Re: Disability instinct or paranoia?

February 23, 2004

Hi Yolanda,

My family loves me. It's Steve's family that thinks I am nuts.

But to them I am invalid and incompetent and therefore unable to make sane,

rational decisions or handle basically anything. So I just get tired of

being second guessed and I wanted to see what others who have a disability

have to say.

Admittedly I may be a bit more than ordinary okay excentric and maybe even a

bit laughable but laughter is a good positive thing. No one has come out and

said ya know you are one crazy, waked out, waddler seek help. Well other

than Steve's family. But I told them I did go for psych help and the Doc

just told me to get rid of Steve. They kinda shut up after that but it was

short lived. It feels good to have a group of people to say ya know ya might

be pushing the envelope on one or two things but your alright.

Shell Fisch

I like the way you think. I trust God, and he has also given me wisdom to

discern things. So I don't think you are paranoid. I'm sure your family

appreciates your ability to discern and think ahead.

>

>God Bless

>Yolanda

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February 23, 2004

Flora,

I have given the wrong impression and I should explain. I am relaxed and

adapt to my situation with a great degree of flexibility. I do not have to

respond to visitors as I did when we first got here. So I don't answer the

door with a 12 guage now. I did not mean to give that impression. When we

first moved here for a month and a half I had to respond with aggression. I

had high level drug criminals on warrants trying to enter the house. They

are lead meth ring suppliers who had kept their supplies here for the last 3

years. They did not know of the eviciton and they wanted their supply.

I'am a stay and fight sort of person and aggressive by nature. I grew up

with guns and was shooting by five. So I am not conditioned to fear them. I

use guns for many things like hunting, killing coyotes at the Pecos farm

practical things. There isnt a family out here that does'nt have a

gun,shotgun or rifle in their truck. This is a huge county and limited law

enforcement. We have wild animals as well as domestic that have to be put

down. We are farmers and military families. The reasons for our guns are

practical. Steve is the one who bought me the 12 guage before he left and

insisted I use it instead of a hand gun. He said I don't want you to think

about your shot this time I want you to point and shoot. Steve ran off

several of them so he knew what I was up against. My kids have talked about

my running off druggies and that is why the relatives think I a m nuts.

Steve knew I could handle it and felt for the time he would be gone it would

work out. In a conversation one of the cousins husband is a Sheriff and he

was talking about his narcotics dog and his job. says " You should

have mom help you she runs drug dealers off all the time and the dog stays

with us. " My kids think of me as larger than life and it comes out in their

version of the story so they are more proud than scared. Unfortunately it is

these versions that has the family looking down at me as this is not the

typical behavior they expect of a handicapped woman. So they look at me as

some Gimpy Soldier of Fortune Bimbo . Truthfully Im just a farm kid who can

shoot.

The kids do alot around the house but I had things I needed to do paperwork

wise and I just wanted my space and time.

Shell Fisch

>

>Shelli, I think we are at times afraid of what might happen. I have to ask

>you one thing. How is this affecting your children to see you so afraid

>this

>much? I know that your circumstance have been unusual but you say that the

>unwanted guests aren't there any more. Chill out a bit relax but be

>sensible

>about security of your home. I don't answer the door if its someone I don't

>know.

>I figure if its important they will come back when Doug is home. I don't

>think I could protect myself as much as use too, you know like I can't run

>away.

>I know as a mother you what to protect your children that's normal but I

>think

>and please excuse me if I offend you. Your're going a bit over cautious.

>Don't know how old your children are but if they can help let them do some

>of

>the chores around the house. Its good for boys to learn how to do the

>dishes,

>fold clothes, make their bed, sweep the floor. Learn to pace your self do

>laundry everyday if need be that way it doesn't get out of control. It

>doesn't

>matter if you do two big load compared to four small loads here and there.

>I

>set a schedule for myself. I clean one room a day and by the weekend Its

>done,

>of course I always keep the kitchen and bathroom tidy. You can't do it all

>girl delegate those chores or if you can afford it have someone come in

>twice a

>month to do the big jobs use to be a control freak (Doug would say I still

>am)

>nobody can do it better then me..But I had to realize that I couldn't do it

>all anymore......Hope I didn't offend........Flora

>

February 23, 2004

Hi Shellie,

We can't make everybody happy, right? What other people think does not bother

me because no one is exactly alike, if we all were, think about it, it would be

so boring. (smile) Having a disability does not make us any different from who

we were before we had the disease. Shellie is still Shellie. Yolanda is still

Yolanda. What makes us who we are is our spirit and our spirit is not disabled

right? So therefore, we are still the same people but we have had to alter the

way we do the same things we use to do to suit our bodies disability. So

Shellie, what they have to say about you does not amount to a hill of beans,

it's how you see yourself that matters. Love Shellie and every one else will

just have to adapt. Our spirit dictates who we are not anyone else. I'm glad I

have the Lord's Spirit within me and I am blessed and soon to be healed in my