I am new to this group and feel very much alone

[Guest guest]

I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and crying. I

have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for over 2

yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel

surgery. My symptoms appeared about a month after the surgery and I

spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find out

what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me that he

tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it isn't, I

hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my

benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed

office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my

employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying that I

never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had my

wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones who

diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life has

been hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the surgery for

this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened. I am a

little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and yet

they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration problems,

which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts that it

is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall asleep

sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with Vicodin,

it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have constant

severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I find

that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have tried

various other meds but Vicodin seems to work the best. I have taken

behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical therapy

and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist once a

month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and am

also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I can

even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and limited use

of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it real

tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I overdo

it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very

supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know month

to month if I will get a check. During all of this my husband had

surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was diagnosed

bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up there

also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing out

my friends and family with this and really need to communicate with

people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I don't

have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be disabled?

People don't understand what they can't see and they don't know how

much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of

this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I keep

thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to give me

a job where I can work when I want and not get upset if I am too

tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I don't

have a college degree to get something else. What I would like to

do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with computers

but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My lack

of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and oven

on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been before. I

tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what I did

yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no more.

I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and shopping

lists. If I don't write it down, I will never remember it. My life

is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good friends. I

can count on them for anything. They have been there for both my

husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like it

when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my shoes.