Todays helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul

[Guest guest]

Desires of Your Heart

By Lugli

It was late at night in front of my house. The floodlights were on,

and

worship music was playing. I sat in the dirt beside four flats of flowers

waiting to be planted. My tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought back

over

the past twenty-five years. I had married this man when I was eighteen

years

old and now he wanted a divorce. He had just moved his belongings out that

day,

and I was determined to make myself happy by planting my flowers. When I

was a

child, my aunt had always told me that if you have lots of flowers outside

your

home it meant you had a happy home. For the first time in my forty-four

years I

was totally alone. The children were grown and on their own, and now I was,

too.

In my early twenties, I realized I needed to be dependent on the Lord

instead of my husband. Through the following years of his workaholism and

unfaithfulness, I had struggled to a make this wonderful provider happy. I

doubled my efforts in being the best I could be, and prayed daily for God's

guidance and wisdom for our family. I knew the only one I could change was

myself, and I prayed daily for my husband to have God's salvation. In

Psalms

37:4 it says, " Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires

of

your heart. " My desires were to have a family and a husband that loved and

adored me. It did not seem to be working out that way, but I hung on to

that

promise.

Times looked bleak as my husband and I, by the grace of God, managed to

get

through some very difficult years. We lived through our son's battles with

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and drug addiction, our

daughter's depression and our own inner battles with each other.

Now, I was sitting in the dirt crying as I remembered back. I knew I

would

be all right by myself because, I was not really alone. I had built a

relationship with God and He did love me.

It was a difficult time, but as I started looking forward to what God

had

planned for me, it became very exciting - and a relief - to have only myself

to

consider. I still prayed for my husband each day, but soon realized he had

to

find his own way. The divorce was in place and the time clock was ticking.

I

joined a Christian singles group and attended a divorce recovery workshop.

I

had gone on with my life and had just signed up for college when I got the

call.

It was my husband. He was on his way over to tell me something. There

he

stood on the front porch with tears in his eyes, announcing his acceptance

of

the Lord. He no longer wanted a divorce and wanted to work on our marriage.

It

had been six months since he had left, and to be truthful, I was in doubt

whether I even wanted to be married. Life was good, fun and exciting, and I

was

more content than I ever remembered being. Did I want to go back to the

distrust and deception I had endured for so many years?

My answer to him was, " I need time. " I separated myself from the

activities I was involved with and took time to be alone and pray. The

psalm

had said the Lord would give me the desires of my heart. I had prayed for

my

husband for twenty-five years to come to know the Lord and now he said he

had.

I did not trust my husband, but I did trust God. If I chose not to work to

save

this marriage, I would be doubting God's power and grace.

My husband and I set up personal boundaries and had a lot of Christian

counseling. We continued to live alone. As the months went by, God did the

work of mending a very broken relationship. As I learned to know my husband

and

trust him, we fell in love, and Christ became the center of our marriage.

We

renewed our wedding vows in our church on our twenty-sixth wedding

anniversary,

with many friends and family in attendance. It was the happiest day of my

life.

Our beautiful daughter sang, " Let's Begin Again " ; our drug-free son walked

me

down the aisle to meet a completely transformed man. All of my childhood

dreams

had come true, and I did receive the desires of my heart.