Guest guest Posted June 7, 2004 Report Share Posted June 7, 2004 > Four All Who and Right > We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; > but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. > One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, > yet the plural of moose should never be meese. > You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; > yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. > If the plural of man is always called men, > why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? > If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, > and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? > If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, > why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? > Then one may be that, and three would be those, > yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is > cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, > but though we say mother, we never say methren. > Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, > but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. > Let's face it, > English is a crazy language. > There is no egg in eggplant, > nor ham in hamburger; > neither apple nor pine in pineapple. > English muffins weren't invented in England. > We take English for granted. > But if we explore its paradoxes, > we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square > and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig. > And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, > grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? > Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, > but not one amend? > If you have a bunch of odds and ends > and get rid of all but one of them, > what do you call it? > If teachers taught, > why didn't preachers praught? > If a vegetarian eats vegetables, > what does a humanitarian eat? > Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English > should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. > In what other language do people recite at a play > and play at a recital? > Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? > Have noses that run and feet that smell? > How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, > while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? > You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which > your house can burn up as it burns down; > in which you fill in a form by filling it out > and in which an alarm goes off by going on. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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