Guest guest Posted December 13, 2004 Report Share Posted December 13, 2004 Tory, I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say to you that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've been so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get some of the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted you to know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, and that I am rooting for you. I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in this weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out that: 1. You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, even if you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are strong and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these facts & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as reality is, sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical truth. There is something about being around family that sets us back in time, isn't there? Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World countries while you're having a little personal reflection & turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a little self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling clod. It is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will think of you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and respected by those you love. In closing, Don't let the man get you down! With respect & congrats for your WI results, Crystal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2004 Report Share Posted December 13, 2004 Thanks Bette. I feel like I should know it all by now, LOL! (I mean okay, sometimes I act like I know it all...but that doesn't seem to make it true.) Most of the time I can handle up a pound or two because I know it's part of the normal ebb and flow of weight. But I find lately that when I'm up I feel like " ack! " and when I'm down I feel like " ack! " and I just always feel like " ack! " I'm staring in the mirror...asking my husband if I look fat... " Does it look like my tummy is bigger? Is that fat on my back? " I mean what in the WORLD is going on with me? For example I was up 3 pounds today from my weigh in. I never ever EVER weigh on Mondays. I've always been really good about only doing WI on Friday. So I went " ack! " and then I had to talk myself through it the same way I talk others through it. 1. Was I on program every day this week? Yes 2. Did I exercise every day this week? Yes 3. Did I even eat enough calories to gain 3 pounds of fat since Friday? No, of course not. I would have had to eat over 5000 calories a day to do that, and not exercise (that's just taking my basal metabolic rate into consideration). 4. Were my choices good this week? For the most part, yes. I did eat to over-full yesterday which is something I still deal with. It's like if I have money in the bank and payday is tomorrow, I need to spend it. I do that with points sometimes. Other than that I had my dairy, got in my fruits and vegetable every day. All that good stuff. I'm a freak. Maybe I'm a phreak. Or perhaps I'm a p4r33k. I know I'm a dork. At 10:17 AM 12/13/2004, Bette Holzer wrote: >Tory- >I can't answer your question as to why you're focusing on the issue at hand, >but you sort of answered it yourself. You know, as I know, that the weight >issue is SO much more than just weight. It's psychologically deep, with so >many layers that we haven't even touched on yet. Things like your visit to >your family....things like my own adult kids ALL being here together next >week (with all their many differences and intolerances!) -- those things >touch one of the deeper layers that somehow trigger the insecurities. I >hope that just knowing we're facing the deeper layers will help us to win >the ongoing battle...and ultimately the war. I DO KNOW that your sharing it >here will be helpful to not only me, but to others who share our struggles. > >So bring your WW-friendly snacks with you, and I'll have some on hand for my >own family get-together, and we'll beat this thing. After all -- we're >WINNERS, Tory. We are dang GOOD! > >Hugs, >Bette > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2004 Report Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks, Tory. I appreciate your response & it seems you are feeling in better spirits now. Don't let your family get to you; it would be easy to do. Just try to remember to be the at-home Tory, not the doormat they see. I'm the same way. My family still sees me as the baby, the irresponsible one, the f-up. But in real life I'm responsible, in charge, taking care of business, running my household. If they don't want to see that, tough luck. It's who I am. They are not going to revert me back to high-school Crystal. Good luck with your family, & don't eat your feelings (but you already knew that)! Rooting for you, Crystal > > > >Tory, > > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say to you > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've been > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get some of > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted you to > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, and > >that I am rooting for you. > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. One of the > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much help myself > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask for it. > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " and either > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in doing so I end > up answering some of my OWN questions. > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in this > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out that: 1. > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, even if > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are strong > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these facts > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as reality is, > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical truth. > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look down at times > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly because I'm > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat deposits (we ARE > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples from scar > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!) > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, I guess. I > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find myself > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my skinniest jeans. Are > they tighter? > > I'm a nutcase! > > >There is something about being around family that sets us back in > >time, isn't there? > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " as in, " Oh, > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. She won't > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of computers, > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club adviser, > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family I'm " just > Tory " ...not someone very important. > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my sister. She > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be in California > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the opportunity to take a > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three children for > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I have plans > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it but...duh) why > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean PLEASE! > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and complained to > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not like she asks > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I don't think > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT a liar; my > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline. > > It just communicated to me that: > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen my sister in > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close. > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what she wants > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take a plane to > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay we're here. What > do you want to do? " > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say no if I'm > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt me into it. " > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I was > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for having us do > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. So instead > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to fly 1500 > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her money. > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have anything > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple- minded dolt. " > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay with him and > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine. Again, " Oh, > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay. Certainly > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think this is what > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying with Craig > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half when we > already have plans to visit Disneyland.) > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, unimportant, " just Tory " . > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me, and because > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find enough value > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I was fat...I > think those emotions are all intertwined. > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection & > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a little > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling clod. It > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will think of > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and respected by > >those you love. > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always wanted to be an > important part of my family and I never have thought that I was. Maybe I > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly always felt > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on. When they > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties and " forget " > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down, though! > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now. Maybe even > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me move beyond it. > Silly! > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot off a quick > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and reply to it. > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric evaluation? Ha ha! > > >In closing, > > > >Don't let the man get you down! > > > > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results, > >Crystal > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 It turned out okay. I was really obsessing about the truffles, so finally I pointed them & found they were 2 points a piece. I had just one, carefully chosen, and then the spell was broken! I didn't think about the truffles again after that. Freed from temptation! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Tory, > > > > > > > > > > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say > >to you > > > > > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've > > > >been > > > > > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get > >some > > > >of > > > > > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted > >you > > > >to > > > > > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, > >and > > > > > >that I am rooting for you. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. > >One of > > > >the > > > > > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other > > > > > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much > > > >help myself > > > > > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask > >for > > > >it. > > > > > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " > >and > > > >either > > > > > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in > >doing > > > >so I end > > > > > up answering some of my OWN questions. > > > > > > > > > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in > >this > > > > > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out > >that: 1. > > > > > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, > >even if > > > > > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are > > > >strong > > > > > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these > > > >facts > > > > > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as > >reality > > > >is, > > > > > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical > > > >truth. > > > > > > > > > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look > >down > > > >at times > > > > > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly > > > >because I'm > > > > > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat > >deposits > > > >(we ARE > > > > > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples > > > >from scar > > > > > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!) > > > > > > > > > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, > >I > > > >guess. I > > > > > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find > >myself > > > > > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my > >skinniest > > > >jeans. Are > > > > > they tighter? > > > > > > > > > > I'm a nutcase! > > > > > > > > > > >There is something about being around family that sets us > >back in > > > > > >time, isn't there? > > > > > > > > > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " > >as > > > >in, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. > >She > > > >won't > > > > > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of > > > >computers, > > > > > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club > > > >adviser, > > > > > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family > > > >I'm " just > > > > > Tory " ...not someone very important. > > > > > > > > > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my > >sister. > > > >She > > > > > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be > >in > > > >California > > > > > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the > >opportunity to > > > >take a > > > > > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three > > > >children for > > > > > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I > >have > > > >plans > > > > > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it > > > >but...duh) why > > > > > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean > > > >PLEASE! > > > > > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and > > > >complained to > > > > > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not > >like > > > >she asks > > > > > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I > >don't > > > >think > > > > > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT > >a > > > >liar; my > > > > > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline. > > > > > > > > > > It just communicated to me that: > > > > > > > > > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen > >my > > > >sister in > > > > > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close. > > > > > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what > > > >she wants > > > > > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take > >a > > > >plane to > > > > > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay > >we're > > > >here. What > > > > > do you want to do? " > > > > > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say > >no > > > >if I'm > > > > > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt > >me > > > >into it. " > > > > > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I > >was > > > > > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for > > > >having us do > > > > > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. > >So > > > >instead > > > > > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to > >fly > > > >1500 > > > > > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her > > > >money. > > > > > > > > > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have > > > >anything > > > > > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple- > > > >minded dolt. " > > > > > > > > > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay > >with > > > >him and > > > > > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine. > > > >Again, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay. > > > >Certainly > > > > > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think > >this is > > > >what > > > > > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying > > > >with Craig > > > > > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half > >when > > > >we > > > > > already have plans to visit Disneyland.) > > > > > > > > > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, > >unimportant, " just > > > >Tory " . > > > > > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me, > > > >and because > > > > > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find > > > >enough value > > > > > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I > >was > > > >fat...I > > > > > think those emotions are all intertwined. > > > > > > > > > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World > > > > > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection & > > > > > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a > >little > > > > > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling > >clod. > > > >It > > > > > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will > >think > > > >of > > > > > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and > >respected > > > >by > > > > > >those you love. > > > > > > > > > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always > >wanted > > > >to be an > > > > > important part of my family and I never have thought that I > >was. > > > >Maybe I > > > > > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly > > > >always felt > > > > > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on. > > > >When they > > > > > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties > > > >and " forget " > > > > > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down, > > > >though! > > > > > > > > > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now. > > > >Maybe even > > > > > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me > >move > > > >beyond it. > > > > > Silly! > > > > > > > > > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot > >off > > > >a quick > > > > > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and > > > >reply to it. > > > > > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric > > > >evaluation? Ha ha! > > > > > > > > > > >In closing, > > > > > > > > > > > >Don't let the man get you down! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results, > > > > > >Crystal > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 It turned out okay. I was really obsessing about the truffles, so finally I pointed them & found they were 2 points a piece. I had just one, carefully chosen, and then the spell was broken! I didn't think about the truffles again after that. Freed from temptation! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Tory, > > > > > > > > > > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say > >to you > > > > > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've > > > >been > > > > > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get > >some > > > >of > > > > > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted > >you > > > >to > > > > > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, > >and > > > > > >that I am rooting for you. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. > >One of > > > >the > > > > > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other > > > > > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much > > > >help myself > > > > > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask > >for > > > >it. > > > > > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " > >and > > > >either > > > > > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in > >doing > > > >so I end > > > > > up answering some of my OWN questions. > > > > > > > > > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in > >this > > > > > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out > >that: 1. > > > > > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, > >even if > > > > > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are > > > >strong > > > > > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these > > > >facts > > > > > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as > >reality > > > >is, > > > > > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical > > > >truth. > > > > > > > > > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look > >down > > > >at times > > > > > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly > > > >because I'm > > > > > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat > >deposits > > > >(we ARE > > > > > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples > > > >from scar > > > > > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!) > > > > > > > > > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, > >I > > > >guess. I > > > > > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find > >myself > > > > > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my > >skinniest > > > >jeans. Are > > > > > they tighter? > > > > > > > > > > I'm a nutcase! > > > > > > > > > > >There is something about being around family that sets us > >back in > > > > > >time, isn't there? > > > > > > > > > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " > >as > > > >in, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. > >She > > > >won't > > > > > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of > > > >computers, > > > > > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club > > > >adviser, > > > > > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family > > > >I'm " just > > > > > Tory " ...not someone very important. > > > > > > > > > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my > >sister. > > > >She > > > > > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be > >in > > > >California > > > > > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the > >opportunity to > > > >take a > > > > > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three > > > >children for > > > > > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I > >have > > > >plans > > > > > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it > > > >but...duh) why > > > > > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean > > > >PLEASE! > > > > > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and > > > >complained to > > > > > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not > >like > > > >she asks > > > > > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I > >don't > > > >think > > > > > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT > >a > > > >liar; my > > > > > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline. > > > > > > > > > > It just communicated to me that: > > > > > > > > > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen > >my > > > >sister in > > > > > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close. > > > > > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what > > > >she wants > > > > > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take > >a > > > >plane to > > > > > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay > >we're > > > >here. What > > > > > do you want to do? " > > > > > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say > >no > > > >if I'm > > > > > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt > >me > > > >into it. " > > > > > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I > >was > > > > > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for > > > >having us do > > > > > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. > >So > > > >instead > > > > > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to > >fly > > > >1500 > > > > > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her > > > >money. > > > > > > > > > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have > > > >anything > > > > > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple- > > > >minded dolt. " > > > > > > > > > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay > >with > > > >him and > > > > > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine. > > > >Again, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay. > > > >Certainly > > > > > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think > >this is > > > >what > > > > > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying > > > >with Craig > > > > > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half > >when > > > >we > > > > > already have plans to visit Disneyland.) > > > > > > > > > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, > >unimportant, " just > > > >Tory " . > > > > > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me, > > > >and because > > > > > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find > > > >enough value > > > > > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I > >was > > > >fat...I > > > > > think those emotions are all intertwined. > > > > > > > > > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World > > > > > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection & > > > > > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a > >little > > > > > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling > >clod. > > > >It > > > > > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will > >think > > > >of > > > > > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and > >respected > > > >by > > > > > >those you love. > > > > > > > > > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always > >wanted > > > >to be an > > > > > important part of my family and I never have thought that I > >was. > > > >Maybe I > > > > > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly > > > >always felt > > > > > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on. > > > >When they > > > > > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties > > > >and " forget " > > > > > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down, > > > >though! > > > > > > > > > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now. > > > >Maybe even > > > > > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me > >move > > > >beyond it. > > > > > Silly! > > > > > > > > > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot > >off > > > >a quick > > > > > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and > > > >reply to it. > > > > > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric > > > >evaluation? Ha ha! > > > > > > > > > > >In closing, > > > > > > > > > > > >Don't let the man get you down! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results, > > > > > >Crystal > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 It turned out okay. I was really obsessing about the truffles, so finally I pointed them & found they were 2 points a piece. I had just one, carefully chosen, and then the spell was broken! I didn't think about the truffles again after that. Freed from temptation! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Tory, > > > > > > > > > > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say > >to you > > > > > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've > > > >been > > > > > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get > >some > > > >of > > > > > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted > >you > > > >to > > > > > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, > >and > > > > > >that I am rooting for you. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. > >One of > > > >the > > > > > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other > > > > > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much > > > >help myself > > > > > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask > >for > > > >it. > > > > > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " > >and > > > >either > > > > > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in > >doing > > > >so I end > > > > > up answering some of my OWN questions. > > > > > > > > > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in > >this > > > > > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out > >that: 1. > > > > > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, > >even if > > > > > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are > > > >strong > > > > > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these > > > >facts > > > > > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as > >reality > > > >is, > > > > > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical > > > >truth. > > > > > > > > > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look > >down > > > >at times > > > > > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly > > > >because I'm > > > > > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat > >deposits > > > >(we ARE > > > > > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples > > > >from scar > > > > > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!) > > > > > > > > > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, > >I > > > >guess. I > > > > > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find > >myself > > > > > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my > >skinniest > > > >jeans. Are > > > > > they tighter? > > > > > > > > > > I'm a nutcase! > > > > > > > > > > >There is something about being around family that sets us > >back in > > > > > >time, isn't there? > > > > > > > > > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " > >as > > > >in, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. > >She > > > >won't > > > > > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of > > > >computers, > > > > > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club > > > >adviser, > > > > > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family > > > >I'm " just > > > > > Tory " ...not someone very important. > > > > > > > > > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my > >sister. > > > >She > > > > > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be > >in > > > >California > > > > > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the > >opportunity to > > > >take a > > > > > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three > > > >children for > > > > > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I > >have > > > >plans > > > > > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it > > > >but...duh) why > > > > > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean > > > >PLEASE! > > > > > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and > > > >complained to > > > > > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not > >like > > > >she asks > > > > > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I > >don't > > > >think > > > > > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT > >a > > > >liar; my > > > > > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline. > > > > > > > > > > It just communicated to me that: > > > > > > > > > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen > >my > > > >sister in > > > > > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close. > > > > > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what > > > >she wants > > > > > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take > >a > > > >plane to > > > > > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay > >we're > > > >here. What > > > > > do you want to do? " > > > > > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say > >no > > > >if I'm > > > > > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt > >me > > > >into it. " > > > > > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I > >was > > > > > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for > > > >having us do > > > > > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. > >So > > > >instead > > > > > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to > >fly > > > >1500 > > > > > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her > > > >money. > > > > > > > > > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have > > > >anything > > > > > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple- > > > >minded dolt. " > > > > > > > > > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay > >with > > > >him and > > > > > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine. > > > >Again, " Oh, > > > > > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay. > > > >Certainly > > > > > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think > >this is > > > >what > > > > > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying > > > >with Craig > > > > > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half > >when > > > >we > > > > > already have plans to visit Disneyland.) > > > > > > > > > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, > >unimportant, " just > > > >Tory " . > > > > > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me, > > > >and because > > > > > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find > > > >enough value > > > > > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I > >was > > > >fat...I > > > > > think those emotions are all intertwined. > > > > > > > > > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World > > > > > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection & > > > > > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a > >little > > > > > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling > >clod. > > > >It > > > > > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will > >think > > > >of > > > > > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and > >respected > > > >by > > > > > >those you love. > > > > > > > > > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always > >wanted > > > >to be an > > > > > important part of my family and I never have thought that I > >was. > > > >Maybe I > > > > > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly > > > >always felt > > > > > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on. > > > >When they > > > > > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties > > > >and " forget " > > > > > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down, > > > >though! > > > > > > > > > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now. > > > >Maybe even > > > > > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me > >move > > > >beyond it. > > > > > Silly! > > > > > > > > > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot > >off > > > >a quick > > > > > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and > > > >reply to it. > > > > > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric > > > >evaluation? Ha ha! > > > > > > > > > > >In closing, > > > > > > > > > > > >Don't let the man get you down! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results, > > > > > >Crystal > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.