Re: Open the Cage

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kathie,

That is a great article!! One I surely needed to read right now. Have a

wonderful day! Nichols

Open the Cage

> Hi all,

>

> While poking around the internet searching for some new helpful items for

the

> SPF website, I came across the below article I found at the ALS Survivor

> Guide website. It was written by a mental health expert about the

adjustments in

> a new identity and that we need to play the hand that was dealt as best we

> can.

>

> I thought it worth sharing, so it's below.

>

> best,

> Kathi

>

> ________________________________________

> From a Mental Health Expert - Open the Cage

>

> An old adage goes " It is not the things that happen to us but the meaning

we

> give those experiences that cause us pain " .

>

> If we consider that idea, then we have a certain choice and power over

the

> losses brought about by this disease. How we define (or remember)

ourselves and

> our family relationships before the onset is a key issue and task for our

> current mental health. For example, your view can be, " I (Harry or )

have a

> great sense of humor, adventure, fairness, a love of conversation and have

a

> very playful relationship with my partner " , The disease process could have

> shifted that view to " ( or Harry) am a victim, can't do anything, can

no longer

> talk and am a burden on my family " .

>

> Good mental health has to be based on the core person you each were (as

an

> individual and family) before the illness, allowing for the limits and

losses.

> Counseling must help you to re-connect with those characteristics. It must

> help you re-envision and rediscover yourself. It also requires you to set

up

> situations in which those characteristics can be experienced and expressed

again.

>

> Probably every one has read " Tuesdays with Morrie " . Wasn't his unique

> essence the ability to be himself and make his natural curiosity, analysis

and joie

> de vive present in every interaction? We can dismiss it by saying, " He was

> exceptionally well-educated or rich or blessed. " But I would raise the

> possibility that he had good mental hygiene habits. What does that mean?

He was who he

> was (including qualities and warts). He felt what he felt (reverence,

> irreverence, anger, appreciation). He identified his needs (discussing

philosophy or

> have his anatomic orifice wiped). He valued other people's gifts and time

and

> he " opened his cage. " What the heck does that mean to " opened his cage? "

>

> As this disease steals from us or our loved one his/her ability to

locomote,

> communicate, use familiar skills, there are initial reactions, just as in

> other fearful situations. We freeze, flee or fight.

>

> When we freeze, our world becomes narrow and we stop reaching out,

involving

> other people in our life. Each loss of skill or ability becomes the focus

of

> our thoughts, rather than discovering how to compensate for that loss with

> technology, alternate ways of moving, communicating, or relating to people

in a

> more personal way.

>

> When we flee, it is usually inward with depression and isolation. We lose

> patience with people who don't quite understand our new way of talking and

then

> we stop talking. We become TV- focused and passive. That leads to

> intellectual, emotional and physical stagnation because we don't use

resources that the

> physical or respiratory therapist or neurologist suggests. It is easier to

> isolate in the short term but it costs big time in the long run.

>

> When we fight, we usually pick the wrong fight. We fight with our

caregiver,

> maybe because they are so willing to understand. We fight with our doctor,

> maybe because she can get up and walk away and will never fully know all

of the

> pain and sadness. We fight with our formerly athletic body because it has

> betrayed us.

>

> When we " open the cage " ; we connect with who we are, where we are as far

as

> freezing, fleeing or fighting. Then we open up to the world, move out of

the

> unproductive behaviors and interactions. We challenge ourselves to

breakthrough

> isolation and passivity. (This is where a good mental health counselor or

> prudent medication can help.) We begin to choose new adventures (going to

the

> movie, setting up a date with our spouse or sibling) and to invite the

right

> people into our world (enthusiastic, joyful, honest, challenging people,

good

> storytellers).

>

> You as an individual and family are involved in the biggest fight of your

> life. But now is a wonderful time to wage that fight. When Lou Gehrig's

fight

> was going on, there were no handicapped accessible buildings, accessible

vans,

> Internet, and websites. Biotechnology and metallurgy has made a difference

in

> utility of support resources. The " can do mentality " of the 60's and 70's

has

> made support groups a necessary and productive part of dealing with any

> adversity. Fight the good fight and use the full resources.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Kathi for this wonderful essay. As a PALS, this type of

article is encouraging and uplifting.

Edith

> Hi all,

>

> While poking around the internet searching for some new helpful

items for the

> SPF website, I came across the below article I found at the ALS

Survivor

> Guide website. It was written by a mental health expert about the

adjustments in

> a new identity and that we need to play the hand that was dealt as

best we

> can.

>

> I thought it worth sharing, so it's below.

>

> best,

> Kathi

>

> ________________________________________

> From a Mental Health Expert - Open the Cage

>

> An old adage goes " It is not the things that happen to us but the

meaning we

> give those experiences that cause us pain " .

>

> If we consider that idea, then we have a certain choice and power

over the

> losses brought about by this disease. How we define (or remember)

ourselves and

> our family relationships before the onset is a key issue and task

for our

> current mental health. For example, your view can be, " I (Harry or

) have a

> great sense of humor, adventure, fairness, a love of conversation

and have a

> very playful relationship with my partner " , The disease process

could have

> shifted that view to " ( or Harry) am a victim, can't do

anything, can no longer

> talk and am a burden on my family " .

>

> Good mental health has to be based on the core person you each

were (as an

> individual and family) before the illness, allowing for the limits

and losses.

> Counseling must help you to re-connect with those characteristics.

It must

> help you re-envision and rediscover yourself. It also requires you

to set up

> situations in which those characteristics can be experienced and

expressed again.

>

> Probably every one has read " Tuesdays with Morrie " . Wasn't his

unique

> essence the ability to be himself and make his natural curiosity,

analysis and joie

> de vive present in every interaction? We can dismiss it by

saying, " He was

> exceptionally well-educated or rich or blessed. " But I would

raise the

> possibility that he had good mental hygiene habits. What does that

mean? He was who he

> was (including qualities and warts). He felt what he felt

(reverence,

> irreverence, anger, appreciation). He identified his needs

(discussing philosophy or

> have his anatomic orifice wiped). He valued other people's gifts

and time and

> he " opened his cage. " What the heck does that mean to " opened his

cage? "

>

> As this disease steals from us or our loved one his/her ability

to locomote,

> communicate, use familiar skills, there are initial reactions,

just as in

> other fearful situations. We freeze, flee or fight.

>

> When we freeze, our world becomes narrow and we stop reaching

out, involving

> other people in our life. Each loss of skill or ability becomes

the focus of

> our thoughts, rather than discovering how to compensate for that

loss with

> technology, alternate ways of moving, communicating, or relating

to people in a

> more personal way.

>

> When we flee, it is usually inward with depression and isolation.

We lose

> patience with people who don't quite understand our new way of

talking and then

> we stop talking. We become TV- focused and passive. That leads to

> intellectual, emotional and physical stagnation because we don't

use resources that the

> physical or respiratory therapist or neurologist suggests. It is

easier to

> isolate in the short term but it costs big time in the long run.

>

> When we fight, we usually pick the wrong fight. We fight with our

caregiver,

> maybe because they are so willing to understand. We fight with our

doctor,

> maybe because she can get up and walk away and will never fully

know all of the

> pain and sadness. We fight with our formerly athletic body because

it has

> betrayed us.

>

> When we " open the cage " ; we connect with who we are, where we are

as far as

> freezing, fleeing or fighting. Then we open up to the world, move

out of the

> unproductive behaviors and interactions. We challenge ourselves to

breakthrough

> isolation and passivity. (This is where a good mental health

counselor or

> prudent medication can help.) We begin to choose new adventures

(going to the

> movie, setting up a date with our spouse or sibling) and to invite

the right

> people into our world (enthusiastic, joyful, honest, challenging

people, good

> storytellers).

>

> You as an individual and family are involved in the biggest fight

of your

> life. But now is a wonderful time to wage that fight. When Lou

Gehrig's fight

> was going on, there were no handicapped accessible buildings,

accessible vans,

> Internet, and websites. Biotechnology and metallurgy has made a

difference in

> utility of support resources. The " can do mentality " of the 60's

and 70's has

> made support groups a necessary and productive part of dealing

with any

> adversity. Fight the good fight and use the full resources.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for shareing this article. There was a great deal of great

meaning to it. Sandy

Open the Cage

Hi all,

While poking around the internet searching for some new helpful items for the

SPF website, I came across the below article I found at the ALS Survivor

Guide website. It was written by a mental health expert about the adjustments

in

a new identity and that we need to play the hand that was dealt as best we

can.

I thought it worth sharing, so it's below.

best,

Kathi

________________________________________

From a Mental Health Expert - Open the Cage

An old adage goes " It is not the things that happen to us but the meaning we

give those experiences that cause us pain " .

If we consider that idea, then we have a certain choice and power over the

losses brought about by this disease. How we define (or remember) ourselves

and

our family relationships before the onset is a key issue and task for our

current mental health. For example, your view can be, " I (Harry or ) have

a

great sense of humor, adventure, fairness, a love of conversation and have a

very playful relationship with my partner " , The disease process could have

shifted that view to " ( or Harry) am a victim, can't do anything, can no

longer

talk and am a burden on my family " .

Good mental health has to be based on the core person you each were (as an

individual and family) before the illness, allowing for the limits and losses.

Counseling must help you to re-connect with those characteristics. It must

help you re-envision and rediscover yourself. It also requires you to set up

situations in which those characteristics can be experienced and expressed

again.

Probably every one has read " Tuesdays with Morrie " . Wasn't his unique

essence the ability to be himself and make his natural curiosity, analysis and

joie

de vive present in every interaction? We can dismiss it by saying, " He was

exceptionally well-educated or rich or blessed. " But I would raise the

possibility that he had good mental hygiene habits. What does that mean? He

was who he

was (including qualities and warts). He felt what he felt (reverence,

irreverence, anger, appreciation). He identified his needs (discussing

philosophy or

have his anatomic orifice wiped). He valued other people's gifts and time and

he " opened his cage. " What the heck does that mean to " opened his cage? "

As this disease steals from us or our loved one his/her ability to locomote,

communicate, use familiar skills, there are initial reactions, just as in

other fearful situations. We freeze, flee or fight.

When we freeze, our world becomes narrow and we stop reaching out, involving

other people in our life. Each loss of skill or ability becomes the focus of

our thoughts, rather than discovering how to compensate for that loss with

technology, alternate ways of moving, communicating, or relating to people in

a

more personal way.

When we flee, it is usually inward with depression and isolation. We lose

patience with people who don't quite understand our new way of talking and

then

we stop talking. We become TV- focused and passive. That leads to

intellectual, emotional and physical stagnation because we don't use resources

that the

physical or respiratory therapist or neurologist suggests. It is easier to

isolate in the short term but it costs big time in the long run.

When we fight, we usually pick the wrong fight. We fight with our caregiver,

maybe because they are so willing to understand. We fight with our doctor,

maybe because she can get up and walk away and will never fully know all of

the

pain and sadness. We fight with our formerly athletic body because it has

betrayed us.

When we " open the cage " ; we connect with who we are, where we are as far as

freezing, fleeing or fighting. Then we open up to the world, move out of the

unproductive behaviors and interactions. We challenge ourselves to

breakthrough

isolation and passivity. (This is where a good mental health counselor or

prudent medication can help.) We begin to choose new adventures (going to the

movie, setting up a date with our spouse or sibling) and to invite the right

people into our world (enthusiastic, joyful, honest, challenging people, good

storytellers).

You as an individual and family are involved in the biggest fight of your

life. But now is a wonderful time to wage that fight. When Lou Gehrig's fight

was going on, there were no handicapped accessible buildings, accessible vans,

Internet, and websites. Biotechnology and metallurgy has made a difference in

utility of support resources. The " can do mentality " of the 60's and 70's has

made support groups a necessary and productive part of dealing with any

adversity. Fight the good fight and use the full resources.