For all of your Welcomes: I'm Afraid I Teared Up

March 6, 2004

My name is le and I am a student at the

University of Washington in Political Science.

I am unsure if I belong to this group, because though I have been

diagnosed repeatedly with lupus by different specialists at different

times, the current agreement now, at the age of 23, is " immuo-

impaired by auto-immune disease(s) unknown " . So all anyone tells me

for sure is what I already knew-that my body has been crashing since

age 12 with more frequency and severity than my hated PC.

I have had daily/severe migraines since age 11, they started at age

4, I have hypo-thyroidism, Reynauds syndrom, dysthymia with

occasional clinical (the fantastic double depression), anxiety and

panic attacks. They now suspect Chronic Fatigue, and I can only stay

awake by taking heavy, daily doses of Provigil (a drug for Narcolepsy

that's still being tested for that limited use.) I also pass out for

extended periods for unknown reasons and have heart issues: mostly

irregular or too fast or too slow beat. My currently 18

prescriptions somewhat help.

I tried Support Groups for a short time years ago, but was

overwhelmed and found it hard to keep up and stay positive.

But I am alone now, tired of being sick and feeling gulity for

constantly laying the burden of illness on my family and few close

friends. I broke down and joined because I need to graduate this

June--I have loans, I have worked so hard, my school won't allow me

anymore leeway: yet 1 month ago my body broke down. Within 2 days I

had eye, double ear, sinus, urinary tract, and throat infections,

broanchitis and now pneumonia. For about 3 minutes I contemplated

suicide. But I am 23, and I've been this way for as long as I

remember--probably part of the problem.

I don't want to whine. I want to find anyone who can understand even

part of this--perhaps I can understand even a fraction of what you

are going through. I just wanted to explain who I am, and introduce

myself.

Thank you so much for all of your kind welcomes.

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