OT: groaners

[Guest guest]

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The barman says, " I'll serve you,

but don't start anything. "

3. A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says, " Sorry we don't serve food in here. "

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his

arm and says,

" A beer please, and one for the road. "

6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get

married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other, " Does this taste funny to you? "

8. Man: " Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass

of home.' "

Doc: " That sounds like Tom syndrome. "

Man: " Is it common? "

Doc: " It's not unusual. "

9. Two cows were standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, " I was artificially inseminated this

morning. "

" I don't believe you, " said Dolly. " It's true, no bull! "

exclaimed Daisy.

10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap

shorts.

The shrink says, " Well, I can clearly see you're nuts. "

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, " I've lost my electron. "

The other says, " Are you sure? "

The first replies, " Yes, I'm positive... "

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,

" My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him? "

" Well, " says the vet, " let's have a look at him. "

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,

then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,

" I'm going to have to put him down. " " What?

Because he's cross-eyed? " " No, because he's really heavy. "

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,

but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day

and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top

shelf.

He said, " No, the steaks are too high. "

15. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He

shouted,

" Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs! " The doctor replied,

" I know you can't, I've cut off your arms. "

16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a

mussel.

17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

18. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.

It's more like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.