Re: Aase~ Welfare help -

[Guest guest]

>Hi again TJ, ( Hi again too )

>Your so right- there was no other way to go except the possiblity of

>marrying my then so called boyfriend ( but he was an abuser -- I did

>the right thing though and became brave on the medication during

>hospital stay and kicked him out --------- whew ! )

Good for you!!!! I am really happy to hear that you kicked him

out!!!! You go girl!!! ( thanks- was a very scarey thing to do- they

threaten much and most end up too afraid to speak up and I admit, I was afraid-

for a great length of time- he still threatens and it has been 2 yrs- he will

spam e-mail, make sites of threats etc- he moved to FLA, I do believe- and yep,

I sent the e-mails in, reported the threats etc- they did Nothing....... not a

thing---- said unless I have marks on me

( I guess you have to be near dead or dead before they do anything ) then the

report will cause reason for them to take action- otherwise, its just kept in

records. )

>What makes it even harder though is that some sit around stating

>that they are working hard to pay those state dollars while people

>sit on their rumps getting money theyyyyyy worked hard for........

>ugh that one bothers me.

I can really understand how that bothers you!!! When somebody says

something like that when I hear it, they certainly pushes a button...

Then I just can't help myself, I have to speak up. Because they sure

does not now at all what they are talking about... But heeey, that is

the definition of " prejudice " , right? Basing your view or judgement

on none or wrong information... Years ago I even had somebody tell me

that the municipality bought Mercedes-Benz cars for refugees. When I

told them that it wasn't true, they wouldn't believe me, they knew so

much better. When I then told them that I worked for the

municipality, for the office who works with the refugees and give

them the support they need and that I worked with just that (which I

did back then, but not anymore) - they would still not believe me.

And that is just how it is sometimes, nothing you can do, can make

people change their mind about such things. So even if it is painful

and really hurts, you just have to tell yourself that you sure know

why things ended up like they did, and you sure can't help the fact

that you were born with EDS and that it makes things difficult for

you. You have no way whatsoever to control those things. ( Exactly )

One thing I think is a bit sad though, is that it often is people who

have some kind of problem themselves, that has these kinds of views.

And some sure knows how to encourage that kind of thing, e.g. some

politicians. Bottom line is that we will always have some people who

are prejudiced. And it is sure not easy to make them see how things

really are. They often base their beliefs on really simple logics,

and life is never simple. Some of them should try to live on welfare

money for 6 months, and see how easy it is. I really don't think that

many choose that because it is so great... Because it isn't.

( No it isn't and welfare is definitely not enough to cover much needed bills

and it really gets me that foodstamps do not cover necessitys such as toiletries

etc- you have to use the cash assistance amount for that and that cash

assistance amount doesnt really cover the bills as it is, if I didnt have my

parents , I am not sure what I'd do at this point. )

There will always be some people who think it is a good thing to live

on welfare, not having to work for their money etc. But that is where

the above mentioned people are wrong. They think this group is a

large group, when in reality we are talking about very few. The real

problem is all those who really have a need and should have financial

support, but simply don't apply. And that goes both for welfare and

social security type support from the government/state/municipality...

( You are right, many will not apply out of pure embarrassment and pride- SSI

and SSD, Ive seen many give up due to the hassle of paperwork and the types of

questions they ask......... so they end up going without )

So even if it is hurtful when some people make such statements, each

and every person just has to try to raise above it, even if it isn't

easy. Nobody should let others take their pride away, but try their

best to remind themselves of what they really know about themselves,

that they can't help ending up in such an " unfortunate situation " ...

( exactly right on that statement as well- one has to raise themselves above

peoples remarks- which I do, I must........ or suffer even more- once when Dad

mentioned that about the money comes from peoples taxes etc- and thats what pays

my medical bills, I said well- if you prefer, I could give you the bills to pay-

and my hospital stays now have added up to over 130 thous----------- eheh- he

made no remarks then. )

>In all actuality, I do know i stated that it almost embarrassed me

>to admit it, but in many ways - I guess it doesn't all that much-

>You know one thing that I was really worried about were my boys

>reaction to it as they were given free Hot lunch at school..........

>and in my days, to present that ticket showing everyone in the line

>that you were a welfare family was a horrible experience for most of

>those kids to go through........... When I told my boys though they

>were like wow cool ! And now they do make it look like normal

>tickets and seldom does one know they are even getting a free

>lunch........... and thats the way it should be. After all the state

>is still giving them money- so why a different ticket at all.........

I am really glad that your kids took it the way they did and that

things have changed so that it has gotten better. I can't really

describe in words what I feel about giving children tickets to " pay "

for lunch with so that all the other kids can see... It makes me see

red!!!! To stigmatize children that way is nothing but insane and

downright stupid!!! If all kids had tickets and all looked the same,

it would be OK. But I guess that my view is not only about the

lunches. It is the same with what I think about food stamps in

general, and luckily I am not the only one who thinks that here. It

is luckily many years since we weren't allowed to give people that

kind of help anymore. It is in the law, so the same goes for the

whole country. We have to give people money instead of food stamps.

There are exceptions though, and that is if people just can't handle

their money, e.g. because of a substance abuse problem. But we can't

just assume that, we have to try with money first. If it is a

problem, we always have to try to manage it in other ways first, by

dividing the monthly payment in many portions, helping them manage

bills etc. If all else fails, then we can use something like a food

stamp.

( All the kids here that purchase a weeks lunch ahead of time use tickets - so

their free hotlunch tickets looked the same - fortunately )

Very few schools have cafeteria's here, it is not until High School

that there's cafeteria's. All kids have to bring a sandwich lunch

with them from home, they just get milk for their lunch at school,

which the parents get bills for and this can be covered from the

welfare office if needed. But there's no tickets or anything like

that involved, normally the kids take turns in getting the milk for

their classmates, and they simply all eat their lunches together with

their class before they are excused to run off and play. When they

get to junior high they normally can go to the store to buy food too,

if they want to, but before that age they will have to ask for

permission (e.g. if they forgot their lunch). If parents can't handle

to make the kids lunch or make sure that they have their lunch with

them, it is very soon detected, as there are teachers with them when

they eat. If there is a problem, they will find a way to sort it out,

e.g. by letting somebody come and help at home in the morning, by

helping out with breakfast and making lunches. That way the kids

who's parents get welfare help, are just like any other kid...

( wow that is different about not having cafeteria's but that is kinda cool-

just as with clothing- I had often wished they were all to wear the same type

cuz of the type of kids that think they are so much higher class than the rest

who cant afford to wear designer clothing. ------- here they do now offer

breakfast as well- and breakfast is taken to their room..... lunch though is

eaten in the cafeteria, wow what noise------ I worked in the cafeteria, (

subbed- was often recess teacher- teachers helper- lunch lady- dishwasher- they

put the cafeteria next to the gym- not a bright move on their part- everything

echo's twice as loud- that was one job - I often turned down lol- tylenol

company loved me.......... we have closed campus here- so even the older kids

are not allowed off the school grounds to go purchase dinner elsewhere )

But what has become a problem in the schools the past few years, is

that many homes doesn't have proper routines for eating breakfast,

and going to school with no food in their tummies, surely is not good

for concentration. There is a debate going on if they maybe should

start with School Breakfast again, as they used to have here after

WW2 and mostly up to the 60's I think, longer for inner city kids in

Oslo though. They are having projects some places now in trying this

out, how it affects the kids...

( My kids never seemed to eat breakfast, even if it was readily available to

them- not sure if they got that from me or what- as I myself can't eat before

noon - or I get sick...... sometimes Dakota will eat at the school, depending on

what is offered ....... but most often he waits until dinner time. )

>There are probably quite a few more parents that do need it in my

>territory but won't do it........... LOL- my Dad is embarrassed to

>use my food stamp card to get my groceries ( it does not even look

>like a food stamp card ) they now have mad them look like a credit

>card - so no one would even know the diff unless they too carried

>one or knew someone that did........ Dad just won't do it, although

>he will take my 16 yr old to the store but not go through the

>checkout with him LOL LOL...........

Your dad is probably of the " old school " there... They just can't

deal with that, makes them so shameful... And that is so sad, because

a lot of elderly people really could use some help, e.g. if they have

a low pension...

( definitely about dad being the " old school " type..... but most know it

isn't being used for him, the town knows TJ's ill and

everyone is getting her stuff for her....... so it honestly shouldn't bother

him as it does ...... LOL , one thing I wish they did around here and

perhaps they do- I am looking into it, is having delivery- we do have

shchwanss delivery but its quite expensive and you have to buy in quantity most

of the time-

I prefer someone to pick them up from the actual grocery store and deliver

them........ I'm sure there has to be someone around that would do this service

for a fee )

Making the food stamp card like a credit card sure sounds

wonderful!!! It is just not right that people should have to live

with other people knowing such private things about them. It is too

bad that people feel embarrassed about it, but as long as people

still do, they shouldn't be forced to let others know. Especially if

people live in small places, it is really a confidentiality problem.

I mean, we are not allowed to even let anyone know that a person has

a relationship to our office at all, the law is really strict, in

some regards even more strict than for doctors re. their patients.

But then such things are being done, and it really makes no sense at

all. But to be honest I don't understand why they just don't stop

using the food stamp system at all, for most people that is. Because

most people would handle money just fine.

( true- so true- it does look like a debit or credit card- only difference is

its called a Bridge card and has a bridge on it....... but not many in line are

looking at that.... they are already sticking their groceries on.........so its

quite quick....... and also they made it now so that once the grocery bill is

done- it will place at the bottom the amount of cash left in your cash earnings

and the food stamp balance once the shopping is done - so they really are

thinking of peoples feelings/concerns here , but many are the " old School " type

as you stated. Not too sure that I agree on the food stamp vs actual cash ,

because- I know if a bill was overdue- Id use some of that food cash ( if it

were cash ) to pay that bill, then food supply would be really low that month

but in some ways I do agree- I have my parents to help for the little dollars

that are left over each month that I can't pay- not everyone has this.........

but the way it is working for me- as I said, if I didnt have it seperate- it

would get used for a utility bill no doubt )

Thanks a lot, TJ for being brave enough to talk about this. Because

it is really, really important!!! And there are many lurkers out

there on this list, and you might just have made somebody a huge

favor by sharing your experiences... I would not be surprised if this

can be the little push that makes somebody apply for help for the

first time, help they have sorely needed for a long time...

( Thanks for the response- If indeed it will help others not to be embarrassed

about it, or help others to get the help out there that is available then I will

be happy that it came of use somehow , somewhere......)

Take care!!!! ( You take care too :-)

hugs,

Aase Marit

Hugsss- TJ

>

>Thanks for the response- It is always nice to know your not alone in

>these situations.........

>Hugs and hope you are feeling as well as can be.

>Love, TJ

>

>

> Hi TJ,

>

> It is just the same here in Norway as it is everywhere, I guess... It

> is so difficult for anyone having to turn to the welfare office. That

> is really too bad, because everyone can find themselves in a

> situation where they have no other options. And a most (!) people end

> up having such needs because of things happening in their lives,

> which they have no power over at all. But I guess there is a lot of

> old thoughts and prejudice connected with this, that if you find

> yourself in such a situation, it must be because you made some bad

> choices, didn't try enough or something like that. But that is just

> not true. I have so many times wished that we could all just " reboot "

> when it comes to things like that, just get rid of old beliefs and

> prejudice. Because we never know. Things can happen in our lives that

> causes us to suddenly be in a terrible financial situation, where we

> need help. And we should be able to turn to the system then, with our

> heads up high. We all contribute to such a " last resort system " when

> we are able to, through paying taxes. So we really should view it as

> a form of insurance, because that is exactly what it is. Many people

> believe that there's way too many people getting such help, but the

> real truth is that there is way too few people who gets help. Just

> because so many who really have a need, don't dare go there, because

> it is too difficult for them to do so. That has been proven in many

> studies, and I can't imagine that the US is any different at all...

>

>

> hugs,

> Aase Marit

>

> >Hating to admit, but am one that has had to go on welfare to be able

> >to " almost " paying off my bills since I had the first surgery

> >myself-

> >Only reason I hate to admit, is not of embarrassment- but of how

> >some people think of you for being on it , well - sometimes- its the

> >only way one can go- and I've been on it for two years- and after

> >reading what Aase wrote here, it reminded me.....

> snip...

>

>

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