How are you? what to say

[Guest guest]

I like that " surviving " answer. I usually say " breathing in, breathing out "

with a wry smile. Sometimes I'll add " ...barely " . Rarely, I'll joke about

the alien egg-cases on my neck, that are about to hatch. Wanna see? :-) [i

really do have big lumps]

Mostly I'm in the mood for letting people off the hook, as to their level of

caring. This isn't always easy. If I say I'm VERY tired, they say they

didn't sleep well either. If I say I have NO energy, they say yeah they're

feeling a little lazy too, it's this weather. If I say I have a chronic

illness, they say well they didn't know that, but their aunt has.......

This mostly doesn't bother me, except when it's someone who already KNOWS I

have a chronic illness. But I still strive to let people off the hook. They

can't really know, and it's complicated, and they're (usually unconsciously)

afraid. I see a big need on the part of most, to sort people into " OK " and

" not OK " . We all try as long as we can to look " OK " , and then finally our

appearance and body language (and sometimes, strange things that are

attached to us) makes it pretty clear that we've become " not OK " . When

people are floored, I think, is when I'm talking and walking around (just a

little slowly perhaps) and they THINK I'm " OK " and then all of a sudden they

realize that I'm NOT. First they don't want to buy it, then when they do

they're a little horrified and it shows. Then they're embarrassed that it

showed. :-)

I think it's polite and appropriate to provide a little opening, and not

just say " fine " when I'm not really fine at all. So my answer is not exactly

upbeat, but it is accurate, and I will try to answer further if someone asks

for more. But of course, " how we are " is pretty relative. Bad as it is, I

know people who are far sicker. So I don't want to be TOO negative. Anyway,

I've become WAY more understanding of others and THEIR illnesses. And I no

longer look right through older people who are moving slowly.

Steve D.

>

> Subject: Re: For Kira, for Adrienne, for Dawn, for Mr. Mohan ---for All of

Us

>

> -How about 'surviving' as a reply..my Dad had MS and that was always

> what he said.

> Gillian-

>

> - In , " ohgminion " wrote:

> > I went through that " How are you doing? " about 20 times yesterday,

> I

> > think I was ready to hit the last person - I smiled sarcastically

> and

> > said " Well enough. "

> >

> > Woe to the person who asks for more details...

> >

> > I talked to someone the other day and said that I have trouble

> > holding my son because I have a neuromuscular disease, and she

> > said " Me too! I have MS! " like it was a great thing. But like

> me,

> > you couldn't tell from looking at her that she is ill at all.

> >

> > I think " Can't complain. " is a good answer, because it means " I

> can't

> > complain because you would be really bored with the details of how

> > miserable I feel right now... " lol

> >

> > Take care,

> > RH