getting out of toxic relationships

July 6, 2004

Hi,

If you remember when I first joined, I wrote about my friend that had

joined WW with me in February.

I was really struggling with some issues with her - main one, feeling

like every time we weighed in, it was some kind of competition. But we

never talked about it. The other thing that really got to me is that she

is the most negative person I've ever met. If she weighed in and it

wasn't a good week, I literally felt like I was sitting next to a black

cloud at the meeting. She would have a scowl on her face, cross her arms

and have this attitude that just grated on me so badly that I had a hard

time concentrating on anything that was happening at the meeting.

Anyhoo, our friendship is a little strained right now (well, a LOT

strained), and we've been going to separate WW meetings. Ever since I

started doing that, I started losing weight again. (after not losing for

6 weeks!) I really think I was in an unhealthy (toxic) relationship with

her, but didn't know how to get out of it.

I had some confirmation of that " competitive " thing I was feeling with

her. We were at the Fourth of July picnic together and while we were

watching the volleyball game I said, " Are you going to go play? " and she

said, " No, I'm way too competitive. I don't play team sports anymore

because it just gets ugly, I'm so competitive I can't have fun. "

Then it hit me....AHA! So I WAS feeling a competitive thing there. It

helped me to know I wasn't crazy.

Now, I don't know if I should talk to her about it. I don't know if she

cares that we're going to separate WW meetings. She may not even care.

It's hard to say with her. One day she's up, the next she's down...most

of the time, it seems like I can't say or do anything right. She

misinterprets everything I do according to her insecurities of the

moment.

It's a difficult relationship, not healthy....but I don't know how to

get out of it. Do I just distance myself? Let it kind of die a slow

painful death? I'm more of a " cut to the chase " kind of person normally,

but for whatever reason, I can't be myself with her.

So how does a person get out of an unhealthy relationship? Especially if

I have to see her and work with her on a regular basis?

Thanks,

in CO

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