Fw: HMO Q & A

[Guest guest]

Sorry to go so off topic (NOTE: This was from a HUMOR list!) but hey, the

weekend's coming up. Enjoy.

Take care, Fay

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, 'Hey, Moe!' Its

roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe of " The

Three Stooges " who discovered that a patient could be made to

forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough

in

the eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the

doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing

your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing

all the doctors who were participating in the plan. These

doctors basically fall into two categories those who are no

longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but

are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry, the remaining

doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has

an office just a half-day's drive away and that diploma from a

small Caribbean Island is very fresh.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. What are preexisting conditions?

A. This is a term used by the grammatically challenged when

they

want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we

appear

to be pre-stuck with 'pre and now' meaning the same.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of

medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the

name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a

stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he

can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really

perform

a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but

considering that all you're risking is the $10 CO-payment,

there

is no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment

by then.

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