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  • 1 month later...

Isn't it funny how people get " comfortable " with their own definitions of

who we are?

I sent a book called Washington 24/7 to my parents. You could personalize

the cover with your own picture so I made a collage of pictures of Roy and

I at different places in Washington. My Dad loved the book, but didn't know

who the people on the cover were.

I think it's because his definition of who I am still is " the fat

one. " Since I am also the " sensitive one " when I react emotionally it is

" overreacting " even if it isn't.

Don't worry. I won't eat my emotions! I'm actually not an emotional eater,

for the most part. I was always more of a " if it holds still long enough I

might eat it...whether I'm hungry or not...whether it tastes good or

not...whatever. I could eat. " Plus I am strangely " lucky " to have issues

with fats and sugars since my surgery so I pay for it big time if I

overindulge in either area.

I know it will be fine in the long run. We're only really spending three

full days with the family and a few partial days. Then we're off to

Disneyland to unwind!

At 08:20 AM 12/15/2004, cryssyzip wrote:

>Thanks, Tory. I appreciate your response & it seems you are feeling

>in better spirits now. Don't let your family get to you; it would

>be easy to do. Just try to remember to be the at-home Tory, not the

>doormat they see. I'm the same way. My family still sees me as the

>baby, the irresponsible one, the f-up. But in real life I'm

>responsible, in charge, taking care of business, running my

>household. If they don't want to see that, tough luck. It's who I

>am. They are not going to revert me back to high-school Crystal.

>

>Good luck with your family, & don't eat your feelings (but you

>already knew that)!

>

>Rooting for you,

>Crystal

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > >Tory,

> > >

> > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say to you

> > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've

>been

> > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get some

>of

> > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted you

>to

> > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us, and

> > >that I am rooting for you.

> >

> > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me. One of

>the

> > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other

> > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much

>help myself

> > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask for

>it.

> > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? " and

>either

> > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in doing

>so I end

> > up answering some of my OWN questions.

> >

> > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in this

> > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out that: 1.

> > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin, even if

> > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are

>strong

> > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these

>facts

> > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as reality

>is,

> > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical

>truth.

> >

> > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look down

>at times

> > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly

>because I'm

> > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat deposits

>(we ARE

> > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples

>from scar

> > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!)

> >

> > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions, I

>guess. I

> > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find myself

> > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my skinniest

>jeans. Are

> > they tighter?

> >

> > I'm a nutcase! ;)

> >

> > >There is something about being around family that sets us back in

> > >time, isn't there?

> >

> > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory " as

>in, " Oh,

> > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory. She

>won't

> > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of

>computers,

> > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club

>adviser,

> > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family

>I'm " just

> > Tory " ...not someone very important.

> >

> > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my sister.

>She

> > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be in

>California

> > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the opportunity to

>take a

> > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three

>children for

> > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I have

>plans

> > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it

>but...duh) why

> > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean

>PLEASE!

> > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and

>complained to

> > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not like

>she asks

> > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I don't

>think

> > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT a

>liar; my

> > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline.

> >

> > It just communicated to me that:

> >

> > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen my

>sister in

> > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close.

> > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what

>she wants

> > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take a

>plane to

> > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay we're

>here. What

> > do you want to do? "

> > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say no

>if I'm

> > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt me

>into it. "

> > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I was

> > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for

>having us do

> > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day. So

>instead

> > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to fly

>1500

> > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her

>money.

> >

> > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have

>anything

> > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple-

>minded dolt. "

> >

> > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay with

>him and

> > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine.

>Again, " Oh,

> > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay.

>Certainly

> > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think this is

>what

> > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying

>with Craig

> > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half when

>we

> > already have plans to visit Disneyland.)

> >

> > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential, unimportant, " just

>Tory " .

> > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me,

>and because

> > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find

>enough value

> > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I was

>fat...I

> > think those emotions are all intertwined.

> >

> > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World

> > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection &

> > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a little

> > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling clod.

>It

> > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will think

>of

> > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and respected

>by

> > >those you love.

> >

> > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always wanted

>to be an

> > important part of my family and I never have thought that I was.

>Maybe I

> > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly

>always felt

> > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on.

>When they

> > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties

>and " forget "

> > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down,

>though! :D

> >

> > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now.

>Maybe even

> > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me move

>beyond it.

> > Silly!

> >

> > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot off

>a quick

> > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and

>reply to it.

> > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric

>evaluation? Ha ha!

> >

> > >In closing,

> > >

> > >Don't let the man get you down!

> > >

> > >

> > >With respect & congrats for your WI results,

> > >Crystal

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Have a great time Tory!

I definitely eat my emotions, but that is another topic. Today I

need strong & in control vibes coming my way because there is a HUGE

box of truffles in the office. Truffles! Yikes! I'm feeling

tormented!

Holding on for dear life,

Crystal

> > >

> > >

> > > >Tory,

> > > >

> > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say

to you

> > > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've

> >been

> > > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get

some

> >of

> > > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted

you

> >to

> > > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us,

and

> > > >that I am rooting for you.

> > >

> > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me.

One of

> >the

> > > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other

> > > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much

> >help myself

> > > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask

for

> >it.

> > > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? "

and

> >either

> > > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in

doing

> >so I end

> > > up answering some of my OWN questions.

> > >

> > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in

this

> > > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out

that: 1.

> > > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin,

even if

> > > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are

> >strong

> > > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these

> >facts

> > > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as

reality

> >is,

> > > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical

> >truth.

> > >

> > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look

down

> >at times

> > > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly

> >because I'm

> > > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat

deposits

> >(we ARE

> > > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples

> >from scar

> > > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!)

> > >

> > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions,

I

> >guess. I

> > > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find

myself

> > > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my

skinniest

> >jeans. Are

> > > they tighter?

> > >

> > > I'm a nutcase! ;)

> > >

> > > >There is something about being around family that sets us

back in

> > > >time, isn't there?

> > >

> > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory "

as

> >in, " Oh,

> > > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory.

She

> >won't

> > > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of

> >computers,

> > > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club

> >adviser,

> > > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family

> >I'm " just

> > > Tory " ...not someone very important.

> > >

> > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my

sister.

> >She

> > > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be

in

> >California

> > > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the

opportunity to

> >take a

> > > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three

> >children for

> > > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I

have

> >plans

> > > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it

> >but...duh) why

> > > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean

> >PLEASE!

> > > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and

> >complained to

> > > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not

like

> >she asks

> > > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I

don't

> >think

> > > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT

a

> >liar; my

> > > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline.

> > >

> > > It just communicated to me that:

> > >

> > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen

my

> >sister in

> > > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close.

> > > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what

> >she wants

> > > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take

a

> >plane to

> > > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay

we're

> >here. What

> > > do you want to do? "

> > > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say

no

> >if I'm

> > > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt

me

> >into it. "

> > > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I

was

> > > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for

> >having us do

> > > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day.

So

> >instead

> > > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to

fly

> >1500

> > > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her

> >money.

> > >

> > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have

> >anything

> > > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple-

> >minded dolt. "

> > >

> > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay

with

> >him and

> > > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine.

> >Again, " Oh,

> > > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay.

> >Certainly

> > > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think

this is

> >what

> > > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying

> >with Craig

> > > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half

when

> >we

> > > already have plans to visit Disneyland.)

> > >

> > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential,

unimportant, " just

> >Tory " .

> > > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me,

> >and because

> > > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find

> >enough value

> > > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I

was

> >fat...I

> > > think those emotions are all intertwined.

> > >

> > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World

> > > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection &

> > > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a

little

> > > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling

clod.

> >It

> > > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will

think

> >of

> > > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and

respected

> >by

> > > >those you love.

> > >

> > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always

wanted

> >to be an

> > > important part of my family and I never have thought that I

was.

> >Maybe I

> > > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly

> >always felt

> > > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on.

> >When they

> > > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties

> >and " forget "

> > > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down,

> >though! :D

> > >

> > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now.

> >Maybe even

> > > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me

move

> >beyond it.

> > > Silly!

> > >

> > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot

off

> >a quick

> > > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and

> >reply to it.

> > > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric

> >evaluation? Ha ha!

> > >

> > > >In closing,

> > > >

> > > >Don't let the man get you down!

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results,

> > > >Crystal

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

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Hahahaha!

How did you do?

I was given a box of chocolates yesterday...and I bought this sinfully rich

cake for my kids.

Here are my NSVs:

1. Did not eat any of the chocolates. I saved them to give to one of my kids.

2. Did not have a piece of cake (big red light food for me) and did NOT

lick my fingers, the knife, or even have a taste of frosting.

OH! And my one big downfall is free samples. Well yesterday I had a sample

of Chex Mix and a cinnamon roll (sample) and journaled both! Yay me!

At 07:10 AM 12/17/2004, cryssyzip wrote:

>Have a great time Tory!

>

>I definitely eat my emotions, but that is another topic. Today I

>need strong & in control vibes coming my way because there is a HUGE

>box of truffles in the office. Truffles! Yikes! I'm feeling

>tormented!

>

>Holding on for dear life,

>Crystal

>

>

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >Tory,

> > > > >

> > > > >I've been trying for hours to come up with something to say

>to you

> > > > >that would help your state of mind, but I'm at a loss. You've

> > >been

> > > > >so helpful to everyone here that I really wanted you to get

>some

> > >of

> > > > >the benefits back. So, in lieu of good advice, I just wanted

>you

> > >to

> > > > >know that I am here for you, that you inspire so many of us,

>and

> > > > >that I am rooting for you.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks so much Cryssy. That honestly does mean a lot to me.

>One of

> > >the

> > > > reasons I hang out on these lists is that I love to help other

> > > > people...teacher, you know. But it's also because I get so much

> > >help myself

> > > > when things are wonky in my life. Sometimes I don't even ask

>for

> > >it.

> > > > Someone else says " Hey, this is going on with me...any ideas? "

>and

> > >either

> > > > it's the same thing I'm dealing with, or I give ideas and in

>doing

> > >so I end

> > > > up answering some of my OWN questions.

> > > >

> > > > >I think conquering our brains is the last & hardest step in

>this

> > > > >weight loss process. As logical as I could spell it out

>that: 1.

> > > > >You have such a amazing success story. 2. You ARE thin,

>even if

> > > > >you still have a chubby girl brain sometimes and 3. You are

> > >strong

> > > > >and powerful- your emotions will still try to excuse all these

> > >facts

> > > > > & hold you in " fat day " self-concious mode. As real as

>reality

> > >is,

> > > > >sometimes you just can't convince your brain of the physical

> > >truth.

> > > >

> > > > YES! I do have a chubby brain! It amazes me that I can look

>down

> > >at times

> > > > and see only fat. I know on a logical level that this is silly

> > >because I'm

> > > > not fat! What I'm seeing is empty skin, some normal fat

>deposits

> > >(we ARE

> > > > supposed to have fat on our bodies), and a few strange rumples

> > >from scar

> > > > tissue. (Oh yeah. I'm a babe!)

> > > >

> > > > Emotions aren't logical...that's why they are called emotions,

>I

> > >guess. I

> > > > have tried to " logic " my way out of this, but I still find

>myself

> > > > scrutinizing every inch of my body lately. I try on my

>skinniest

> > >jeans. Are

> > > > they tighter?

> > > >

> > > > I'm a nutcase! ;)

> > > >

> > > > >There is something about being around family that sets us

>back in

> > > > >time, isn't there?

> > > >

> > > > Yes ma'am, there is! When I am with my family I am " just Tory "

>as

> > >in, " Oh,

> > > > it's just Tory. She's so sensitive. " or " Oh, it's just Tory.

>She

> > >won't

> > > > mind. " In my house I am Tory; wife, partner, dog-boss, fixer of

> > >computers,

> > > > gardener, runner. At work I'm Tory; teacher, geek-herder, club

> > >adviser,

> > > > mentor, fixer of computers, caretaker. But with my family

> > >I'm " just

> > > > Tory " ...not someone very important.

> > > >

> > > > I think this has been underscored by a situation with my

>sister.

> > >She

> > > > suddenly decided two weeks ago that since we were going to be

>in

> > >California

> > > > (we live in Washington) her and Mike would take the

>opportunity to

> > >take a

> > > > trip of their own and she wanted us to stay with her three

> > >children for

> > > > five days. When I said I'm sorry, but I can't do that since I

>have

> > >plans

> > > > already made, hotels already paid for, and (I didn't say it

> > >but...duh) why

> > > > in the WORLD would I want to go on vacation and babysit? I mean

> > >PLEASE!

> > > > Anyhow, when I said I couldn't do that she got very angry and

> > >complained to

> > > > my other sister that I'm selfish and a liar (because it's not

>like

> > >she asks

> > > > for much). Well...ummm...that's much. That very very much. I

>don't

> > >think

> > > > I'm selfish because I've already made plans. I'm certainly NOT

>a

> > >liar; my

> > > > hotel is pre-paid since we use Priceline.

> > > >

> > > > It just communicated to me that:

> > > >

> > > > 1. I'm not important enough to spend time with. I haven't seen

>my

> > >sister in

> > > > a year and a half. We're actually usually pretty close.

> > > > 2. I couldn't possibly have plans that are as important as what

> > >she wants

> > > > to do. What? Did she think we were going to spend $500 to take

>a

> > >plane to

> > > > LAX, step off the plane, look at each other and say, " Okay

>we're

> > >here. What

> > > > do you want to do? "

> > > > 3. Since I'm " just Tory " I don't really have the right to say

>no

> > >if I'm

> > > > asked for something. She had told my mom that she could " guilt

>me

> > >into it. "

> > > > 4. There is not a whole lot of respect for me since she felt I

>was

> > > > " guiltable " and on top of that one of her rationalizations for

> > >having us do

> > > > it was that otherwise she'd have to pay a service $170 a day.

>So

> > >instead

> > > > she felt it was reasonable for me to pay for the two of us to

>fly

> > >1500

> > > > miles to California, give up half of our vacation, and save her

> > >money.

> > > >

> > > > In other words, " Oh, it's just Tory. She can't possibly have

> > >anything

> > > > important going on. I can con her into it. She's such a simple-

> > >minded dolt. "

> > > >

> > > > On top of this my brother took back his offer to have us stay

>with

> > >him and

> > > > didn't tell me, but instead I heard this through the grapevine.

> > >Again, " Oh,

> > > > it's just Tory. She won't mind if now she has nowhere to stay.

> > >Certainly

> > > > there's a box on the street corner she can find. " (I think

>this is

> > >what

> > > > precipitated Tammy asking if we'd babysit, but we were staying

> > >with Craig

> > > > the first half of the trip, and she wanted us the second half

>when

> > >we

> > > > already have plans to visit Disneyland.)

> > > >

> > > > So suddenly I feel like fat, inconsequential,

>unimportant, " just

> > >Tory " .

> > > > Because these feelings are feelings my family brings out in me,

> > >and because

> > > > it wasn't until my family moved away that I was able to find

> > >enough value

> > > > in who I am to lose weight, and because when they were here I

>was

> > >fat...I

> > > > think those emotions are all intertwined.

> > > >

> > > > >Now, stop kicking yourself for ignoring hunger in Third World

> > > > >countries while you're having a little personal reflection &

> > > > >turmoil. You're not a saint, and you're allowed to have a

>little

> > > > >self-image trouble without branding yourself an unfeeling

>clod.

> > >It

> > > > >is not selfish or vain to worry about what your family will

>think

> > >of

> > > > >you. It's perfectly natural. You want to be loved and

>respected

> > >by

> > > > >those you love.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you! Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I have always

>wanted

> > >to be an

> > > > important part of my family and I never have thought that I

>was.

> > >Maybe I

> > > > am. My perception might be completely off. But I've honestly

> > >always felt

> > > > like an afterthought. Okay, my perception is probably right on.

> > >When they

> > > > DID live here, less than a mile from me, they'd have parties

> > >and " forget "

> > > > to invite me. I did get called when the computers broke down,

> > >though! :D

> > > >

> > > > So I guess it's okay if I'm a little self-involved right now.

> > >Maybe even

> > > > just giving myself permission to have fat days will help me

>move

> > >beyond it.

> > > > Silly!

> > > >

> > > > Thank you Crystal! Now you can see why I didn't want to shoot

>off

> > >a quick

> > > > response yesterday. I wanted to really read what you said and

> > >reply to it.

> > > > So who do I make the check out to for my hour of psychiatric

> > >evaluation? Ha ha!

> > > >

> > > > >In closing,

> > > > >

> > > > >Don't let the man get you down!

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >With respect & congrats for your WI results,

> > > > >Crystal

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

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Hi, Becky! NSVs are Non-Scale Victories, like fitting into new (smaller)

clothes, receiving compliments, realizing you now understand what it means

to eat only until you are satisfied... a whole huge list of accomplishments that

have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale.

Hope that helps --

JB

-- In Serious-Weight-Watchers , Rebicat@a... wrote:

> Hi Everyone- What are NSV's?

> Thanks!

> Becky

>

>

>

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