Re: For Sharon and others

June 21, 2004

Sharon

I am so glad that you posted what you did...not because I'm glad you're mad

at yourself, but because wow...I was really offended by your original post

because it seemed aimed at specific people (me among them) and it seemed to

come out of nowhere.

But now I see where it comes from...and honey, we have ALL been there...at

least I'm willing to bet we have.

I have lost and kept off 100 pounds, but it wasn't until I stopped hating

myself and aiming my barbs and arrows at myself that I was able to do it and

do it right. See there was no value in Tory. She was a loser. She was fat.

She was disgusting. She wasn't worth the effort it took to take off weight,

much less keep it off. My aunt gave me some pictures of me from high school

this weekend and I looked at that beautiful, thin girl and remembered that

in my mind's eye I was FAT FAT FAT and ugly and worthless. I saw no reason

to NOT gain the weight. I remember specifically thinking one time " I just

want to get fat and get it over with because I'm going to BE fat all my life

anyhow. Why bother to watch what I eat? I'm fat anyhow. Why exercise? It

hurts.

It almost kills me to admit that because I've always wanted to exude self

confidence, but I didn't. I didn't feel worthy of so many things. I was the

" loser " of the family and I put myself in that spot, because I was fat. I

practically BEGGED for friendship and attention from inappropriate people,

because I was fat. I didn't think I should even try to accomplish certain

things I yearned for, because I was fat.

I hear that same thing in your post. You are angry with yourself and you

just want to scream. You know the MECHANICS of weight loss. We all do. Eat

less, move more, lose weight...easy. But the psychology of weight loss goes

SO much deeper.

First you have to believe you're worth it.

You have to believe you can do it.

You have to love yourself so fiercely that you can't NOT do it because

taking care of your body is an act of self love.

Then you have to reach out and build a support system made up of people near

you, articles that support your efforts, success stories, mailing lists,

blogs...whatever it takes. I think it's Dr. Phil that talks about an

" atmosphere of success " . You know who the most important part of this

support system is, though, it's you. You are the ONLY one who will always be

there for you, that's why the first step, self love, is imperative. When

your friend has let you down and quit the workout group, and your daughter

is eating a rasher of bacon and bragging about how she now fits into size

8s, and your scale moved down only .2 of a pound, you have to be able to say

to yourself, " Self, you're doing the right thing. You're getting healthy.

You're getting strong. You are SO worth it. Who cares what others are

doing? "

Then you come here and you say " Help! I need support and SOMEONE will be

there for you. I promise. "

As for posts about running and weight loss...hey, that's what I need. I need

to be able to say to people who UNDERSTAND what it's like to go from 222

pounds to making goal " I ran three miles today! " because you know what?

People who have always been thin and athletic don't understand one bit what

a miracle it is to me to be able to run, or bike, or swim, or make a fitness

goal and reach it. You see. You build yourself up into a no fail type of

lady living in a no fail atmosphere and you'll be posting soon " I lost three

pounds this week! " or " You know, I've started a new exercise program and I

want to tell you how I feel about it. "

And you know what? Someone who is new and struggling will read that and

think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. I wish I could do that...I never could. I'm

too fat. "

And then maybe a few seconds later she might think, " ...or could I? "

> Re: For Sharon and others

>

> Thanks for understanding the gist of my note Lyn.

>

> Personally, I am fed up with ME! I have lost over a hundred

> pounds 3 times before, only to put it back on. It is hell to

> lose, gain it all back, plus humiliating. I am fed up with

> ME because I can't see to get my 'mind' set to do anything!

> I tell myself I WANT to but I DON'T. I got up this morning

> with the full intention of getting started, but a couple of

> things happened right off the bat & as some of you might

> know, there are certain days one could not get started or

> stay on a diet or healthy eating plan if their life depended

> on it. Today was that type of day for me.

>

> Then I have an 18-year old daughter who has lost 45 pounds on

> the Atkins diet and only has about 15-20 pounds to being at a

> really good size.

> I went to Costco the other day, bought some junk I shouldn't

> have, then turn around & ask myself why did I do that? I

> gave it all to my son who was visiting today, but my daughter

> had seen a couple of things, got into both of them and right

> now is downstairs eating - - - - -I don't know if we can

> mention foods here for not, but I will just say it is

> something that isn't good for ANYONE to eat.

>

> Not only am I battling with myself but I am learning the pain

> that only a Mother (I think) feels - - - - - let me just say,

> I have been there, I don't want my daughter to ever need to

> lose over a 100 pounds, I don't want to see her lose what she

> has & start gaining the 45 pounds back, but I also understand

> she is 18 & I have no control over what she or anyone else

> puts in their mouth. I ONLY have control of MYSELF - - and

> right now, I Can't even seem to obtain that.

>

> I hope this isn't considered whining on this Board. I am

> interested in knowing how others have pulled themselves up by

> the boot straps and got back on program or any other diet. I

> shouldn't even have to be asking this!!! I have done it

> before, I should be able to do it again

>

> I was reading an article this past week that asked if one

> eats from emotional hunger, if when feelings, pain, etc. are

> too close to the surface, if one reverts back to the comfort

> foods one knew as a child. Everytime I stick something in my

> mouth, I am asking myself this question, because I am NOT

> Eating because I am hungry; it is for some other reason.

>

> Lyn, I definitely think most peoples problems with being

> overweight stems from one's mindset, that 98% of it is

> psychological & it is making me mad at myself that I back

> where I once was. Oh, I am not as big as I was at one point,

> but I could definitely lose almost a hundred pounds. Don't

> tell me to try counseling because I have been that route

> before & none of them are interested. They all think I am so

> normal that after seeing me a few times, they send me on my

> way. This hasn't been just 1 or 2, but several counsellors.

>

> And yes Lyn, I have lost over 100 pounds before & I would hit

> several plateaus in the process, but each time I hit one, I

> kept telling myself it was a plateau, if I would just keep on

> with keeping on with what I had been doing, those scales

> would eventually start moving again . . and sure enough, they

> would. I have also read that when one hits a plateau, to

> change one's routine of eating in some little way, to maybe

> eat a little less, or a little more of something healthy, or

> instead of doing 30 minutes of exercise, to kick it up to 45 minutes.

>

> Well, I was headed for bed when I checked my E-mails & found

> this message. I didn't realize I was quite so angry until I

> got started writing.

> I realize all that anger is directed at ME, as I hope all of

> you will also realize it. I am just fed up with me for being

> so weak right this moment. Lyn, if this is what you call the

> meat & potatoes part, well here is my portion for the night.

> Yes, when others are having battles, I would appreciate

> it if they would share, as maybe it would help at least one of us.

>

> The hoo-rahs & I lost so & so is great for those doing it & I

> realize they are tickled pink to be able to post such

> messages, but right now, they have

> only served to make me more mad at myself. Thanks for

> listening to me.

> Sharon

> My friend is quitting WW

> >

> > Hello everyone!

> >

> > I started Weight Watchers with a friend of mine. She is

> probably

> going

> > to quit - and I guess I knew from the beginning that

> she probably

> would.

> >

> > I thought it was a great idea to join with her. We could go to

> meetings

> > together, we could support eachother...etc..etc...I guess I had

> this

> > notion of the way we would do this together...but the reality

> wasn't so

> > great.

> >

> > She had a breast reduction a couple months ago (cancer related)

> and had

> > 8 pounds of breast tissue removed. Of course, when she weighed

> in, she

> > made a big deal out of losing 9 lbs that week. She would make a

> point to

> > tell me every week how much more she had lost than I

> did and how

> she was

> > " beating " me....I never said anything to her about it,

> but every

> time

> > she'd celebrate a success after that, I'd be thinking, " Well,

> yeah, you

> > lost 15 lbs so far, but 8 of it was your boobs. "

> >

> > (now you know what kind of thoughts run through my head...hope

> that

> > isn't totally shocking)

> >

> > Anyway...every week felt like a competition and it never felt

> supportive

> > in any way.

> >

> > So anyway...we'd both been on a plateau for about 4 weeks and

> about two

> > weeks ago, I decided, " that's it! I'm going for this.

> I'm getting

> > serious! " and I'm losing again. (and SO glad I found

> this list!)

> She is

> > still on a plateau (even gained a bit) and she gets really

> negative if I

> > lose and she doesn't.

> >

> > I really think she's going to quit (everything is

> pointing to it)

> and I

> > have mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, I'll almost be

> relieved.

> > To have that competitive feeling be gone each time I weigh

> in...having

> > her ask me how much I lost....but then on the other hand, can I

> do this

> > alone?

> >

> > I'm worried that I can't. Or won't. But ultimately I

> think I have

> to.

> > Even with meetings and a supportive email group like you gals

> (and guys

> > if there are any out there!) ultimately, don't we all have to

> make these

> > daily eating and exercising decisions alone?

> >

> > in CO

> >

June 22, 2004

Thank you Tory!!! I read Sharon's post yesterday and have been thinking about

it ever since. I wanted to say something that could inpire her to understand

that people do care and she is worth the efforts that she is putting forth to

get healthy, but just couldn't come up with the right words. Well, you did!!!!

This is a very inspiring post and I for one totally agree with it!!!

Maureen

My friend is quitting WW

> >