RE: My wife ()

[Guest guest]

Wow...what a great email, and what a great response!!

Whoever wondered " what is going on with this group? " -- well, I think

that by the thoughtful, articulate responses to this email, we can see

what's going on with this group! We are supporting eachother and walking

it out together!! :-)

Anyhoo, I can't offer anything different or better than what has so

eloquently been stated by others in this thread.

I do have a book recommendation for you though ....it's called

" The Five Love Languages " by Chapman.

This book really opened my eyes to how I can *think* I'm loving someone,

but they can remain totally unconvinced - because I'm not speaking their

" language " .

It's going to become really important in your marriage, as you continue

to lose weight, that your wife becomes secure in your love for her. She

may want you to stay fat because then she isn't afraid of losing you.

A side thought: I used to always want to gag whenever someone would say

to my husband, " 's so lucky to have you! " or to me, " You are so

lucky to have that man! He's great! " -- " YUCK! " I used to think...and

" if they ONLY KNEW!! " (even though I knew that, for the most part, they

were right!!)

But I was so DOWN on me...that I couldn't rejoice in what made my

husband such a great man. Does that make sense?

The last time I lost weight (50 lbs) my husband and I went through a

shake up maritally. (is that a word? haha!)

My husband has always been thin and I've always been fat. He can eat

whatever he wants and doesn't have to exercise. He's still the same size

he was in college.

When we met, I was fat, so he knew what he was getting!! (no skinny girl

that plumps up after marriage and kids...I was already fat to start

with!) But he loved me unconditionally and always has.

However, his first wife had an affair and left him...it was very painful

for him (as you can imagine) and even more so, because it went on right

under his nose for over a year and he was very naive about it.

So, when I lost all that weight, it brought up some insecurities he

didn't even realize were lurking inside of him.

So go figure - when I'm fat, I'm insecure...and when I'm thin - HE is

insecure. Oh my!

But since I've learned his love language, I'm much better at reassuring

him of my love. So, this time, as I lose the weight, I don't anticipate

the marital struggles that we had last time.

You should be able to find the book easily, it's available at most

Christian bookstores, I've seen it at and Noble and it's

available online as well.

They also have a website <http://www.fivelovelanguages.com>

www.fivelovelanguages.com

Thanks for sharing,

in CO

My wife

I'm pretty worried about my wife, and I'd appreciate any thoughts or

suggestions.

We've been on this WW thing for quite awhile, with varying degrees of

seriousness. I'm back on it, as serious as I can be, but 's

been

having a very hard time with it. She hasn't had much luck losing weight

in the past, and I think she's really starting to burn out. She refers

to

being on Weight Watchers as being on " permanent diet mode " , keeps

talking

about how she misses certain foods, and talks about regular exercise as

" that thing we're condemned to do daily for the rest of our lives " . I'm

finding that it's getting easier and easier for me to eat right and get

into the right frame of mind and even enjoy the whole process, but

can't seem to get there. Today she got it into her head that

she

really wants a big, huge chocolate chip cookie, the kind only available

at

a bakery, and wants me to get one with her. I don't have the points for

a

cookie, not even with FP's, and I'd much rather save the points I have

for

sushi with our friend tonight and ice cream later on.

I'm feeling pretty guilty, I guess. I know that is

uncomfortable

with her weight, and I worry that it's affecting her self-esteem. I

think

she's beautiful and pretty darn spiffy. I don't expect her to change on

my behalf but I'd like her to be happy with herself (for many reasons,

including the fact that I find that self confidence can be a hell of a

lot

sexier than a trim figure any day of the week).

I have to lose weight for a variety of health-related reasons, and I'm

trying very hard to get into a positive mindset about it, so I can't

really go along with her when she decides to go off-program, tempting

though it may be from time to time. Not any more.

So I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive for her when she's

having

so much difficulty, and I'm not sure I know how. If anyone has any

ideas,

I would be incredibly grateful to hear them.

--

Sláinte,

S. Crawford (AIM: Buffalo2K)

http://www.mossroot.com http://www.stonegoose.com/catseyeview

" You cannot trust your judgement if your imagination is out of focus. "

--Mark Twain