Guest guest Posted December 27, 2004 Report Share Posted December 27, 2004 Barbara, I wish it was that easy.....But, Gene never finished High School, doesn't have a High School Diploma OR a GED. And not having either of them means he only gets Crappy jobs that really has no benefits. Right now I am getting State Medicaid.....but if he gets a job where he makes more than $500 a month, I lose my Medicaid. And if I lose it, I would some how have to come up with $1800 a month for my medicines. There is NO WAY possible in hell that we could come up with that much a month. And, even if I switched my medications, so that I could take cheaper ones, we still couldn't afford them. I figured it up, and if I switched medications, it would still cost me right around $600 a month. And we still couldn't afford that. So, either way, I'd be screwed. I would really LOVE it if Gene would go and get a job. Then he'd be out of my hair for 8-10 hours a day. But, then again, I would have to look at it from the other point of view.....if he did go to work, I would be unable to walk out of my house by myself to go anywhere, on those days that the RSD and Fibro flares up and I'm unable to get out of bed, I'd still have to figure out how I would get up and get the girls on their buses, and then get Petey up......then get down the steps again to go and get Crystal off the bus....which, most of the time she's asleep when she gets home and when I'm in a flare, carrying a 33 lb sleeping child is impossible. I have realized that I depend on Gene a lot more than I have ever thought. Especially when it comes to taking care of the kids. He's the one that gets up with them in the mornings and gets them ready for school and on the bus. He's the one that gets Crystal off the bus. He does a lot of the cooking, most of the cleaning and laundry. PLUS he does all of the farm work. PLUS he takes care of his Mother, Nephew, Cuts up Iron and helps his Sister load it into our truck, drives 14 miles to this place that buys scrap iron/metal, they unload it and split the money 3 ways just so that we and his mother has a little bit of money in our pockets until its time to pay the bills And, when he's not cutting up Metal, he's out in the Timber cutting up Wood for our wood stoves for heat. Neither us nor nis sister has a furnace. Well.....his sister does, but she refuses to pay her past propane bill, so she can't get any propane. So, each house goes thru 2-3 pickup loads of wood a week, more if its really cold and snowing. Less if its warmer during the day time. Gene's life would be so much easier if I wasn't in it. He would be able to work, he would have money, less stress, more fun. Even if he had all 3 kids, he'd be better off without me. All I am to him is a huge rock on his back that he doesn't need. Thats why I keep telling him that he'd be better off without me. And, that is why he's got every sharp knife in the house put up out of my reach and sight. Because he knows that I'll try to take care of the problem and end the misery. With me gone, he'd be able to go and get a good job, the kids would be happier because I wouldn't be around to yell at them all the time, they would get everything they want because their daddy gives it to them anyways, my Sister in law would get her wish and would be able to raise 2 little girls that she couldn't have......the works. Tonia -------Original Message------- Tonia - I saw the note that you've been feeling depressed and I'm sorry to hear that. What it Gene got a job that also offered health insurance? That way you'd have financial security and health coverage. Just a thought. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 TONIA IF YOU WERENT THERE YOUR CHILDERN WOULD SUFFER A LOT PLEASE KNOW THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER I HAVE BEEN THREW TIMES WHERE WE HAD NO FOOD AND HEAT BUT WE CAME THRU AND MY CHILDERN WERE THE REASON SO PLEASE .... JUST GO A DAY AT A TIME THE WINTER IS VERY HARD AND HOLIDAYS IN GENERAL ....IF YOU WANT TO TALK OR IM ME PLEASE DO MY IM ON YAHOO IS MIDNIGHT13033 TAKE CARE LOVE PAMTonia wrote: Barbara, I wish it was that easy.....But, Gene never finished High School, doesn't have a High School Diploma OR a GED. And not having either of them means he only gets Crappy jobs that really has no benefits. Right now I am getting State Medicaid.....but if he gets a job where he makes more than $500 a month, I lose my Medicaid. And if I lose it, I would some how have to come up with $1800 a month for my medicines. There is NO WAY possible in hell that we could come up with that much a month. And, even if I switched my medications, so that I could take cheaper ones, we still couldn't afford them. I figured it up, and if I switched medications, it would still cost me right around $600 a month. And we still couldn't afford that. So, either way, I'd be screwed. I would really LOVE it if Gene would go and get a job. Then he'd be out of my hair for 8-10 hours a day. But, then again, I would have to look at it from the other point of view.....if he did go to work, I would be unable to walk out of my house by myself to go anywhere, on those days that the RSD and Fibro flares up and I'm unable to get out of bed, I'd still have to figure out how I would get up and get the girls on their buses, and then get Petey up......then get down the steps again to go and get Crystal off the bus....which, most of the time she's asleep when she gets home and when I'm in a flare, carrying a 33 lb sleeping child is impossible. I have realized that I depend on Gene a lot more than I have ever thought. Especially when it comes to taking care of the kids. He's the one that gets up with them in the mornings and gets them ready for school and on the bus. He's the one that gets Crystal off the bus. He does a lot of the cooking, most of the cleaning and laundry. PLUS he does all of the farm work. PLUS he takes care of his Mother, Nephew, Cuts up Iron and helps his Sister load it into our truck, drives 14 miles to this place that buys scrap iron/metal, they unload it and split the money 3 ways just so that we and his mother has a little bit of money in our pockets until its time to pay the bills And, when he's not cutting up Metal, he's out in the Timber cutting up Wood for our wood stoves for heat. Neither us nor nis sister has a furnace. Well.....his sister does, but she refuses to pay her past propane bill, so she can't get any propane. So, each house goes thru 2-3 pickup loads of wood a week, more if its really cold and snowing. Less if its warmer during the day time. Gene's life would be so much easier if I wasn't in it. He would be able to work, he would have money, less stress, more fun. Even if he had all 3 kids, he'd be better off without me. All I am to him is a huge rock on his back that he doesn't need. Thats why I keep telling him that he'd be better off without me. And, that is why he's got every sharp knife in the house put up out of my reach and sight. Because he knows that I'll try to take care of the problem and end the misery. With me gone, he'd be able to go and get a good job, the kids would be happier because I wouldn't be around to yell at them all the time, they would get everything they want because their daddy gives it to them anyways, my Sister in law would get her wish and would be able to raise 2 little girls that she couldn't have......the works. Tonia -------Original Message------- Tonia - I saw the note that you've been feeling depressed and I'm sorry to hear that. What it Gene got a job that also offered health insurance? That way you'd have financial security and health coverage. Just a thought. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 Tonia I hear so much despair in your post. I know that by now others probably have posted and that I may be echoing others but please dont feel that everyones life would be better off without you in it. Even at the very worst of times in our lives there is so much out there to look forward to daily such as your childrens laughter, the sweet smell they have after their baths, your husbands affection (yes he loves you) and general everyday things we take for granted..the smell of your wood stove, stars at night ....ok you get the point...but regardless your life is important to everyone around you..Gene wouldnt do the things that he does everyday if he did love you so much..your children adore you for who you are Tonia..you are their mommy and without you they would be lost....you arent the person you dream of being Tonia but you are still a very important person to your children, you have so much to teach them that doesnt have to come from being physicaly active..your voice teaches them very important things in life that they wouldnt have without you...but however right now you're deep in despair and I know you dont see this....is there a facility in your area that could overlook a hospital stay and help you to get past this difficult stage? I really hope so Tonia...we all care so much for you and want to see you feeling better...if you want to chat privately my email address is wiccanmom@... Take care tonia and rest well...dont forget to kiss your little ones and hold them tight. Enjoy a peaceful night with Gene and remind yourself and him how much you have to look forward to. Love and Hugs Donna > > Gene's life would be so much easier if I wasn't in it. He would be able to > work, he would have money, less stress, more fun. Even if he had all 3 kids, > he'd be better off without me. All I am to him is a huge rock on his back > that he doesn't need. Thats why I keep telling him that he'd be better off > without me. And, that is why he's got every sharp knife in the house put up > out of my reach and sight. Because he knows that I'll try to take care of > the problem and end the misery. With me gone, he'd be able to go and get a > good job, the kids would be happier because I wouldn't be around to yell at > them all the time, they would get everything they want because their daddy > gives it to them anyways, my Sister in law would get her wish and would be > able to raise 2 little girls that she couldn't have......the works. > > Tonia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 tahts great tonia i am so glad that you are able to do it.. i mean i knwo you have been wanting too for so long.. cass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 Barbara, I read it in the same area that Cathy did....in the Arthritis Foundation Web Page. Also, at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke....they have it written in their info that its a form of Arthritis. Gene and I have actually remodeled the whole house ourselves, inside and out. We tear the stuff out, put new drywall, compound and paint on, knock windows out of the wall and either make the hole bigger or smaller so that we can put a new one in, put French Doors where a gross broken frame set Patio Doors were at one time, and, Gene turned 1 big room in the basement into 2 bedrooms and a storage area, built shelves in a useless hole below the back steps, and tore out rotted 2x4's, put new ones back up, added some heavy sheets of boards up to make the new wall there........the works. If we get lucky enough to actually get to keep any money out of our last 2 lawsuits, we plan on using it to replace the rotted wooden siding that was put on the house when it was built in 1983, and put brand new siding up that we'll never have to paint again. When we bought this house in 92, the so-called friends we had that was renting it from the owner was pissed off that we bought the house out from under them, so, when they moved out in the middle of the night 2 days after they found out, they shattered windows...big picture windows......kicked in doors, smashed the top and bottom of a double oven stove, threw canned meat and fruit all over the walls, ceiling and floor of the kitchen which had wooden floors, left the glass and all.....and, kicked in the walls and yanked out wiring. We had A LOT of re-building to do before we could even move in! So, at that time, since we really didn't have any money to remodel it then, only patch up what happened......its finally time that we redo everything now. Tonia -------Original Message------- Tonia - Curious to hear where you heard that RSD was related to arthritis. Not at all what I've heard. Interested. I certainly have seen how weather influences my mood and the tie-in between barometric pressure and pain state. Also re the paneling that you hate, there is a way to paint over it. Whoopee ! You have to do a fair amount of prep work, but if you're willing to deal with to still having paneling. it might be easier than removing it and putting in new drywall. My sister and her husband had it done in their family room but I bet, with a little looking into it, that you and your husband could do it yourself. You might try asking at Home Depot what prep you would have to do.....might have been "Bin" or some other wood sealant..... can't remember. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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