Re: To and all new parents

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/2/2004 11:13:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

poohbear1252@... writes:

Anyway any advice/suggestions/sharing of stories I'd

greatly appreciate! I am so new to this and I feel

alone and I feel guilty... I just dont know why but I

do. I feel this sence of loss myself if that makes

sence... I wish I could just snap my fingers and make

all this stuff go away and have my sweet boy without

any ailments!!!

: Every one of us has felt like this at some point. Remembering my

son's struggles can still reduce me to tears now, years later. And while the

guilt passes it is never completely gone. After all, part of being a mom is

making things right, making them better and soothing our children's hurts. Some

things we just can't fix and that is really really hard on a parent.

Add into it the concept that somehow something I did or was exposed to could

have caused my son's issues and you have quite the recipe for guilt. And I

certainly went though it. I analyzed every moment of that time in my pregnancy

until I was sure there was nothing. Even then I had doubts. But that was MY

process of grieving and dealing with our new reality. My son was still the

same kid and I adored him just as much. That non-stop-crying jag passed. I did

research, learned everything I could and decided our job was to be Ian's

support, his advocates and to help him be happy and comfortable with himself.

So,

go easy on yourself. Those tears and feelings are completely normal.

To all the new parents here -- Welcome!

As you can see, this is a very helpful and encouraging group. Any and all

communication modalities are used by the parents on this list. And I think

you'll find that the attitude is very balanced and open. No one solution is

right. No one option is endorsed. All kinds of decisions are made by us parents

based on what is best for our kids and our family. Sometimes we try things that

don't work, and we change them. Every kid has a solution that will work for

him/her. And this list can help you find what works for your children. So ask

lots of questions. You'll get lots of opinions and advice.

I guess I'm one of the old moms here. And we are not quite the usual D/HOH

story. There was no infant screening for us, no EI program. We didn't learn

about our son's hearing loss until he was almost 7. Very late! It's a long

story. Ian had other minor medical issues that we'd dealt with through the

years,

but never suspected a hearing loss. He spoke very clearly and the kid had

taught himself to lip read so well that he even fooled an audiologist -- not a

very good one, but still, Ian fooled him. It took a while to sort it all out.

Ian has a degenerative conductive hearing loss and is aided in both ears. It

is possible that he will be profoundly deaf by the time he is a young adult.

His loss is about 50 dbs right now. Two sets of doctors are not in agreement

right now about the future. One believes that Ian is starting to have a SNHL

due to the beginnings of otoschlerosis (a disease that, for Ian, affects the

middle ear). The other, our regular audi, disagrees. Only time will tell

which one it right, so we don't bother to worry about it.

Ian is now a high school freshman, does karate, rock climbs (with ropes --

yikes!), collects comic books, loves Mad magazine and Monty Python. He is in

the chess club, hiking club and is going to be planning his Eagle Scout

project in the near future. He is in our regular local school, mainstreamed

with

some help (FM system and a TOD). This coming Sunday may be our first ASL class

with our new tutor. A young woman who is hearing but a native signer -- her

parents are both Deaf so she signed before she spoke. pretty cool, huh?

We never pushed to learn sign because Ian was born hearing and wanted to

remain oral. When he was younger, he'd ignore me if I signed. So, we dropped it.

Now he thinks it is cool, and we're finding that with his loss deteriorating,

we need to be able to " talk " without shouting. He's ready to learn, and

we've finally found a tutor!

We also have a daughter, , who is 10 and hearing. She just chooses not

to listen a lot of the time. She plans to be a vet, a marine biologist or an

illustrator when she grows up. My husband is a science teacher and we've been

married for almost 23 years now. I'm an illustrator and designer and I work

from my home studio.

So, that's our basic story.

Best -- Jill