Fw: Fw: I hate this time of year

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message ----- Now want to say that friend sent this to me and about tip number 2, must say never heard of single-malt scotch and only once took sip of egg-nog and really hope never have to try it again. So do not know if tip number 2 is acurate or not. Just thought these ideas were sort of light hearted and fun to read. Hope you all like it. Many gentle hugs and a Special Happy Lords Birthday.

Hugs

JoAnn

s Momma

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialismand forced frivolity, but because it's the season whenthe food police come out with their wagging fingers andannual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine withoutfinding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminatesecond helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies madewith butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmasa carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrotwas something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list oftips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them,you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it toNew Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone whoputs carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing ofthe Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leaveimmediately. Go next door, where they serve rum balls.2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Likefine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarerthan single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other timeof year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has10,000 calories in every sip?? It's not as if you're goingto turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat.Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's thewhole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're madewith skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effortto control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmasparty is to eat other people's food. Lots of it. Hellloo?6. Under no circumstances should you exercise betweennow and New Year's. You can do that in January whenyou have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps,which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carryinga 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.7. If you come across something really good at a buffettable, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and sizeof Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.Have as many as you can before becoming the centerof attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. Youcan't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.8. Same for pies? Apple? Pumpkin? Mincemeat. Have aslice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have twoapples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When elsedo you get to have more than one dessert?? Labor Day?9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loadedwith the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at allcost. I mean, have some standards.10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when youleave the party or get up from the table, you haven't beenpaying attention.Re-read tips. Start over.But hurry!Cookieless January is just around the corner.

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialismand forced frivolity, but because it's the season whenthe food police come out with their wagging fingers andannual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine withoutfinding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminatesecond helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies madewith butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmasa carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrotwas something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list oftips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them,you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it toNew Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone whoputs carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing ofthe Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leaveimmediately. Go next door, where they serve rum balls.2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Likefine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarerthan single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other timeof year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has10,000 calories in every sip?? It's not as if you're goingto turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat.Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's thewhole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're madewith skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effortto control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmasparty is to eat other people's food. Lots of it. Hellloo?6. Under no circumstances should you exercise betweennow and New Year's. You can do that in January whenyou have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps,which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carryinga 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.7. If you come across something really good at a buffettable, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and sizeof Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.Have as many as you can before becoming the centerof attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. Youcan't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.8. Same for pies? Apple? Pumpkin? Mincemeat. Have aslice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have twoapples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When elsedo you get to have more than one dessert?? Labor Day?9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loadedwith the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at allcost. I mean, have some standards.10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when youleave the party or get up from the table, you haven't beenpaying attention.Re-read tips. Start over.But hurry!Cookieless January is just around the corner.