hope there's not a lot of " others " like him. It's already a scary world

we live in. I would enjoy the peace and quiet of him being away. Therapy isn't

working so far, none of the therapies are working. If only... he'd give the

electric shock therapy a try. But his paranoia about you being out to get him

keeps getting in the way. I have figured out how to get Kubby uninterested in a

certain state. I can just tell him Roma lives in that state and he won't go.

Oh yes, Kubby touched the baby bunny that lives by our front door. He was so

very proud of himself. I touched it, I touched it! A breakthrough! At least

until he gets bit and he will get bit. It's just a matter of time. Then I'll

hear about the killer midget bunnies, over and over and over again. They may be

little but they're fast and mean, I can hear it now!

Ku

ARomaWithAView@... wrote:

Dear Fibroidal Friends:

Why do you think Kubby (i.e., Ku's Hubby = " Kubby " ) still has a following on

this Uterine Fibroid list?

It's a kurious konundrum.

Kould it be his (*charming*) inability to grasp even the most basic

information about medical conditions.... like fibroids and anemia?

Is it his endearingly simplistic solutions to ALL problems--health and

otherwise?

Or..... do we perhaps --deep down-- identify with his fears (i.e., the

possibility of sneaky Texas squid overtaking his Midwestern home) and paranoia

(i.e., those chilling stories of deer who all " conspire " to run in front of his

car--as well as those vindictive bees who plot to overtake him when he steps

outdoors to do yard work.)

It IS kwite konfusing....but my guess about Kubby's " appeal " on this list is

something more basic. I believe Kubby has (unwittingly) become the symbol for

much of what irks us women about the opposite sex.

It's that damn Y chromosome--the one that separates us women from the our

male counterparts. Kubby seems to have an " overly expressed " Y chromosome, and

by virtue of that, I say he deserves to be studied--- not punished!!!

For the sole purpose of advancing scientific understanding, I propose that we

" volunteer " Kubby as a human subject in a single-person study at the

National Human Genome Research Institute. (Gosh, I hope TX Genes is reading

this.)

Why..... the Human Genome Research Institute, you may ask?

Well, for starters......I think Kubby has some very unusual " DNA " --and by

" DNA " , I, of course mean................... his legendary " Doughnut Needing

Appetite. "

Yes, *THAT* DNA!!!

When a man chooses to go get a Krispy Kreme chocolate cruller over being at

his wife's bedside after her myomectomy, he needs to have his " DNA " checked.

- Roma