Re: Xanax..and losing myself >>to Billie

[Guest guest]

Dang, I feel for you! I remember all those feelings. Now I live in a

little one bedroom that is kinda like a studio and a half with my

twins. I feel pretty cramped, but also sometimes happy there is so

little to clean. Being out of remission makes that kind of simplicity

really appealing to me now.

You need a day off... or two or three. I'll tell you, I've felt really

rough these past couple monthes, and have been running around trying

to get things settled, then I got really sick last week and had to

stay home. Now this week I took off two days, and I think I'm going to

slow down. Your body tells you when you've had enough.

I used to be a real type A... that's part of the reason I moved back

here... it's easy to fall back into old patterns, and here I've had to

learn to kick back. Also, since the car has died, I've been on the bus

for everything. It used to KILL me. But you cant hurry the bus, so I

gave up fretting. Now I'm glad I did. I can take the three bus three

hour ride in to the city and sit and wait on Corey Causeway and not

nearly have an anurism because it's 27 minutes between the time the

beach trolley drops us off and the Peir trolly picks us up. Or I can

be on the RT80 on Clearwater beach and look out the window at the

tourists and over the causeway to see if there are any wild dolphins

in the water...where before I'd have my planner out and look at my

watch the whole trip.

Sometimes I worry that I'm selfish or lazy. Then I think of all the

things I've done, and how this is nourishing me, and realize it isn't

selfish, it's SANE.

BTW... we should talk. I used to do a flea market in Clarence NY....

kinda miss it. I used to make more money in a day there than I did in

a whole week as an engineering technician!!!

> I had written about how depressed and totally stressed I was after

my twins daughters room mate died over a week ago...I hadn't slept

that much all week and quite frankly was feeling alittle strange. I

called my doctor and talked with the nurse and told her what I had

been going through..they called in some xanax .25 to be taken at

bedtime..but just enough for 5 days. I know one thing ...I have to

admit I need something like this all the time. One of my friends said

that they usually just give xanax on a 5 day period type of thing..not

everyday to take. But then again I know that I have heard some of you

say you take it daily and how much it helps you. I am have to sit down

and slow down my life. I have been watching my 2 year old grandson 5

days a week and going to the flea market to work every weekend for

months now...not even going to church on Sunday because my husband is

so shy and I didn't want him to go alone. I never have a day off..not

ever. I come home and the house is a

> wreck and of course..no one is going to help. I have had it.I hate

being sick and having that feeling as if I want to stay home instead

of being out around people..I fight the pain that I know you all have

too..and I don't want to give in to it I love my family so much and

would do anything for them..but I am so stressed lately that I have

decided Sunday is MY day. I am going to church..taking it easy! I am

reading and maybe cleaning a bit here and there (piddeling around as

my mom used to say)...I have felt lately like I have been losing

myself!! And you know..even reading what I just wote..somehow I feel

selfish!

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