RE: to let the child make the choice...or not

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I think it is through these open discussions with the child that

they get

> some input to the decision making. They feel involved, they learn

about the

> options, and us as parents get good feedback from them.

Hmmmmmmmmm. I work in Special Ed. The kids in our Junior High room

deal with mostly reading disabilities. Bright kids that can't read.

I was in the room the next step down before this. Kids with slower

processing. Sixteen year olds that think like 12 year olds. Before

that I was in High School self contained with integration. Most of

those kids struggled in math but went out to regular computer,

science, history classes. I also have the pleasure and sometimes

displeasure of working with the parents. I've yet to see one of

those parents who really know what is going on with those kids as far

as what they deal with peers. I've seen them insist on putting their

kids in situations where the kids DO NOT want to be. Has any child

bothered to tell mom or dad? No. Do we? We're like the kids.

Almost 100% of the time, when we start to tell them, we find they are

so convinced they already know that we back off. It is not worth

alienating the parent teacher relationship. From 4 to somewhere

around 11 years old they want to please parents and will say what

they think those parents want to hear. At 12 on they just quit

talking or go into all out rebellion depending on the child.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Are we listening or is that our justification as we

unconciously lead our children into their answers?

I think ultimately,

> it is the parent that makes the decision, but based on what they

know, AS

> WELL AS what they get from their child. I agree that you shouldn't

ask a 6

> year old Reconstruction or BAHA? without a lot of guidance.

If they need this much guidance I doubt they should have a say in the

decision.

> the kind of child that was really shy, self-conscious, and always

wanted to

> hide his ears, we might have made different choices. But I don't

know,

> because that isn't our situation.

is now the age where you are going to begin to see that is

becoming your situation.

>

>

> But I think it is important to involve the child, so they feel they

> have some input/control over their own lives.

That is what teen years are for.

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I think it is through these open discussions with the child that

they get

> some input to the decision making. They feel involved, they learn

about the

> options, and us as parents get good feedback from them.

Hmmmmmmmmm. I work in Special Ed. The kids in our Junior High room

deal with mostly reading disabilities. Bright kids that can't read.

I was in the room the next step down before this. Kids with slower

processing. Sixteen year olds that think like 12 year olds. Before

that I was in High School self contained with integration. Most of

those kids struggled in math but went out to regular computer,

science, history classes. I also have the pleasure and sometimes

displeasure of working with the parents. I've yet to see one of

those parents who really know what is going on with those kids as far

as what they deal with peers. I've seen them insist on putting their

kids in situations where the kids DO NOT want to be. Has any child

bothered to tell mom or dad? No. Do we? We're like the kids.

Almost 100% of the time, when we start to tell them, we find they are

so convinced they already know that we back off. It is not worth

alienating the parent teacher relationship. From 4 to somewhere

around 11 years old they want to please parents and will say what

they think those parents want to hear. At 12 on they just quit

talking or go into all out rebellion depending on the child.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Are we listening or is that our justification as we

unconciously lead our children into their answers?

I think ultimately,

> it is the parent that makes the decision, but based on what they

know, AS

> WELL AS what they get from their child. I agree that you shouldn't

ask a 6

> year old Reconstruction or BAHA? without a lot of guidance.

If they need this much guidance I doubt they should have a say in the

decision.

> the kind of child that was really shy, self-conscious, and always

wanted to

> hide his ears, we might have made different choices. But I don't

know,

> because that isn't our situation.

is now the age where you are going to begin to see that is

becoming your situation.

>

>

> But I think it is important to involve the child, so they feel they

> have some input/control over their own lives.

That is what teen years are for.

>

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmmmmm. I work in Special Ed. The kids in our Junior High room deal with mostly reading disabilities. Bright kids that can't read.

I was in the room the next step down before this. Kids with slower processing. Sixteen year olds that think like 12 year olds. Before that I was in High School self contained with integration. Most of those kids struggled in math but went out to regular computer, science, history classes. I also have the pleasure and sometimes displeasure of working with the parents. I've yet to see one of those parents who really know what is going on with those kids as far as what they deal with peers. I've seen them insist on putting their kids in situations where the kids DO NOT want to be. Has any child bothered to tell mom or dad? No. Do we? We're like the kids.

Almost 100% of the time, when we start to tell them, we find they are so convinced they already know that we back off. It is not worth alienating the parent teacher relationship. From 4 to somewhere around 11 years old they want to please parents and will say what they think those parents want to hear. At 12 on they just quit talking or go into all out rebellion depending on the child.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Are we listening or is that our justification as we unconciously lead our children into their answers?

wow!

thanks for the professional input!

some people sure do have their heads in funny places..

guys like you have tough jobs to tell 'em to straighten out..

jack

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmmmmm. I work in Special Ed. The kids in our Junior High room deal with mostly reading disabilities. Bright kids that can't read.

I was in the room the next step down before this. Kids with slower processing. Sixteen year olds that think like 12 year olds. Before that I was in High School self contained with integration. Most of those kids struggled in math but went out to regular computer, science, history classes. I also have the pleasure and sometimes displeasure of working with the parents. I've yet to see one of those parents who really know what is going on with those kids as far as what they deal with peers. I've seen them insist on putting their kids in situations where the kids DO NOT want to be. Has any child bothered to tell mom or dad? No. Do we? We're like the kids.

Almost 100% of the time, when we start to tell them, we find they are so convinced they already know that we back off. It is not worth alienating the parent teacher relationship. From 4 to somewhere around 11 years old they want to please parents and will say what they think those parents want to hear. At 12 on they just quit talking or go into all out rebellion depending on the child.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Are we listening or is that our justification as we unconciously lead our children into their answers?

wow!

thanks for the professional input!

some people sure do have their heads in funny places..

guys like you have tough jobs to tell 'em to straighten out..

jack

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmmmmm. I work in Special Ed. The kids in our Junior High room deal with mostly reading disabilities. Bright kids that can't read.

I was in the room the next step down before this. Kids with slower processing. Sixteen year olds that think like 12 year olds. Before that I was in High School self contained with integration. Most of those kids struggled in math but went out to regular computer, science, history classes. I also have the pleasure and sometimes displeasure of working with the parents. I've yet to see one of those parents who really know what is going on with those kids as far as what they deal with peers. I've seen them insist on putting their kids in situations where the kids DO NOT want to be. Has any child bothered to tell mom or dad? No. Do we? We're like the kids.

Almost 100% of the time, when we start to tell them, we find they are so convinced they already know that we back off. It is not worth alienating the parent teacher relationship. From 4 to somewhere around 11 years old they want to please parents and will say what they think those parents want to hear. At 12 on they just quit talking or go into all out rebellion depending on the child.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Are we listening or is that our justification as we unconciously lead our children into their answers?

wow!

thanks for the professional input!

some people sure do have their heads in funny places..

guys like you have tough jobs to tell 'em to straighten out..

jack

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>perhaps Connie is unable to have children?!?!

Well, yes, at age 56, I'm definitely past child-bearing age!

But, seriously.... At the time my husband and I were engaged, we discussed

the issue of children and it occurred to me that hey, maybe I'd better find

out more about this Treacher thing, as at that time I really didn't

know much about the rare syndrome with which I had been born. I was working

at the Library of Congress and so spent many lunch hours in the stacks

poring over medical textbooks. It was then that I learned that, yes,

although it can start with a spontaneous mutation of genes, TCS definitely

has a genetic component and that because I have it, the chances were 50%-50%

PER CHILD that I would pass it on... and the degree of severity could be

more or less than my own situation. I sat in the stacks staring at photos

in the textbooks...photos of people WHO LOOKED LIKE ME. Wow. (Until that

time, I had only met one other person with TCS, and I was 23 years old.)

One photo of a family group was really striking. There were the parents

(Mom was affected, I think, but only mildly) and then there were the four

children, all of whom had TCS. I could have slipped into that picture and

been part of that family as far as physical appearance went... Years and

years later after seeing that photograph it still stays with me...

I discussed this whole issue with my fiance, feeling that if he were keen on

having his own children then maybe I wasn't the right woman for him to

marry. He and I both realized during our many discussions that first of

all, we didn't want to put ourselves and our parents through the whole TCS

thing again, and secondly, that we weren't really that child-oriented. We

could have chosen not to have our own biological children but instead

adopted, but we eventually decided that we just really did not want to have

children at all.

He died at the age of 53, leaving me a widow at age 43. In some ways at

that time I rather regretted that I didn't have a child or children, some

living piece of my husband and myself, but I also realized that it was much

better that I didn't have to try and cope with my own grief and help a child

or children with the grieving process and loss of a father, too...

--Connie