Looking for an understanding person ...

[Guest guest]

Hello, everyone. This is my first day with this group. My name is

Marie s and I'm a 21 year old African American

female

who lives in a little city called Valdosta in the state of Georgia.

I'm single and don't have kids. I was diagnosed with Lupus

(Mixed

Connective Tissue Disease) in 1994. I was diagnosed with SLE May of

last year.

I was taking up Computer Information Systems at the technical school

here. I was forced to stop because I was too tired to go to class.

I was also working full time at a call center here in town. I was

fired last September because I was missing too many days at work due

to this illness.

This Lupus has really been attacking my kidneys since December of

2002 and I'm still waiting to go into remission. Right now

I'm

undergoing chemotherapy (Cytoxan). This is my fourth treatment and

I have two more to go. I'm also being treated for the depression

that comes along with having a chronic illness.

This is scary for me. I'm terrified beyond words because so far

the

chemo isn't working. This isn't fair and now I'm

grieving over the

life I had taken away from me. I feel alone and that no one truly

understands what I'm going through. That's the reason that I

joined

this group … hoping to find someone who can relate to this with

me.

If there's anyone who can let me know what my options are

please

let me know. I can't help but look at my own mortality now and

my

future … I want to know what to expect but I don't and that

scares

me worse. You think you know yourself then here comes a doctor who

tells you that there's something terribly wrong with you. He

tells

me that my body is attacking my kidneys. That makes me wonder

why

am I doing that, you know? I've blamed myself for this illness

but

I know it's not my fault. * Sigh * I just need a friend. I

have

nothing more to lose and I'm open to anyone.