Re: Jeff

[Guest guest]

Dear Jeff

Thanks for relying to my posting! To be honest I have not done anything

differently on the days I have had the pains. I was on crutches/in a wheelchair

for 3 years before my operation so I certainly haven't been used to walking.

I hope you are right in what you say so maybe my surgeon will confirm this!

Love Lucy

20/08/03 bilateral Mr Treacy

[Guest guest]

Jeff,

What an awesome story, I know that God works in my life daily, even my

bad days I can still feel he is there, I try to start my day with , Thy

will be done. None of know for sure "why" God does the things he does,

but your so very right , he does have a "plan" for each and every one

of us. Thank you for sharing this story, glad you are both better,

how's the daughter?

God Bess,

Marla

I commit to pray for all of you. I want you to know that when we

first moved here in 1999 I went through a two year stretch of very deep

depression. The only thing that kept me hanging on was my faith in God

and our kids. I am the only one that is able to take care of our family

(well one child is married now, but we still support some) and it takes

a toll to have illness for so many years. Jeanna has been sick since

1986 and our daughter became ill the same year. They have both been

hospitalized too many times to count. When I went thru the dark period

in 1999, well actually it started in 1997, but I cried all the way to

work and back home every day for many, many months. My family knew that

I was low, but they had no idea the extent of my sickness. I attribute

to God alone keeping me from ending my life. God's word says that he is

with us through all time, and in Corinthians chapter 1, you will see

the extent of what went through, and WHY these things happen. I

would encourage anyone to read this book and draw courage from it and

the Psalms. Hold on because there is a plan for your life!

By the way, the deal with Jeanna was remarkable. Once I gave it

totally over to God and told him that his will be done (letting her go

and knowing that if he took her, he would get me throught), it was at

that point that her situation turned around. I believe God wanted my to

surrender completely to him, and Jeanna I am sure has her own thoughts

about that.

Jeff

NeuroSarcoid66@... wrote:

Dear ,

Your email is particularly alarming for me and

difficult for me to respond to directly. I am going to try however out

of deep caring for you, the same as I have for all the members of this

group. It is so difficult for me at this time because I myself am

suffering from a rather deep depression and suicidal thoughts almost

daily. I am embarrassed by this and really struggling through it, I

cant overcome it, and at this time it is really quite a fight for me.

Sharing this publicly now is taking quite a lot of strength on my

part. These thoughts are so dark and overwhelming, so deep seated that

I can not even allow myself to seek help for them or discuss them with

anyone, reach out to friends much, though a part of me wants to,

because at the same time another part just doesnt feel worthy of the

help, just doesnt feel worthy of even expressing what I am feeling.

Feels that its a waste of time to even try to express what Im thinking

and feeling about my life and situation and future. There is just no

point in my mind. I start to try ... I open my mouth ... and my heart

and my thoughts are so overwhelmed there are just no words only tears

and feelings too deep and overwhelming to even begin to express. No

one understands, noone sees, and to me not much of anyone arouind me

cares. This makes the cycle of thinking begin all over again and one

groove deeper within me.

Trying to dig ones way out of this type of thinking ,

through this type of depression alone is impossible. I am typing this

to you and logically thinking it and knowing I need help, very aware of

it at this moment, and aware that it is the meds and/or clinical

depression both causing my thoughts and knowing that I am sick and need

treated. I also know that circumstances in my life over the past year

and inthe past have made the depression much much worse (mostly from

family members etc), if you are suffereing from depression alone and

have life circumstances pulling you down and causing you to feel

hopeless each and everyday and then dysfunctional loved

ones tearing you apart every chance they get and/or simply not

providing you any kind of love or kindness or affection (like every

single human being requires) the chance that your depression will

cause you to become suicidal is higher. You are living through this

kind of circumstance. You say that you have overdosed once before, I

would say this is a very serious thing, and something that makes me

even more concerned for your situation now.

I am having these types of feelings and really

struggling with some difficult circumstances in life, if I had been

here online writing my feelings as you have, would you have been tired

of me expressing myself and say in your heart "oh go ahead and do it

already?" I dont think so... and I do not believe that anyone in this

group has ever had this thought towards you at anytime that you

have talked of ending your life either. Speaking of suicide is

nothing to be spoken of lightly or a comment to be thrown out there

like its no big deal, believe me when you say it, we all wake up and

hear you, and we all become very worried and concerned.

Because I am struggling with these feelings , when I

hear you speak of wanting to end your life , I do not take it

lightly. When I hear your feelings of despair I relate so well to you

and want to see your life turn around. But understand that money

doesnt necessarily solve depression. You are suffering from depression

that needs treated the same as mine does, though our personal

circumstances are very different. Once you treat the depression,

and the rest of the family coiuld get the counseling it needs, the

two of you could move forward with your lives, together or

seperatly. I hope that you have reached out to the contact number I

gave you and that these people can help you in some way. Everyone

deserves to live in a peaceful home, without outbursts and violence,

screaming and yelling and fear of upsetting the others, each respecting

the other, and caring for one another. We do not see inside your home

. Your family obviously needs counseling, I do not know how you

can continue to live this way, any of you.

This is long enough, I hope you understand what I am

trying to say here.

With Caring and Compassion,

Take care

Kim

NS Moderator

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-- May the Lord bless us and keep us! May the Lord let his face shine upon us, and be gracious to us! May the Lord look upon us kindly and give us peace! Amen