for Kim in Bay Area

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

What I had to do was make sure there is no liquor in the house, period! Friends know not to bring it in when invited. We never eat it in food either.

I resigned myself to the fact that I had a drinking problem too and we used it together as a medication. I'm sorry he keeps trying to get your meds. That is so selfish. It sounds like we sure share similar troubles. Maybe he needs his meds adjusted. An alcoholic cannot have just one drink or a few beers on the weekend. If he craves it so much he has to ask you then that is exactly that, an alcoholic. Have him try AA or some other program. Also find out from local hospitals where a bi-polar support group is. I went to some of those with my husband a long time ago.

I live in Sacramento in an area called Elk Grove

Cheryl in CA

#################################################################### Hi Cheryl, It is nice to meet you also. It sounds like you have had a rough go of it. I am so sorry for everything you have been dealing with. Yes, my hubby also turns to alcohol as a way of self medicating. He will also abuse prescription meds, so I have to hide my pain pills so there is no temptation for him. Sad, huh? He has come to a place where he will ask me if it is ok for him to have a couple of beers on the weekend, but I finally came to the realization that if I said yes, I was enabling him, so I started saying, no, it is not okay, matter of fact, it is terrible for you to do that and be on anti depressants. The first time I did that, he had an attitude, and carried it around for awhile. But he didn't drink. He said he won't drink at all without my "permission". So I got a clue finally, and said, Well, then you won't be drinking anymore. Just recently, I had a long talk with him about not even sharing his desire for alcohol with me, as it is taking away his accountability. If I approve, then he could drink and say, well, I let him, so it is my fault. If I say no, then the only reason he doesn't drink is because I said no...so there again he doesn't have to be accountable. I told him he is no longer to talk to me about it...or else!;o) As far as the meds goes, since I have gooten really ill over the last several months, he hasn't asked me for any of my meds. But I know when he is on a downswing, anything is possible. He says he can logically see that asking me for my pain meds is wrong, and selfish, but it still didn't stop him from asking. But I raised such a big stink when my Dr gave me Percocet and I told him how rotten he was that he would rather me have pain so he could self medicate...and it broke him down in tears. My hubby is really a wonderful man. He has been my greatest support through all of my testing, pain and waiting. He has been one person I could always count on to be here for me, even leaving work early or staying home to take care of the kids if I have a migraine. It's just this darn illness he is dealing with. Ugh!!! Where in No Ca are you? I am in the bay area.) Well, it was nice getting to know you a bit, and I look forward to getting to know you better! Kim> Hi Kim,> > My name is Cheryl & I'm in Northern CA. My kids are grown and gone, both> living out of state. I have 3 grandchildren. I don't know how you deal> with 6 kids, let alone 6 kids while you are ill. My symptoms of Lupus began> while I was a teen. I didn't get a lupus dx until I was about 45 years old.> I have had lupus all that time while working. I got sicker and had to work> part-time. I had irritable bowel syndrome and TMJ dysfunction too. Seven> years ago I got cancer. I had a small stroke. I came down with> fibromyalgia due to the physical and mental stress of the illnesses. I now> have arthritis, osteoporosis, the usual memory loss, interstitial cystitis> and who knows what else. I just had my gallbladder removed in January and I> am still recovering. > > We have something in common. My husband is bi-polar. He drank a lot the> first 2 years we were married. He didn't know he was bi-polar. Drinking is> a common medication for bi-polar illness. Neither of us drinks now. I have> been on a rollercoaster ride with him for 25 years. He too used to make a> lot of money. He had a psychotic breakdown and we lost two houses, his job> and had to move and go bankrupt. He has had about 17 jobs in all the years> we have been married. He and I are both 57 now. He has been on his current> job for about 4 months. He makes about ¼ of what he used to make. It is> very hard to get a job at his age. I am on permanent disability. It has> been hard on him having the whole responsibility of bringing in the money.> We went without insurance for about a year. He recently had a psychotic> episode and caused a lot of family trouble because he couldn't get his meds.> My daughter's family hates us now. He is a good, faithful, and kind man but> you know what it is like to live with someone with that problem. I have my> own problems too. I suffer from depression due to my illnesses. My husband> needs me to keep him stable and I need him because I can't take care of> myself. We love each other but go through trials, He is my strength and a> trial too.> > It's nice to meet you and find someone on the lupie line who has a bi-polar> husband too. <http://www.mymailsignature.com>

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