Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 Oh my gosh TJ, I don't know what to say.......except I am sorry you are having to go through this. Mine are younger and they are immediately punished for any type of fighting/arguing behavior. Hopefully it won't come to this when they get older. My advice, though....neither son should be allowed ot hit the other. You don't know which ones have it and which ones don't, first of all. you can't always tell by looking at someone. My Ginny looks completely opposite of me, with small eyes, pug nose, little hypermobility....and she is positive. My other son, who is very hypermobile, has large eyes, thin nose, etc......was negative. I even had him tested twice to be sure their samples weren't mixed up. So, I know there has been no errors. but with out testing there is no way to be sure. Also, violence of any sort should not be tolerated. How to do this? I am not sure as your sixteen year old would be harder to discipline, but the eleven year old should not be out of reach yet. Even the sixteen year old should have privledges taken away. Ginny is 18 and if she wants to live in this house and be a part of this family, she knows she needs to follow rules just like everyone else. Being a teenager does not exept her from appropriate, responsible behavior. she has privledges taken away if she misbehaves. i don't know if this helps you or not, but you know one thing with me TJ...... I am here if you need to vent. Take care. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 TJ has left the list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 TJ, I do not have any children. But your plate sounds so full. I too am in severe pain just about everywhere. I do what I can. But no way to relax, I can't get into a warm tub to chill out. It sounds like your children are testing you and/ or having displaced anxiety/anger over their sibling's death. Maybe a few family counseling sessions would be of benefit with a LCSW to let them vent and express their fears, concerns, etc. For you maybe a mild anti-anxiety agent for the horrible days just to de-stress. I can't get out either without my husbans's help. Please hang in there! Pain meds won't help with the overwhelming anxiety/stress you are feeling. Just maybe a light dose of Buspar or xanax would help. The boys acting out is another complex issue. I too am dealing with SSD issues, more surgery, limited mobility. But I don't have children, just cats. Maybe someone else in the group can help you more with that issue. These are just suggestions. Good luck, best wishes, don't give up! Sincerely, S. Thank you for your kind words to me about my kitty! Does Anyone else? I know I dont say a whole lot here on the board- but I do read all that goes through...... I am experiencing severe pain and am on quite a few medications....... which - to me- means- I shouldn't be so miserable........ Don't get me wrong- I know it could be much worse........ My EDS is type IV-and after all the surgeries etc that I've been through- which the information was on my site that I posted a while ago- ( the one with cell phone damage) .... I am on morphine, lorcet, wellbutrin, high blood pressure pill,, water pill, and a fewother things but must say- none help when STRESS IS HIGH....... I most times can handle stress but once I get the stress problem out of my mind- it goes to body parts - it seems........ My biggest stressor today is something we all have to deal with ( I think ? ) if we have kids. I have a 16 yr old and 11 yr old boy....... I can be getting around just fine with cane/or furniture but if these 2 start in with their bickering on top of all the other stressors- one being housebound for 2 years- not being able to go outside for a walk to walk off the stress or even go for a drive because I cant drive now - ugh.......... I resort to showers- web site making, sleep to relieve stress...... What I really want to know is- does this happen to others? I can be gettin around almost normally and when those 2 go at it, big time downfall- I am flat on my rear end for the rest of the day as my legs and body become so drenched in pain from the stress of their arguing and I instantly want to just close my eyes and go to sleep but cant due to the pain....... I end up on an amigo or wheelchair to get around and its basically from hollering at those 2. The disgusting language they use...... they know its not allowed - yet I feel they tend to test to the max even more because Mom is ill and they know Mom cant really do a whole lot of damage to them ( like chase them around and force them to sit etc )........ I am at wit's end....... Tattling on eachother for swearing- yet swearing themselves.............. mercy.......... And my 11 yr old is a pretty good candidate in my eyes to have EDS as he is fair skinned and bruises easily too which Ive mentioned before but he's brave- he smacks the older one - the older one smacks him and I have explained to the older one ( not in front of the younger one ) that he needs to NOT HIT and just walk away- go to his room- anything to get away from eachother.......because he could possibly cause the younger one a lot more damage than he thinks ...... Both know they lost a 12 year old brother to aneurysm on kidney - yet does this cross either ones mind when they are smacking eachother and hollering bad language etc...... Im divorced, live with the older child but the younger one is here often as unjustifiably he was taken from moms care and placed in his dads care whom wants nothing except for me to have a miserable life, even to the point of calling me a faker etc when I even had a hole in my leg! I do have my parents - a field away- but why should I have to constantly call for help...... What will make these 2 understand they are tearing mom apart? They see me go from walkin to kitchen with cane to being almost not able to move and having to resort to the scooter or wheelchair and still it does not seem to wake them up! I asked them - is it going to take me being hospitalized or what to make you boys see that all this bickering is really hurting your mother! Please tell me Im not alone! I've not said it outloud- but - when this goes on - I think death would be better!!!!!!!!!!! And of course say to myself ( I HATE MY LIFE ).... Sorry for ranting on about this, Im at wits end and drained.......... Ive done everything- seperating them- grounding etc.......... whats left to do beside end up in an insane asylum.............. I have divorce/custody problems to deal with- trying to get SSI problems- etc......... how much am I suppsed to take.................. Thank God for my faith in HIM, if I didnt have that- I dont know what I'd do.......... A mom with EDS at wits End- TJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 TJ, I do not have any children. But your plate sounds so full. I too am in severe pain just about everywhere. I do what I can. But no way to relax, I can't get into a warm tub to chill out. It sounds like your children are testing you and/ or having displaced anxiety/anger over their sibling's death. Maybe a few family counseling sessions would be of benefit with a LCSW to let them vent and express their fears, concerns, etc. For you maybe a mild anti-anxiety agent for the horrible days just to de-stress. I can't get out either without my husbans's help. Please hang in there! Pain meds won't help with the overwhelming anxiety/stress you are feeling. Just maybe a light dose of Buspar or xanax would help. The boys acting out is another complex issue. I too am dealing with SSD issues, more surgery, limited mobility. But I don't have children, just cats. Maybe someone else in the group can help you more with that issue. These are just suggestions. Good luck, best wishes, don't give up! Sincerely, S. Thank you for your kind words to me about my kitty! Does Anyone else? I know I dont say a whole lot here on the board- but I do read all that goes through...... I am experiencing severe pain and am on quite a few medications....... which - to me- means- I shouldn't be so miserable........ Don't get me wrong- I know it could be much worse........ My EDS is type IV-and after all the surgeries etc that I've been through- which the information was on my site that I posted a while ago- ( the one with cell phone damage) .... I am on morphine, lorcet, wellbutrin, high blood pressure pill,, water pill, and a fewother things but must say- none help when STRESS IS HIGH....... I most times can handle stress but once I get the stress problem out of my mind- it goes to body parts - it seems........ My biggest stressor today is something we all have to deal with ( I think ? ) if we have kids. I have a 16 yr old and 11 yr old boy....... I can be getting around just fine with cane/or furniture but if these 2 start in with their bickering on top of all the other stressors- one being housebound for 2 years- not being able to go outside for a walk to walk off the stress or even go for a drive because I cant drive now - ugh.......... I resort to showers- web site making, sleep to relieve stress...... What I really want to know is- does this happen to others? I can be gettin around almost normally and when those 2 go at it, big time downfall- I am flat on my rear end for the rest of the day as my legs and body become so drenched in pain from the stress of their arguing and I instantly want to just close my eyes and go to sleep but cant due to the pain....... I end up on an amigo or wheelchair to get around and its basically from hollering at those 2. The disgusting language they use...... they know its not allowed - yet I feel they tend to test to the max even more because Mom is ill and they know Mom cant really do a whole lot of damage to them ( like chase them around and force them to sit etc )........ I am at wit's end....... Tattling on eachother for swearing- yet swearing themselves.............. mercy.......... And my 11 yr old is a pretty good candidate in my eyes to have EDS as he is fair skinned and bruises easily too which Ive mentioned before but he's brave- he smacks the older one - the older one smacks him and I have explained to the older one ( not in front of the younger one ) that he needs to NOT HIT and just walk away- go to his room- anything to get away from eachother.......because he could possibly cause the younger one a lot more damage than he thinks ...... Both know they lost a 12 year old brother to aneurysm on kidney - yet does this cross either ones mind when they are smacking eachother and hollering bad language etc...... Im divorced, live with the older child but the younger one is here often as unjustifiably he was taken from moms care and placed in his dads care whom wants nothing except for me to have a miserable life, even to the point of calling me a faker etc when I even had a hole in my leg! I do have my parents - a field away- but why should I have to constantly call for help...... What will make these 2 understand they are tearing mom apart? They see me go from walkin to kitchen with cane to being almost not able to move and having to resort to the scooter or wheelchair and still it does not seem to wake them up! I asked them - is it going to take me being hospitalized or what to make you boys see that all this bickering is really hurting your mother! Please tell me Im not alone! I've not said it outloud- but - when this goes on - I think death would be better!!!!!!!!!!! And of course say to myself ( I HATE MY LIFE ).... Sorry for ranting on about this, Im at wits end and drained.......... Ive done everything- seperating them- grounding etc.......... whats left to do beside end up in an insane asylum.............. I have divorce/custody problems to deal with- trying to get SSI problems- etc......... how much am I suppsed to take.................. Thank God for my faith in HIM, if I didnt have that- I dont know what I'd do.......... A mom with EDS at wits End- TJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 TJ, I do not have any children. But your plate sounds so full. I too am in severe pain just about everywhere. I do what I can. But no way to relax, I can't get into a warm tub to chill out. It sounds like your children are testing you and/ or having displaced anxiety/anger over their sibling's death. Maybe a few family counseling sessions would be of benefit with a LCSW to let them vent and express their fears, concerns, etc. For you maybe a mild anti-anxiety agent for the horrible days just to de-stress. I can't get out either without my husbans's help. Please hang in there! Pain meds won't help with the overwhelming anxiety/stress you are feeling. Just maybe a light dose of Buspar or xanax would help. The boys acting out is another complex issue. I too am dealing with SSD issues, more surgery, limited mobility. But I don't have children, just cats. Maybe someone else in the group can help you more with that issue. These are just suggestions. Good luck, best wishes, don't give up! Sincerely, S. Thank you for your kind words to me about my kitty! Does Anyone else? I know I dont say a whole lot here on the board- but I do read all that goes through...... I am experiencing severe pain and am on quite a few medications....... which - to me- means- I shouldn't be so miserable........ Don't get me wrong- I know it could be much worse........ My EDS is type IV-and after all the surgeries etc that I've been through- which the information was on my site that I posted a while ago- ( the one with cell phone damage) .... I am on morphine, lorcet, wellbutrin, high blood pressure pill,, water pill, and a fewother things but must say- none help when STRESS IS HIGH....... I most times can handle stress but once I get the stress problem out of my mind- it goes to body parts - it seems........ My biggest stressor today is something we all have to deal with ( I think ? ) if we have kids. I have a 16 yr old and 11 yr old boy....... I can be getting around just fine with cane/or furniture but if these 2 start in with their bickering on top of all the other stressors- one being housebound for 2 years- not being able to go outside for a walk to walk off the stress or even go for a drive because I cant drive now - ugh.......... I resort to showers- web site making, sleep to relieve stress...... What I really want to know is- does this happen to others? I can be gettin around almost normally and when those 2 go at it, big time downfall- I am flat on my rear end for the rest of the day as my legs and body become so drenched in pain from the stress of their arguing and I instantly want to just close my eyes and go to sleep but cant due to the pain....... I end up on an amigo or wheelchair to get around and its basically from hollering at those 2. The disgusting language they use...... they know its not allowed - yet I feel they tend to test to the max even more because Mom is ill and they know Mom cant really do a whole lot of damage to them ( like chase them around and force them to sit etc )........ I am at wit's end....... Tattling on eachother for swearing- yet swearing themselves.............. mercy.......... And my 11 yr old is a pretty good candidate in my eyes to have EDS as he is fair skinned and bruises easily too which Ive mentioned before but he's brave- he smacks the older one - the older one smacks him and I have explained to the older one ( not in front of the younger one ) that he needs to NOT HIT and just walk away- go to his room- anything to get away from eachother.......because he could possibly cause the younger one a lot more damage than he thinks ...... Both know they lost a 12 year old brother to aneurysm on kidney - yet does this cross either ones mind when they are smacking eachother and hollering bad language etc...... Im divorced, live with the older child but the younger one is here often as unjustifiably he was taken from moms care and placed in his dads care whom wants nothing except for me to have a miserable life, even to the point of calling me a faker etc when I even had a hole in my leg! I do have my parents - a field away- but why should I have to constantly call for help...... What will make these 2 understand they are tearing mom apart? They see me go from walkin to kitchen with cane to being almost not able to move and having to resort to the scooter or wheelchair and still it does not seem to wake them up! I asked them - is it going to take me being hospitalized or what to make you boys see that all this bickering is really hurting your mother! Please tell me Im not alone! I've not said it outloud- but - when this goes on - I think death would be better!!!!!!!!!!! And of course say to myself ( I HATE MY LIFE ).... Sorry for ranting on about this, Im at wits end and drained.......... Ive done everything- seperating them- grounding etc.......... whats left to do beside end up in an insane asylum.............. I have divorce/custody problems to deal with- trying to get SSI problems- etc......... how much am I suppsed to take.................. Thank God for my faith in HIM, if I didnt have that- I dont know what I'd do.......... A mom with EDS at wits End- TJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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