Help with a difficult situation

[Guest guest]

I like to think my life is different than it was almost three years

ago when I made that first step across the threshold of my first WW

meeting, but this past week has taught me just how truly CHANGED my

lifestyle really is.

An old college buddy of mine was in town for the past two weeks

visiting some of her family. She was supposed to come visit me this

past weekend, but due to unforeseen events, needed a place to stay

last Monday or else she would have to return to California where she

now lives. I offered her my place for a few days, and so her and her

husband moved in. She ended up staying with me and my husband for

about a week. We haven't lived with each other in almost eight years

(since we were college roomies), and I had not realized how much our

lives have changed.

See, when we were in college, we were always either on a diet or

eating with no abandon. We were such a bad influence on each other.

She jokes about how we used to both sit on the couch watching movies

and eating directly out of a gallon of ice cream until it was all

gone. This after destroying an entire large pizza. She has always had

a weight problem, whereas mine came about after I left high school.

About halfway through college, we decided to " get fit. " We went on an

extremely low fat, low calorie diet and both lost weight. She got

down to the smallest she had ever been. After college my weight

continued to yo-yo until I hit an all-time high and made my WW

commitment three years ago. She kept most of her weight off until she

and her husband moved to a new town about six years ago. She then

started to gain weight and now is up higher than she has ever been.

She's definitely over 100 pounds overweight, maybe almost 150. I

worry about her health, and we've discussed it on occasion. I try to

never push, and she tells me she knows she's just not ready to make a

commitment like I have, but that when she is, she'll take care of it.

I tell her I love her no matter what. I support her when she attempts

to lose weight, but I try to never harp or bring it up unless she

asks me. She has a lot of toxic relationships in her life, including

an unhealthy one with her immediate family. I think she does a lot

of " stuffing her feelings with food, " to quote another serious WWer.

Well, being in close proximity this past week really accentuated our

lifestyle differences and put a strain on our relationship. I had

made a point to not bring up WW or be a " healthy food " pusher, but

that I would just lead by example. My husband was fearful that being

with my old " food buddy " would be hard for me and possibly lead me to

overeat, but I kept everything in control. He kept telling me how

proud he was that I continued to keep up my healthy habits when it

would have been so easy to succumb to what I had been in the past. I

got up every morning and exercised like normal and ate what I

normally eat, making healthy choices. She made a couple of comments a

few days in that some of her pants were feeling loose, that she

thought staying at my house was like being at " fat camp " – there

wasn't any " bad " choices. (I like to make my home a " no fail "

environment, so I don't keep junk food around.) At first she just

kind of made humorous mentions about it, but as the week wore on, it

became apparent she felt somewhat slighted. We went out for ice cream

on Saturday, and I got (what I thought was a moderate-point serving,

but later found out had way more points than I thought, but I still

didn't use it as an excuse to eat without boundaries) a medium cup of

ice cream. After paying, I turned around and saw her standing there

with two (one for her, one for her husband) of the largest waffles

cones full of ice cream I had ever seen. I kid you not, these things

were ENORMOUS. (Cold Stone Creamery calls them " gotta have it. " ) I

guess my eyes got big when I saw them and I went " WOW! That's a lot

of ice cream. " Well, this obviously irritated her and she said, " you

wouldn't have thought anything about the size of these cones back in

the old days. " I get the resentment, I really do. But, I felt like

crap. I try really hard to be understanding of her situation. When

she's having a hard time physically or emotionally, I encourage her

and remind her of what a valuable person she is and that I love her.

I don't want weight to get in the way of our friendship, but I'm

starting to think our lifestyles are so different, that we don't

share much in common anymore. It's like when your best friend from

high school gets married and has three kids and you are still single,

things just change. All her activities revolve around sitting around

watching TV, going to the movies, or eating. I like to get out and be

active, shop, eat healthy, and enjoy nature. (I do enjoy a good TV

show or movie, but by the fifth day of that, I was getting bored.)

What should I do? How do I live my life with the changes I've made

and still hold on to a dear, dear friend? I would appreciate any

advice on how to handle the situation. She left yesterday morning for

home, and I could feel a slight air of tension. I'm wondering if I

should call her to discuss it or if that would make things worse. I

want to be a rock for her and her for me, but I'm finding our

priorities are so different, it's becoming a problem.

April