Re: Welcome RevMartha!

[Guest guest]

revmartha,

Hello and Welcome! You have found a great site here and a great group of

people with lots of support and advice.

Your story and life are exactly like mine. My daughter started at age 13 and

the chaos lasted for five years. She is now 19 1/2 and well! So don't give

up hope, we are a success story. My daughter spent time in 7 different

facilities, each following a trip to the ER.

Meds, therapy, you name it. No amount of meds or therapy would help her.

All of the work had to be done at home, changing me to help get her recovered.

She now has her own apartment as of June 1st, works full time, she graduated

last June and has been doing very well since. Took a lot of effort on our part

but it worked. My daughter too, has a step dad in my husband, her father (my

ex) was not helpful at all in her recovery, quite the opposite, as he

inflicted the trauma that triggered her disorders.

My advice to you, change yourself, change your reactions to her actions,

think with your head, not your heart. Do not concentrate so much on doting on

your daughter, and you must stop enabling her. This is a good thing that she is

getting treatment. It all works on her brain and her thinking process. She

is chemically imbalanced and needs repair. She will be fine and it can go

away. My true feelings on this is they are lacking in serotonin, the naturally

produced chemical that is essential for our pyschological and emotional well

being.

I bought my daughter 5-HTP, a natural supplement containing serotonin. I

believe her brain stopped producing what she needed as a result of emotional and

psychological trauma.

And changing life at home as she knew it. I became a demanding mother,

giving her structure, things written down in black and white, as they soon

forget

what you tell them. I had wished in those five years that I could have found

residential treatment for her, but there was none. I ran into brick walls

every where I turned. In the end, it is what we did at home that helped her

recover. At 18, I kicked her out twice. The 2d time home is when I drew up the

contract and sat her down, one on one. It worked. From that day on she didn't

miss a single day of school and graduated. I have my little, beautiful,

smart, talented, artistic, funny girl back!

Know that you are not alone in this. I can truly feel your fear, guilt,

anguish, frustrations, anger. They will go away, trust me. Your daughter

hopefully is in good hands, as long as they are familiar with personality

disorders

and can help her. Don't lose faith and don't give up hope. We have some

mantras here, Get out of her way, get off her back, give her to God, Get on with

your life.

Also, the three c's: You did not Cause this, you cannot Control it, you

cannot Cure this.

I had some mantras of my own: The more I pushed, the more I pushed her away.

Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

You both need to be supportive of each other and stay healthy. This can

totally devastate you, emotionally, psychologically and financially. It can

take

you to the limits and beyond.

Remember, God doesn't dish out to us what we can't handle. You will be fine.

Praying for you and your daughter,

Hugs,

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

Amen!

We need to hear it often.

Milena

funnygirl1154@... wrote:

revmartha,

Hello and Welcome! You have found a great site here and a great group of

people with lots of support and advice.

Your story and life are exactly like mine. My daughter started at age 13 and

the chaos lasted for five years. She is now 19 1/2 and well! So don't give

up hope, we are a success story. My daughter spent time in 7 different

facilities, each following a trip to the ER.

Meds, therapy, you name it. No amount of meds or therapy would help her.

All of the work had to be done at home, changing me to help get her recovered.

She now has her own apartment as of June 1st, works full time, she graduated

last June and has been doing very well since. Took a lot of effort on our part

but it worked. My daughter too, has a step dad in my husband, her father (my

ex) was not helpful at all in her recovery, quite the opposite, as he

inflicted the trauma that triggered her disorders.

My advice to you, change yourself, change your reactions to her actions,

think with your head, not your heart. Do not concentrate so much on doting on

your daughter, and you must stop enabling her. This is a good thing that she is

getting treatment. It all works on her brain and her thinking process. She

is chemically imbalanced and needs repair. She will be fine and it can go

away. My true feelings on this is they are lacking in serotonin, the naturally

produced chemical that is essential for our pyschological and emotional well

being.

I bought my daughter 5-HTP, a natural supplement containing serotonin. I

believe her brain stopped producing what she needed as a result of emotional and

psychological trauma.

And changing life at home as she knew it. I became a demanding mother,

giving her structure, things written down in black and white, as they soon

forget

what you tell them. I had wished in those five years that I could have found

residential treatment for her, but there was none. I ran into brick walls

every where I turned. In the end, it is what we did at home that helped her

recover. At 18, I kicked her out twice. The 2d time home is when I drew up the

contract and sat her down, one on one. It worked. From that day on she didn't

miss a single day of school and graduated. I have my little, beautiful,

smart, talented, artistic, funny girl back!

Know that you are not alone in this. I can truly feel your fear, guilt,

anguish, frustrations, anger. They will go away, trust me. Your daughter

hopefully is in good hands, as long as they are familiar with personality

disorders

and can help her. Don't lose faith and don't give up hope. We have some

mantras here, Get out of her way, get off her back, give her to God, Get on with

your life.

Also, the three c's: You did not Cause this, you cannot Control it, you

cannot Cure this.

I had some mantras of my own: The more I pushed, the more I pushed her away.

Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

You both need to be supportive of each other and stay healthy. This can

totally devastate you, emotionally, psychologically and financially. It can take

you to the limits and beyond.

Remember, God doesn't dish out to us what we can't handle. You will be fine.

Praying for you and your daughter,

Hugs,

DebbieL