Re: Re: Tory's WI

[Guest guest]

At 12:54 PM 12/13/2004, cryssyzip wrote:

>Tory,

>

>I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say to you

>that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've been

>so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get some of

>the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted you to

>know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, and

>that I am rooting for you.

Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. One of the

reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other

people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much help myself

when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask for it.

Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " and either

it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in doing so I end

up answering some of my OWN questions.

>I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in this

>weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out that: 1.

>You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, even if

>you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are strong

>and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these facts

> & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as reality is,

>sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical truth.

YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look down at times

and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly because I'm

not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat deposits (we ARE

supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples from scar

tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!)

Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, I guess. I

have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find myself

scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my skinniest jeans. Are

they tighter?

I'm a nutcase!

>There is something about being around family that sets us back in

>time, isn't there?

Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " as in, " Oh,

it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. She won't

mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of computers,

gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club adviser,

mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family I'm " just

Tory " ...not someone very important.

I think this has been underscored by a situation with my sister. She

suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be in California

(we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the opportunity to take a

trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three children for

five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I have plans

already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it but...duh) why

in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean PLEASE!

Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and complained to

my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not like she asks

for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I don't think

I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT a liar; my

hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline.

It just communicated to me that:

1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen my sister in

a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close.

2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what she wants

to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take a plane to

LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay we're here. What

do you want to do? "

3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say no if I'm

asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt me into it. "

4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I was

" guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for having us do

it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. So instead

she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to fly 1500

miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her money.

In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have anything

important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple-minded dolt. "

On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay with him and

didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine. Again, " Oh,

it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay. Certainly

there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think this is what

precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying with Craig

the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half when we

already have plans to visit Disneyland.)

So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, unimportant, " just Tory " .

Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me, and because

it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find enough value

in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I was fat...I

think those emotions are all intertwined.

>Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World

>countries while you're having a little personal reflection &

>turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a little

>self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling clod. It

>is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will think of

>you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and respected by

>those you love.

Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always wanted to be an

important part of my family and I never have thought that I was. Maybe I

am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly always felt

like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on. When they

DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties and " forget "

to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down, though!

So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now. Maybe even

just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me move beyond it.

Silly!

Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot off a quick

response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and reply to it.

So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric evaluation? Ha ha!

>In closing,

>

>Don't let the man get you down!

>

>

>With respect & congrats for your WI results,

>Crystal

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/19/2004 3:41:56 PM Pacific Standard Time,

jbrown14464@... writes:

Hi, Becky! NSVs are Non-Scale Victories,

this help a lot JB! thank you!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/19/2004 3:41:56 PM Pacific Standard Time,

jbrown14464@... writes:

Hi, Becky! NSVs are Non-Scale Victories,

this help a lot JB! thank you!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/19/2004 3:41:56 PM Pacific Standard Time,

jbrown14464@... writes:

Hi, Becky! NSVs are Non-Scale Victories,

this help a lot JB! thank you!

[Guest guest]

>

>

> It turned out okay. I was really obsessing about the truffles, so

> finally I pointed them & found they were 2 points a piece. I had

> just one, carefully chosen, and then the spell was broken! I didn't

> think about the truffles again after that. Freed from temptation!

Excellent! Isn't it amazing when we realize that we CAN have this

stuff? I did the same with fudge last week. There were lots of

desserts, I looked them all over, sat down and had my meal...then went

back and chose one piece of fudge. I knew it would be 2-4 points. Went

online and found a recipe. Calculated the points and found it was 2.5.

I ate it slowly, savored every bite, and then was done. I think it's

when we deny ourselves completely with this " You can't have rthat "

attitude that we get into trouble.