Guest guest Posted March 27, 2004 Report Share Posted March 27, 2004 Shirley .. I believe he may not understand the " medical jargon " of the illnesses and is afraid if he says " I dont understand what that means " that he will become less of a man in your eyes. My hubby was the same way until I sat down one day .. with no kids .. turned off the phones .. just him and me. I got out some of my lupus research and told him .. come here to the dining room table .. we need to talk. I laid it out in plain English.. no medical terms .. just in terms I knew he could understand. Sometimes we forget that we as patients are more comfortable with the medical side of the illnesses because we are experiencing it when we go to Doctor visits and to the labs. We also have access to the information on the Lupus Support site and the research contained there. He may not understand .. not because he is being insensitive about the situation .. but because he very simply does not understand exactly what is going on. How many times has he asked you " how are you today? " and you answered " I'm ok " .. and you werent! How many times have you told him .. " I am fine " .. just so you could avoid the confrontation between the two of you? Explaining a serious illness to someone is like going to counseling. Just one explanation is NOT going to cut it! It may take several sessions of " learning about Lupus " before he feels comfortable with talking about it. Remember also .. he has been told .. there is no cure for Lupus .. Lupus kills people. In a way, he is in denial and is hiding from the truth. Like a child, subconsciously he figures that if he hides the facts about the disease and doesnt try to understand the reality of the disease, the reality will just disappear. The death of someone he truly loves will not happen. Please feel free to copy any of the articles on my web site .. feel free to print out any of the information emails I send out periodically. Make them into a book.. so you have something to reference to when you are explaining to him the realities of Lupus. The reality being .. yes .. there is no cure for Lupus .. BUT .. there are new treatments that help us control the symptoms and help us to live longer. We just need to follow the treatment plan and hopefully find support as well. " Rion " http://www.itzarion.com/lupusgroup.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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